Better or Worse
by Kadi219
Summary: Raydor/Flynn - As we get older we learn that fairy tales do not come true, happy ever after is fleeting, and sometimes picket fences fall down before we realize they're even leaning the wrong way. On the eve of their divorce, Jack returns to ask a special favor. What follows is nothing short of life, gone a bit chaotic.
1. Chapter 1

Better or Worse

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it.

**A/N:** Sometimes the harsh reality of an estranged marriage is all of the little unexpected surprises it can toss your way. I'm not really sure where this idea came from, exactly, but once it was embedded... it had to be written. **Warning:** This story is about marriage, the ups and downs, the bad and the ugly. Jack Raydor does appear, and he is with us for a while.

**Special Note:** My beta is a rock star! Thank you to **deenikn8** for taking on this monster! Any errors found are all mine, not hers!

Encouragement comes in many ways. For all of you, thank you!

This one is finished, as all of my stories are. It is, however, incredibly long. For that reason, I am going to be posting it as it is returned by my amazing beta. Please bear with us, and as always, I hope you enjoy!

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><p>What the hell was she thinking? That seemed to be a common question that revolved around Sharon Raydor these days. It was one that she asked herself several times a day, if not several times an hour. She must have been outside of her mind to have allowed this. In the end, temporary insanity was all that she could claim. Now that it was done, there was nothing for it but to carry on. It was another fine mess that she had allowed Jack to get her into. Could she really blame him? Truthfully, at the heart of it, could she blame him for the predicament in which she now found herself?<p>

No. Sharon knew that when it came to blame she had only herself. She could have walked away, and was well within her right to do so. Instead, she let herself be swayed. Once again she ignored the voice in her head that told her to turn away, to close the door and not look back. She used to ask herself if she would never learn. At last, it seemed that she finally had, but a life worth of lessons of just how little she could count on Jack hadn't meant anything in the end. He still managed to manipulate her, to play on her principles and emotions until he got precisely what he wanted… The freedom to do as he pleased, while she cleaned up the mess.

Jack came to her before the summer ended. He brought with him copies of the divorce papers, the adoption papers for Rusty, and something else that she had not quite counted on. Or rather… _someone_ else.

It seemed that while they were living apart, as they had for most of their marriage, Jack managed to meet and become involved with several women. Sharon was quite aware of his affairs. Neither of them could claim a complete lifetime of fidelity, although in her defense, they were legally separated and she was human. She had needs and desires, just as he had, and so she looked the other way. What Jackson did when they were apart was his business, just as her life had nothing to do with him.

Until now.

At some point in the last few years, one of Jack's affairs had resulted in a child. A daughter. Now that she knew of the girl, it was more than clear to her that the child's existence was behind his sudden return to Los Angeles the year before. His inability to be a responsible parent was not limited to only the children he created with her. Sharon wished that could be a comforting thought, but it really wasn't. Just as he had walked out on her and their children two decades before, he had walked out on this woman and their child.

But now he had a problem. Sharon didn't know if she wanted to laugh or cry as he spun the tale for her. It was just too ridiculous to be one of his lies. Too many parts of it rang true. Too much of it was just so very _Jack_ that she had no choice but to believe him. Then there was the part of her that was hurt. The part that withdrew at the idea of her husband being so irresponsible as to create another child with a woman that was not _her, _and while they were still married.

Now that woman was dead.

Car accident, Jack explained. Quite unexpected and completely tragic. The child he sat on her couch still bore bruises from the accident, but was thankfully, mostly unharmed. Even if she was thrown and taken aback by the child's existence, she couldn't wish ill on it. On her.

The mother died in surgery following the accident, and had Jack listed as the child's next of kin. He was on record as the father. Already he sought out the woman's family, but there was no one to be found but an elderly mother who could not take on the care of a three-year-old child. Jack's brother wanted nothing to do with him, and in response to the existence of an extramarital offspring, Grant had simply laughed and wished him good luck. Perhaps now, his brother stated, he would finally grow up and learn to be a man.

That left him no other recourse but his wife.

"_Do you think I want to be here?__" __Jack threw his hands up in exasperation. __"__Sharon, I know I__'__ve done a lot of crappy things over the years, but would I bring this to you if I didn__'__t really need your help?__" __He gestured at the child on her sofa, who was looking around with big blue eyes and too confused and bewildered by all that had happened to her to do more than simply sit there. __"__Listen, Sharon, honey__—"_

"_Do _not." _Sharon took a step back when it seemed he would move toward her. She held a hand in front of her. She looked away from him while her mind tried to process everything. There was an ache deep in her chest, while her stomach rolled and pitched alarmingly. Of all the times she imagined her husband coming back to her, asking for another chance, promising to try and do better__… __this was definitely not how she ever imagined it. Why _now_, of all times? That seemed to be the one question on her mind. _

Now_ when she was ready to move on with her life, when finally she was at a point in her life when she was ready to reach out and grasp what _she_ wanted, and what _she_ needed. His timing could not be more terrible, but then, that was so very Jack too. Sharon wished that she could claim he was doing this to her intentionally, but the entire thing was just far too preposterous. _

"_How _dare_ you!__" __Sharon__'__s eyes narrowed at him. She allowed herself to feel the anger that he more than deserved, but in deference to the small human in the room, she kept it carefully contained. Her eyes flashed, burning in shades of emerald and gold, and when she pointed her finger at him, her hand was shaking. A tremor moved through her. __"__You really have the nerve to stand there and ask me__… __ask me__…_Jack_!__" __Sharon couldn__'__t even say the words. She couldn__'__t bring herself to speak them aloud. She didn__'__t even want to acknowledge them. Instead, she turned away from him and shook her head. _

"_I know.__" __He sighed loudly. __"__Believe me, I _know_. Look, I__'__m just asking for help here. I don__'__t know what that means. I don__'__t know what I__'__m supposed to do here, Sharon. Look, I__'__ll sign the papers if that__'__s what you want. But I can__'__t do this alone. We both know that. I__'__m a lousy father, Sharon. I__'__m no good at this, we know that. If anyone knows that, it__'__s you. I don__'__t know what to do here,__" __he repeated. Jack ran a hand through his hair, which had gone almost completely gray over the last year. __"__I__'__ll do whatever you want me to do, but Sharon, I need you right now.__" __Then he played the card he knew she wouldn__'__t be able to refuse. __"_She_ needs you too.__" _

_In that moment, Sharon thought she might just despise him. Her eyes narrowed and she slanted a hard, displeased look at him. He was going to force her to do the last thing that she wanted to do in that moment. His mention of the child had her looking, and once she did, Sharon began to draw the parallels. Jack had known that she would. The child looking back at her had wide, blue eyes. Jack__'__s eyes. In a face that looked a lot like Ricky, surrounded by flowing locks of curling brown hair. Whether from Jack or the mother, she couldn__'__t say, but even the bruises couldn__'__t dispel the beauty of the little elfin features. She could easily see her own children in that small face, along with a stranger she would never know. _

_Sharon turned her back on both of them and walked away. She moved to the balcony and stared through the sliding door at the city beyond. __"__Just go,__" __she said quietly, voice thick with emotion. She swallowed hard against the ache in her throat and drew a thin, shuddering breath. _

"_Sharon__…" _

"Go_.__" __She glanced back at him, eyes bright, full of the pain that he had put there. How many times was she going to allow him to hurt her. When his gaze went pointedly, and purposefully, to the child on the sofa she looked away again. __"__I need to think.__" __Sharon heard him sigh and closed her eyes. He was asking her to turn her back on a life that she was building for herself, separate of him, of their marriage, and the ideals that she held onto for far too long. She couldn__'__t do that blindly. _

"_Will you at least__…" __Jack gestured helplessly. __"__Will you call me and at least__… __tell me _something_.__" __He watched her shoulders slump. She nodded quietly and he took that for what it was. Not exactly a triumph, but close to it. Sharon would do the right thing, she always did. It was why he had come to her. There was light at the end of this odd, frightening tunnel. This would be no different than a hundred other situations they__'__d faced over the years. He could always count on Sharon. _

_When he left, Sharon slumped. She pressed a hand against the cool glass door and her forehead followed. She stood there, for how long she didn__'__t exactly know. Long enough for her shoulders and back to begin to ache and grow stiff with the posture. She foolishly thought that with one door closing another would be opening for her. Now she knew that wasn__'__t true. However much she wanted to turn away, she couldn__'__t. Jack had known how to play her. _

_He always did. _

It was how she found herself on the beach. Hours later, the wind lifted her hair away from her face as she walked. Normally she would have enjoyed it. She liked the feel of the clean, cool breeze on her skin, and the way the damp sand shifted beneath her feet. She held her shoes in one hand, while the water flowed in and around her ankles. She wanted a neutral location for this talk, and maybe she wanted someone to talk her out of the decision that she knew she already made.

"_You aren__'__t seriously thinking about it?__" __He looked down at her, eyes dark and unsure. When she looked back at him, he looked away and swore quietly. __"__Dammit, Sharon__…" _

"_What am I supposed to do?__" __She stopped walking and turned to look at him. The wind lifted her hair, and she pushed it out of her face. __"__Legally, we__'__re still married__…" _

"_The papers are filed.__" __He moved a step ahead of her, stopped and turned. __"__So what? You__'__re going to stop the divorce and take him back? Raise a child that isn__'__t yours, and do what with it? Do you have any idea how insane this is?__" _

_Her laugh when it came rang hollow and bitter. __"__Oh, I know exactly how insane it is. I can__'__t even believe that I__'__m considering it. Andy__…" __She reached out to touch his arm and he jerked it away from her. Sharon sighed. She looked away, into the wind, and decided she could blame it at the prickling of tears behind her eyes. __"__He__'__s already signed the adoption papers. Both sets. Rusty__'__s and now__…" __She frowned, Sharon suddenly had the horrible realization that she couldn__'__t recall the child__'__s name. __"__Anna,__" __she remembered finally. She drug another stubborn lock of dark hair away from her face. __"__We__'__ll adopt Rusty together and I__'__ll adopt Anna, and if I still want the divorce he__'__ll give it to me__…" _

"_While you take responsibility for cleaning up his mess and he runs off to make another one,__" __Andy rumbled angrily. __"__Son of a bitch.__" __His hands found his hips and he looked down while he shook his head. __"__Either way, he__'__s off scott free and you__'__re the one raising another woman__'__s kid.__" _

"_I__'__m already raising another woman__'__s kid,__" __Sharon said quietly, and the statement was almost completely lost on the breeze. Her gaze followed his to the ground, they watched the surf pool around their feet. __"__Tell me not to do it.__" __When she looked up at him again, it was through her lashes. Her eyes had gone dark with emotion. __"__Tell me this is stupid, and I should just walk away.__" _

_She was torn. Andy stared back at her. He swore quietly and took a step forward. His hands moved into her hair. He caught the wildly blowing tresses and wrapped them around his fingers as he tipped her head back. That was exactly what he wanted to tell her. She had been manipulated and played, and now she was torn between two choices. What she _should_ do, and what she _wanted_ to do. __"__You have no obligations to that kid,__" __he said quietly. __"__She__'__s not yours, she__'__s nothing to you__…" __His chest clenched tightly, even as he said the words. __"__It__'__s past time for Jack to take some responsibility for his life and all the mistakes he__'__s made along the way. You deserve a future, Sharon. You deserve to be happy__…" __Andy gazed into the moist sheen of her eyes and sighed. __"__She__'__s not Rusty. It__'__s not the same thing, Sharon.__" __He felt the tremor run through her and lowered his head until their faces were only scant centimeters apart. __"__But you__'__re going to do it,__" __he said quietly. __"__You can__'__t walk away. You can__'__t leave that kid to Jack__'__s irresponsible mercies.__" _

_He drew away from her and Sharon felt his absence keenly. She watched his muscles tense as he turned his back on her. Sharon folded her arms around herself. Whatever unspoken understanding had existed between them was slipping away now, carried away by the wind. She was going to remain a married woman, which left nothing else between them, and effectively shattered what had started as friendship and was now moving toward something else. No longer. A door was closing, just not the door she thought it would be. Sharon stepped hesitantly forward and lay a hand on his back. The muscled beneath bunched. He didn__'__t move when she edged around him and into his line of sight. _

_She drew her bottom lip between her teeth and sighed. __"__I__'__m sorry.__" _

_Maybe she shouldn__'__t have allowed them to get this close to begin with, but she couldn__'__t regret it. The last several months had been wonderful. She had enjoyed their quiet dinners, the time spent together outside of the department. Sharon had come to rely on him, personally as well as professionally. There had been a line, however. One they hadn__'__t crossed. A silent agreement. Not while she was married. Once the divorce was final, the possibility of exploring more existed. _

_His hands settled at her shoulders and moved slowly downward to loosely circle her wrists. Andy drew her closer and lowered his head again. When she tipped her face toward him, their lips brushed. He had kissed her before. There had been a sense of hope in it, and longing, a fledgling romance that seemed to now be scattered at their feet. Lost in the surf, to be carried away by the tide. _

"_He was right.__" __Andy said quietly. His nose brushed her cheek and he felt the cool dampness of tears. His fingers trailed slowly back up her arms. His head bent toward her ear, and while he was tempted to hold her, he couldn__'__t quite bring himself to do it. __"__Provenza,__" __he explained. __"__He said it was a bad idea. I don__'__t know how I__'__ll be able to look at you now and not want to strangle the bastard you__'__re married to.__" _

"_Bad timing perhaps,__" __She said instead. Sharon drew back from him. She folded her arms against her chest and drew a breath. __"__It__'__ll be difficult, but I trust that we__'__re adult enough to handle this professionally.__" _

"_If that__'__s how it__'__s going to be.__" __He tilted his head at her, then he looked away with a scowl. __"__Yeah, you got it.__" __When he looked back, his face was impassive. __"__Captain.__" _

_It stung, more than it should. It was exactly what she expected of him. Sharon drew herself up and arched a brow at him. __"__Lieutenant.__" _

_A muscle in his jaw ticked. __"__Go home,__" __he told her. __"__Give my regards to your husband.__" _

_Her lips thinned, pressed together. __"__I__'__ll do that.__" __There were many other things that needed to happen first, but yes, she would be calling Jackson at some point. _

He didn't look at her quite the same away again. Sharon no longer felt the lingering heat of his gaze as she moved through a room. She could no longer count on the sparkle of his dark eyes when her gaze found his. He was professional, if a bit terse. How could she blame him for that? She basically broke up with him to take her husband back, even if they weren't exactly _together_. Not in the true sense of the word.

That she was back with Jack came as a surprise to many. None so much as her own family. If Rusty worried they would be reticent at accepting him, it had nothing on how they felt about a new younger half-sister. They were both understandably angry and disappointed. Rusty was quiet on the subject, slower to process. In a way, she supposed he understood the best. Anna's mother was dead, where his had abandoned him, but they were both orphans… of a sort. Rusty's thoughts on the matter were much like hers, Jack was hardly a father that could be counted on.

He didn't know what to say when she told him. At first, the idea that she was now adopting two children seemed like a joke. He laughed, until he realized she was serious. Then, just as he always did, he read so clearly how unhappy she was about it. It was stupid and unfair, he told her. He now liked Jack even less than he had before, and once she told the other two, Rusty had retreated to speak to them.

Things were still a bit awkward between him and Ricky, but surprisingly, it was her elder son to whom he talked about it the most. Whatever her son told Rusty about her history with Jack, he was at least hesitantly accepting. He didn't like it. Neither did she. On that they were agreed. Rusty wasn't running away, however, and of that she was the most thankful. She would not sacrifice her son for a daughter that wasn't hers, and while the thought of it was odd, Rusty was _hers_. If he had shown even the smallest signs of bolting, Jack would have been on his own.

Instead, Rusty said the one thing that probably made it all easiest on her. _"__We__'__re going to need a bigger house_." She almost wanted to cry when he came to her with that, only two days after she sat him down and told him what Jack was expecting of her.

In the end, Rusty was right. The condo was spacious enough for the two of them, even the two of them and Jack… but there wasn't room enough for a three-year-old and everything that she would need.

For better or worse, those were the words that Jack used when trying to talk her into the idea.

"_We__'__ve had a lot of worse, Sharon. Maybe now it__'__s time to do better__…_"

She didn't believe him. Not even for a second. Which was why she was asking herself, what the hell was she thinking?


	2. Chapter 2

Better or Worse

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it.

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><p>Sharon lowered her head into her hands. She sat at her desk, and with the blinds closed, the view from the Murder Room was effectively blocked, and so she let her shoulders slump as well. The past few days had left her feeling weary and drained. After spending three days discussing the specifics of their new situation with Jack, he and Anna had finally moved into the condo. Rusty was right, she reflected, when he came to her earlier in the process with the opinion that they would need a bigger place to live. At the moment Jack was occupying her couch, a place she wouldn't mind keeping him, but they had squeezed a small toddler bed into Sharon's room for Anna.<p>

So far, it wasn't working out very well.

Her shoulders and neck were stiff, while her head ached. Fatigue from too little sleep, she knew. Anna was keeping her up at night. The three-year-old was not adjusting well, and to be honest about it, Sharon hadn't expected that it would go completely smoothly. Anna was waking with nightmares, images and feelings that she couldn't understand. Her mother's death was still too fresh, too recent, and she didn't understand the concept that she wasn't returning. She asked for her, almost constantly, especially when she woke frightened.

The child didn't know her. She didn't know any of them. Anna certainly didn't know her father. Sharon sighed as she rubbed at her temples, hoping to appease the headache that was pounding behind her eyes. Jack had not been in Anna's life since a few months after her birth. That he had been in it at all came as a surprise to Sharon. Of course, the entire situation had come as a surprise.

Jack left Samantha, the woman he had been living with in Las Vegas when Anna was only six months old. He spent the next almost three years of Anna's life moving between there and Los Angeles, or Reno, and occasionally San Diego as was his habit and preference for a nomadic life style. She really didn't want to think about it. When they were apart they lived their own lives. The majority of their marriage had been spent in that fashion. She didn't expect fidelity from Jack. He wasn't faithful to her before he left, why would that would change after the fact?

It was a complicated mess, the relationship that she had with that man. Sharon didn't even know that she could explain it to herself, much less to anyone else. Being a married, if separated, woman with two children was just easier to deal with in years past. Now she was a married woman living with an estranged husband and his illegitimate love child. Sharon exhaled slowly and pushed those thoughts aside.

Even Jack's visit the previous summer had not prepared her for the realities of living with him again. Honestly living with him. He was, for the most part, on his best behavior the year before. Now that he was back in her home, he was already trying to see just how far she would allow him to push her. Which wouldn't be very far at all. She would near the end of her patience with him very soon, she knew.

At the moment, Sharon had a murder room full of detectives that were getting close to an end to their current case. She rolled her shoulders and pushed herself up from behind the desk. She smoothed her hands down her dress and rounded the desk. Before opening her door, Sharon took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. She relaxed her face, in so much as she could, and finally stepped out of the office.

She wondered, a bit absently, as she strode back across the murder room, if it would be easier if she didn't have to pass by Andy's desk on her way to or from her office. That wasn't necessarily fair to him. She couldn't blame him for the distance that now existed between them. It was exactly the way things needed to be now. She only wished that it wasn't so hard, and that it didn't ache quite so badly.

When she walked past him, he glanced up at her, out of habit but his eyes were averted quickly. Not before she saw the answering resignation and hurt that darkened his brown eyes. Sharon gave a mental sigh at that. Andy was allowed to feel however he liked about the situation. All she asked was that he keep it out of the office, and so far, he had. If he was silent or terse with her, well that was to be expected. She could only hope that at some point, in the not so distant future, they might regain some of the ease they'd shared before.

Already the others had noticed the shift in their relationship. They might not know the reason behind it, but they were more than simply observant people. There had been questioning looks, especially from Lieutenant Provenza, but no one was voicing their concerns. At least, not to her. If he had spoken to his partner about it, well, Sharon had no way of knowing that. She could hardly ask the question now.

"Lieutenant," she focused her attention on Provenza now. "Where are we?"

He gave her a bland look. It had only been an hour since her last request for an update. Whatever had caused the shift in her mood the last few weeks, it was very much like working for the _old_ Captain Raydor again. The one that had tagged along behind them, auditing their every move and thought, before finally accepting the transfer that brought her into the center of their little circle. He wanted to shake her. Actually, he wanted to shake both of _them_. Flynn wasn't speaking. It was like trying to get information out of a brick wall. One that he felt like he was beating his head against. Whatever happened, and he was sure that _something_ had happened, things were definitely different between them. He supposed that he couldn't hope that it would be as simple as a little lovers spat that they would clear up in another day or two. Oh no, not with this woman. Not if it was affecting her at work, and not that he could really say that it was, but the tone of her mood was different and the way that they related to one another was nearly non-existent. At least, in comparison to how it had been not so long ago.

Provenza leaned back in his seat. "Los Angeles," he said blandly, in response to her question. Then he waved a hand at the evidence they were all still sorting through. "Same place we were an hour ago. It's going to take time, Captain."

"Yes, I understand that," she began with a sigh. Sharon placed her hands on her hips. There was a very good chance that her patience was running thin all the way around. "Time is simply something we do not have a lot of, Lieutenant."

"Who does?" He shook his head at her. "Captain, as soon as we can—"

"Sharon." Jack strode through the murder room, carrying a bag in one hand and holding Anna in his other arm. "You're going to have to take her." He glanced between her and the Lieutenant when he realized that he had obviously interrupted. "Sorry." It was said as an afterthought before he turned back to his wife. "Here," he thrust the bag toward her, and then the toddler in his arms. Although Anna was getting almost too big to be considered a toddler. She would be four in February.

The fraying thread on her patience got a little thinner. The frustration of it made her shoulders ache a little more keenly, while an annoying twitch moved down her spine. "Jack, you were meant to trade her off with Rusty." She accepted Anna, but had little choice in the matter, as her father was already pulling away. Sharon moved the child onto her hip and took the bag from him. "He isn't going to be free for another hour," she stated, trying to keep her tone low, and not at all as clipped as she would have liked.

"I know that." He sighed. Jack shrugged apologetically. "I've had to bump a meeting with a client forward. It was unavoidable. I already told Rusty to pick her up here." He lifted his hands in front of him, and smiled at her. "Come on, honey. It's not like we haven't played the juggling act before. It's got to be like riding a bicycle right? We'll get back in the swing of it sooner or later."

Sharon snorted and rolled her eyes at him. She could remind him that he hadn't juggled much except which poker night to go to and how many glasses of bourbon he should have, but thought better of it. "A really _old_ bicycle," she said instead. She glanced at Anna and arched a brow at her. "I thought we talked about this. You were in charge. You let him have his phone?" She was keenly and uncomfortably aware that every eye in the room was on her again, and now for an entirely different reason. None more discomforting than the gaze she could feel burning into her back from the Lieutenant whose desk was positioned near her office.

"Cute." Jack made a face at her. "My wife the comedian." He glanced at his watch. "I have to go. Look, if my meeting finishes before Rusty can get here, I'll pick her up, but…" He didn't look convinced that would happen.

"Just go." Sharon sighed quietly. "I'll figure something out." She shifted Anna on her hip and drew the strap of the bag over her shoulder. She looked at the child again. She wasn't attached enough to Jack to cry after him when he left, and while sad, Sharon was at least thankful that she wouldn't have a tantrum to deal with. During the day she was more or less okay, there were moments when she would whine or become clingy, but it was the nights that were difficult. Soon, she reminded herself, Anna would adjust to all the changes and grow accustomed to them. It would just be their job to make sure that she didn't forget her mother, even when she stopped crying for her.

The Captain glanced at her people and then turned to carry Anna into her office. "Let me know as soon as you have something," she said, although she didn't offer any explanations. She hadn't exactly told them about Jack and all that was happening. Why would she? It wasn't a secret, but by the surprised looks on several faces, she figured that Rusty hadn't shared the details either.

She wasn't surprised when she was followed, although it was not the Lieutenant that she might have expected. Sharon lowered Anna to her feet and then knelt in front of her to begin opening the bag. Hopefully Jack would have thought ahead to pack something that would keep her occupied until she could be picked up again. "Yes, Lieutenant," she stated at length. "What can I do for you?"

Provenza hovered just inside the door and finally took a hesitant step forward. "Captain…" He wasn't even sure what to say, or what he wanted to ask. What the hell was Jackson Raydor doing hanging around again and where had the child come from, those where the questions bouncing around his mind. Asking them, however, probably wasn't the best idea. "I… are we dealing with another witness, or…" That seemed the best alternative, albeit a lame one, he knew.

Sharon sighed. This would come soon enough, she knew. She pulled a coloring book and a box of crayons from within the bag, along with a beloved doll before she rose and placed the bag aside, on one of the chairs in front of her desk. "Anna," she drew the child's attention and held out her hand. When the little hand was placed in hers, she brought the child forward. "This is Lieutenant Provenza," said. "Can you say hello?"

Anna leaned back against her legs. There were so many new people in her young life. She may not be very familiar with her, or Jack, or Rusty just yet, but they were who she knew best. "Hello," she said quietly, and ducked her face.

"Anna is…" It was so very hard to put into words. Sharon floundered for a moment and gestured helplessly. "Jack is her father," she stated simply. "Her mother is no longer with us, so Anna has come to live with us."

"Momma is with the Angels." Anna looked up at them both, eyes wide.

"Yes," Sharon said simply. Later that night, when she woke frightened in the dark, she would forget that, and need to be reminded all over again.

"Jack?" The Lieutenant stared at her. It took a moment for him to wrap his head around that. "Wait…" He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "But I thought…" He frowned. What happened to the divorce? His confused look turned to one of incredulity. So the old reprobate had an affair, and she was taking him back? Had she lost her mind?

Sharon read him easily. "It's complicated," she said quietly. "I am in the process of adopting Anna, and Rusty's adoption papers have been filed." She gave him a meaningful look. He had known that the adoption was pending the divorce. That should be enough to tell him how things had changed, without her actually having to say it. "We are now a family of six," She stated, and looked down at Anna again. "Or will be, as soon as everything has been finalized. It should only be another few weeks." She considered her next words very carefully and let go of Anna so that the child could return to her toys. "I'm going to have to ask you to be a little patient with us for the next little while. We're trying to find a new routine. Juggling, as Jack said. It's been a while." She managed a small, if self deprecating smile. "I'm out of practice with daycare, preschool and shuffling between the two."

"I'll say," he muttered. Even with Rusty in the house, she should be expecting her next round of childcare to involve grandchildren. She wasn't exactly a young woman. Much younger than he was, but then most of them were. Her children were grown, in any event, and she was far enough past fifty that she shouldn't need to worry about preschool and sippy cups. Provenza decided that he understood now what the hell was bothering Flynn. Something had changed between them, alright. That something was a marriage that was _not_ ending. He frowned at her again and shook his head. There was a lot that he would like to say on the matter, but none of it was any of his business. First and foremost on his mind was that she must have lost _hers_. He went with what he knew that he _could_ ask, it was the one common ground that they had, the first thing they had ever truly agreed on.

"What does Rusty say about all of this?" Provenza asked.

She knew that question was going to come eventually. Sharon smiled gently. "That it's odd. It's going to be an adjustment period for all of us. Jack has stayed with Rusty and I before, although now he's living with us, and that's a bit different." She fidgeted with her hands and shrugged. "Legally, Rusty is an adult. I cannot force him to stay with me. Nor could I force him to agree to the adoption. But he did. As far as Rusty is concerned, Jack is just a man whose name will appear on his new legal documents. He's gaining two sisters instead of one, and we need a bigger house. Which Jack and I are looking into." How weird was that to say? Even Sharon drew short as the words left her mouth. It had been a good number of years since she uttered even a semblance of that phrase. _Jack and I._ Even longer since they had actually been a unit.

Sharon gave herself a mental head shake. She could not begin thinking like that. It was best to keep Jack held at arms length. He was irresponsible at best, as he had proved time and again. He was also unreliable. She knew that she couldn't count on him. Jack thought of only himself most of the time. She became very aware that the Lieutenant was studying her closely and sighed quietly. "Rusty is okay with it," she said more quietly. "I'm surprised he hasn't already come to you, although I suspect that he may have talked to Buzz."

There were a lot of things that he would have liked to say. For once, however, Provenza's mind was working faster than his mouth. He still thought that she might have lost her mind. He found it hard to believe that she would have agreed to this crazy plan, which was most likely her husband's idea. Surely her first thought was to send him packing? But then he realized who they were talking about, and there was his track record with his older children. Provenza frowned as he recalled the history of Jackson Raydor and a marriage that wasn't. How many dealings had he had with a young sergeant that had a child playing quietly beneath her desk because it was after hours, daycare was closed, or babysitters were hard to come by after a certain hour?

How many evenings had he sat in a bar, listening to a too loud, too drunk Jack moving back and forth between boasting about his wife and complaining about her. The man had done more complaining than boasting, although Provenza couldn't say that the boasting was exactly flattering. He had his own reasons for being less than fond of the man. A man like that wouldn't exactly care what ended up happening to a child he hadn't exactly planned for, and likely didn't want. Which was why he had come crawling back to his wife before she could successfully divorce him. He imagined that if Jack had been just a few months later, he would have ended up dropping the child off with one of the older kids. He'd make a good show of it, of course, just like Provenza was sure that he was doing now. Sooner or later, however, he would be gone. Unless he managed to grow a marginal amount of conscience and placed her into foster care or gave her up for adoption, in which case, one of the older children might have a problem with that.

When faced with those choices, he supposed it wasn't really such a strange idea that she was adopting the girl after all. To be honest, though, he couldn't say that he would have done it. Provenza sighed. He shook his head and stepped backward, toward the door. "We'll get you an update as soon as we have one…" He gestured toward where Anna was playing quietly, having already grown bored with the adults and their conversation. "I'll have Buzz find her something to eat."

A small smile graced her lips. Sharon nodded. "Thank you, Lieutenant. That would be appreciated."

"Don't thank me yet," he said. "Buzz will want to be reimbursed." He smirked as he withdrew from the office. Once outside, he shook his head again. Provenza looked around the Murder Room, everyone was looking at him now, and from the not so questioning look on the cameraman's face, he guessed the Captain was right. Rusty had spoken to Buzz. Provenza glanced at Flynn, he was the only one who wasn't looking at him, waiting for an explanation. Of course not, like Buzz, he already knew all too well what was going on. Now it made sense, what was bothering him. He was tempted to smack him across the back of his pointed head, how many times did he tell Flynn not to get too close? To stay away from her? Not to get involved? One of these days, the stubborn fool would start listening to him.

Provenza just shrugged and moved farther from her office, back toward his own desk. "We'll have to get her a cake," he said. "And a balloon… It's a girl."

Sykes looked confused. "Sir?" She glanced at the Captain's closed office door before turning her attention back on the Lieutenant. "Is that… I didn't know… they had grandchildren?"

Tao winced and ducked his head. "Amy…"

Sanchez snorted quietly and leaned back in his seat. "I'm just glad the Captain didn't hear that. Remind me to take you to the shooting range the next time she qualifies."

At his desk, Andy's hand tightened around his pen. His teeth ground together. He looked up, rolled his eyes heavenward, and forced himself to release the breath he'd just drawn. He could feel his shoulders tightening by the moment. He cast an annoyed look at Sykes and pinned her with his dark eyes. "It's Jack's daughter. The Captain is adopting her," he bit out. "They reconciled to raise her together." It wasn't too far from the truth, although _together _was a bit of a stretch, he knew. Honestly, he didn't want to think about it.

The more he tried not to, however, the more that was all that occupied his mind. Andy shook his head and stood up. He reached for his jacket and drew it off the back of his chair. "I'm going down to see Morales. Maybe if I stand over him a little bit, he'll rush that autopsy."

"Good luck with that." Tao cast a sympathetic look at him. "He hates it when we do that."

"Then he'll have to learn to like it," Flynn shot back. He strode away from them, and if truth be told he just wanted any excuse to get out of there. He slammed his hand against the buttons when he reached the elevator, and hoped that it would be empty. Sad, moist eyes and a tremulous smile. That's what he kept remembering. The taste of her tears mingled in that last kiss. Andy drew a thin breath between his teeth and stalked onto the elevator when the doors opened. It was, thankfully, empty. He punched the button for the ground level and backed up to lean against the wall.

He wondered if he'd get lucky enough that when he got back Sharon would be gone. It was a hell of a thing, but part of him was hoping she'd decide to take the kid and get out of there for the night. It would get easier, he thought. It had to. It sure as hell couldn't get any worse.

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

"What's that?"

Sharon looked up at the sound. She had returned to her desk and was continuing to work her way through the endless amount of administrative paperwork that came with her job. She smiled patiently at Anna, who it seemed had grown bored with the few toys that Jack had brought to keep her occupied. "It's a time sheet," she replied. "If I don't approve them, my guys in the other room don't get paid on time."

Her little brows drew together, while her nose wrinkled with the confused frown. "What's paid?"

Sharon tilted her head at the child. A brow arched, and in spite of the interruption, a smile was forming. She tapped the end of her pen against the file that was open in front of her. "It's when you're given money for doing a job." She remembered this age. There would be a dozen more questions before Anna would want something else to focus her attention on.

"What's money?" She peered over the edge of the desk, only just tall enough to see what secrets lay atop it.

"Hm." She suppressed a chuckle while she considered what terms she could put it in that Anna would understand. Sharon placed her chin in her hand. "It's what you use to buy food, and houses, and… new dolls."

"Oh." Her eyes widened. Anna nodded slowly. "That's really important," she said seriously.

"Yes," Sharon agreed. "My officers think so too." The little girl was well behaved, or as well behaved as any child was at that age. She was bright, and it was easy to see that at one time she had been well adjusted. Sharon still knew so very little about her. Jack had acquired her medical records and all the legal documents that they needed, but there was so much that those papers couldn't tell them. Sharon drew a breath and let it out slowly. The situation was still so very surreal, and there was still so much for them to do before the dust would begin to settle. For now, they were strangers to Anna, and she to them.

Her eyes tracked the child as she moved away from her desk and circled the office. Sharon rested her arms against the top of her desk and leaned forward, keeping her eyes on Anna. When the girl looked at every thing and finally stopped in front of the low shelf near the door. She pointed at the wooden sculpture atop it and turned back to Sharon. "What's that?"

"Tell you what." Sharon pushed up from behind the desk. "Why don't we go find something to eat." She glanced at her watch. It had only been half an hour since Jack dropped her off. She held out her hand, and wrapped her fingers around Anna's much smaller one before leaving the office with her.

As it so happened, her timing could not have been better. As they entered the Murder Room, Buzz appeared, obviously returning from a food run, as he was laden down with bags and a drink tray. "Captain, you're just in time," Provenza stated upon seeing her. "I sent Buzz for food, and Flynn is on his way back. He went to go bug Morales into hurrying it up."

Sharon felt like sighing. "Which means that he's either got the autopsy results, or he's annoyed the good doctor into waiting until tomorrow," she said drily.

"Luckily for us, it's the first," he said. "Turns out the doc was just wrapping it up when Flynn got there."

Anna looked up at her. "What's autopsy."

Sharon actually cringed at that one. "I think we're going to have to find you a babysitter soon," she said.

"For the record," Buzz stated, from where he was setting the food on an empty desk. "My cut off is age sixteen, and that's only for special witness cases."

"I hope your cut off is a lot older than that, Buzz," Sanchez said. He came over to look through the bags and began laying out warm sandwiches and fries. The salad he found, he placed aside. He didn't even have to ask, that one would be for the Captain.

"Gentlemen," Sharon gave them a warning look. Hopefully they would remember that there was a small child present and keep it clean. She didn't need any more _difficult_ questions. "Anna, can you say hello to everyone?" It occurred to her that she should have introduced the child earlier, but now was as good a time as any, seeing as they were taking a break to eat. "This is Buzz, and that is Detective Sanchez, and Detective Sykes…" She pointed each member of her team out, and finally concluded with the elder Lieutenant. "You already met Lieutenant Provenza."

The little girl's nose wrinkled. She stayed close to Sharon as the introductions were made, and leaned into her legs. "What is your _real_ name?"

His brows lifted. "It's Lieutenant Provenza," he told her, while managing to not grin.

Anna shook her head. "That's not a name." It sounded awfully funny to her. "What's your real _real_ name?"

The Lieutenant, who had risen to retrieve a sandwich bent down so he was closer to her. "My real, real name," he drawled, "is _Lieutenant Provenza_."

His face was utterly serious. The room was silent for a moment, but then Anna's eyes, which had gotten wide, closed. She pressed a hand to her forehead and leaned backward against Sharon's legs, she would have fallen if not for the hand that Sharon placed against her shoulder. She giggled. "You're so silly!"

It drew laughter from everyone, which was quickly muffled. Even Sharon pressed a hand against her mouth and snorted quietly. The Lieutenant just continued to stare, stone faced, at the child. When Anna stopped laughing and met his gaze again, he leaned a little closer. "You have no idea," he whispered. Then he straightened and retrieved his meal.

"Okay little miss." Sharon placed a hand atop her head and maneuvered the child closer to where Buzz was standing. From him, she accepted the wrapped grilled cheese that he had gotten for Anna, and the small carton of fries. "Thank you, Buzz." She smiled gratefully at him. They did, sometimes, take him for granted, but she was always appreciative. She made a mental note to make sure that he knew just how much. "Anna, take this please." She placed the sandwich in the child's hand. "Don't drop it," she cautioned. Then she retrieved her salad and both of the bottled waters that were put aside for them.

Sharon considered the mess that could be made out of even a simple meal, and thought better of joining the others in the murder room. "If Rusty arrives, let him know we're in the break room," she told Buzz, and began herding Anna in that direction.

They had only just reached it, and Sharon was juggling the items in her hand and getting the door open when Andy strode down the hall toward them on his way back from the elevators at the end of the hall. He jogged the last few steps and caught the door for her, pushing it open. "I've got that," he said quietly.

She looked up at him, and for just a moment their eyes met and held. "Thank you," she said softly, and forced herself to look away. She averted her gaze to Anna and readjusted her grip on the water bottles in her right hand. "You have the results from Doctor Morales?" She asked, in lieu of anything better.

He stared back at her, and then Andy picked a spot just over her shoulder and focused on it instead. "Yeah. It's all right here," he indicated the file in his other hand. "He uh… had some interesting things to say." In deference to the kid standing just in front of her, he didn't elaborate further. As his thoughts moved to her, so too did Andy's gaze. He studied the little girl, who was staring back at him, just as curiously. She was all bouncing, golden brown curls and big blue eyes. There was absolutely no resemblance at all to Sharon, of course there wouldn't be, but he could see where someone might mistake a relation. Andy almost snorted at that. Jackson Raydor had a type, he guessed, because while the kid looked like him, there were many other elements that were completely foreign. "So…" His gaze lifted to Sharon again. "You goin' in?" He nodded his head toward the break room, and the fact that he still held the door for her.

"Yes, of course. Thank you, Lieutenant." Sharon gently nudged Anna forward. "Go and find a table."

Instead, Anna just looked up at her. "Is his name Lieutenant too?"

It drew a smile, albeit a small one, from Andy. "She met Provenza," he said, but it was more a statement than a question.

"Yes." Sharon exhaled quietly. "Anna, this is Lieutenant Flynn."

He hesitated for a moment, waiting. When nothing else was forthcoming from Sharon, he looked down at the child. "Andy," he told her, and was reminded just how much he missed hearing Sharon say his name.

Anna smiled, and when prodded again, she slipped into the break room and to the first table she came to. "Thank you," Sharon said again, and moved into the room herself. She leaned her hip against the door, holding it.

"Yeah," he said, and looked down at the file in his other hand. He tapped it against his thigh. "We can go over this in a little while. It can wait," he told her, "Until someone picks her up."

There was an edge in his tone, one she understood and expected. Sharon nodded. "Agreed." There was more that she would have liked to say. Instead, she quietly swallowed the words and stepped away from the door. "I won't be long."

This time he sighed. "Captain, it's fine. Have dinner with your kid." He was more terse this time, but decided that he didn't regret it. Instead, Andy stepped away from the door and let it close between them. He wouldn't let himself look back as he strode past the windows that lined the break room. No matter how badly he wanted to.

She leaned back against the door after it closed and let her eyes drift shut. She drew a breath and let it out slowly. Suddenly her appetite was completely gone. When she opened her eyes again, she found Anna scowling at her sandwich.

"I can't open it," the child complained, almost whining.

Sharon wanted to sigh again. It was on the tip of her tongue to call after Andy, to remind him that _she__'__s not mine, _but she couldn't. She pushed away from the door and crossed the room instead. "Let me try," she said quietly. Sharon set the items in her hands on the table, then let them cover Anna's. She gently pried them away and worked open the paper wrapping of the sandwich. She spread it out for her on the table, and then placed the fries beside it. "There you go." Anna's smile was back, and Sharon reminded herself that this was her life now. Whatever else she might have wanted, it was time to put those thoughts aside and look forward, instead of looking back.


	3. Chapter 3

Better or Worse

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it.

* * *

><p>It had been a thankfully quiet weekend. Major Crimes had wrapped up a case on Thursday evening, and with the paperwork finished by the end of that Friday, Sharon was hoping that her people would enjoy a rare, full weekend off. They might still catch another case, but Saturday was already nearly over, and so far her phone had not rang with news of a murder, or other crime which would fall under their purview.<p>

It wasn't only her team that needed the time off, she reflected, while steadily folding the clothes she pulled from a basket on her bed. Things were just a little easier now that her team knew about Jack and Anna, and while there had been a few probing questions, everything had settled once again in the days that followed that first introduction. It had been more than a week, and the initial awkwardness was fading. They were less open, less trusting with Jack this round, but it was to be expected. Jack would need to earn more than just her trust back in the days that would follow. In the dark looks that he was getting from Julio, Sharon knew that her people were prepared to close ranks around her.

It was heartening, and just a little bit humbling, when she considered where she had been with these people just two years ago. Anna was now becoming a fixture for them as well, something which had been inevitable. Now it was not unusual to see the little girl, although Sharon tried to keep those visits limited. With Rusty she had little choice in the matter, but he had also been old enough that he could be left to his own devices in his cubicle or the break room. The department was really no place for a child, and surely not one as young as Anna. There were times, however, when it just could not be helped. Now that the others knew, Rusty or Jack were not so hesitant in stopping by with Anna in the afternoons or evening, even if it were only in passing.

As life settled toward something resembling normal, Anna too was beginning to settle with them. Nights were still not pleasant, and at the risk of jinxing it, Sharon had at least been able to sleep the last two nights without a frightened child waking her. It wasn't completely over, she knew, but there was light at the end of that tunnel. All they could do was give Anna time, patience, and consistency. The latter was much harder to come by, but they were trying very hard. Distraction worked well. By fitting Anna into her _police life_, as Rusty was calling it, it was feeling more normal. The more relaxed each of them felt, the better it would be for Anna.

Sharon smiled as she considered that. Rusty had obviously been talking to Doctor Joe about this situation. She didn't mind it. Whatever helped him, and whatever _healthy _ways he coped with the many changes in his life, she was more than on board with. She thought they could use a little bit of Doctor Joe's advice, but she also thought that Anna was a little young, just yet, for a psychologist's assistance. She would continue to give her time instead, and if that did not work, she would reevaluate that decision.

Time was something that they all needed, she thought. By all of them, her thoughts turned toward her elder children. It was so much harder for Ricky or Emily to come to terms with everything when they both lived so far away. Ricky was planning to join them soon, he wanted to speak to his father, and of course he would meet his half-sister. Emily was in the middle of a show. While currently they were in the production phase, she couldn't get away, although she wanted to. It would be Christmas, or a week or two prior before they saw her. Sharon had no doubt when her children told her that they _wanted_ to be with her that it was true. Both of them were upset with their father, and for that Sharon was truly sorry, but it wasn't a situation that she could change or help. Jack had brought this on himself, he would need to face their feelings on the matter. There was no getting around that, especially if he wanted this to work.

What exactly _this_ was, Sharon still didn't know. There were days when she was angry enough at Jack that she wanted to shake him, and the rest of the time she was just resigned to the way things needed to be. Soon, she hoped she would be able to explain it to herself, she certainly couldn't explain it to anyone else. She had tried.

"_But mom,_" Emily had questioned. "_Ricky said you were seeing someone_…" It was a fact that she could have denied to anyone but Emily. Her daughter knew her just too well, and so instead she was left explaining that it simply hadn't gone anywhere. How could it?

"_I__'__m a married woman_."

Never before had that statement rang more painfully in her memory. It was meant to put both their minds at ease, and now it was the one thing keeping them apart. _She_ was keeping them apart. It was just so foolish that her mind kept returning to that, and it wasn't only her mind. The heart wanted what it couldn't have. That was something she was trying very hard to come to terms with.

It wasn't only her children questioning her. Only just that week she had spoken to her mother. Sharon called to let her parents know that she and the children would not be making the trip to Park City this year, as previously planned. While they understood that her work could get in the way at a moment's notice, they hadn't expected her to cancel her Christmas plans before Halloween was even upon them. It had, of course, warranted an explanation. Sharon told them about Jack and Anna, and the decision she made to stop the divorce. Her mother's surprised, and slightly disappointed, "_Oh Sharon, you didn__'__t, did you_?" still rang in her mind. Well, of course she had, but unlike everyone else in her life, her mother wasn't going to let it go without a full explanation.

Her parents were not exactly pleased with the situation, but then, she wasn't entirely pleased with it herself. Still, she was well beyond being a grown woman and while they would express their opinions on the matter and had, at length, they wouldn't tell her what to do. They understood, completely now, why Sharon was staying home with the children. "_We need to work on a few things_," she told them, and they had agreed. They were disappointed, as was she. It had been too long since she visited. More than that, they had been looking forward to finally meeting Rusty, and that was one introduction that Sharon very much wanted to make, even if the boy was nervous about it.

Sharon promised herself that she would get out to see them soon. They didn't travel much anymore, not at their ages. She would take Rusty and Anna, and whatever she had to do, she would make sure that Ricky and Emily could make the trip as well.

In the meantime, Sharon reflected, they did have things to work on at home. She pulled a pair of tiny jeans from the basket and folded them. Most of the laundry was Anna's; she had forgotten just how much a small child could generate in laundry each week, and she was sorely behind on it. Rusty tried to help, and oddly enough, Jack had pitched in as well. He was trying, but that only irritated her more, because he certainly never bothered to help with the laundry before.

Sharon supposed that she was being a bit uncharitable and possibly just down right crabby on that matter, but Jack would survive it. Agreeing to remain married to him, and setting up house with him once more wasn't exactly the same thing as having a marriage. So perhaps she didn't feel too bad if she was just a little bit cranky with him. Sharon decided that it wouldn't hurt him to continue _trying_ to get back into her good graces.

She smiled a bit at that thought and added a small t-shirt to the growing stack of folded laundry on her bed. The smile faded quickly, however. This sense of melancholy that she was feeling had settled over her almost immediately upon arriving home. Sharon knew exactly the cause for it, and unable to hold it at bay any longer, she retreated from the others. While alone she could let her mind wander. She could feel the ache that tensed between her shoulder blades, and the way that her heart clenched and her stomach tightened. Sharon sighed quietly. It would do no one any good if she took her current mood out on them.

It was best if she was alone. Even if being alone had her mind returning to the events of earlier that day. It had been pleasant enough. She had known Jack for almost her entire adult life, they were capable of being civil adults. They could relate to each other in that fashion, and especially in front of the children. It wasn't the source of her current downtrodden emotions.

The moment which had caused the day to shift had come as they stopped for lunch. Jack had been carrying Anna under one arm, while the child laughed and hung limply, like the rag doll that she was pretending to be. She had been laughing too, as she recalled. Jack was always good with the kids, when he was present, and there had been times she swore it was like having three of them. Age hadn't tempered that much. Sharon saw a bit of the old goofball in him come out from time to time with Anna. Those weren't painful memories. Perhaps a little bittersweet, but pleasant enough that she hadn't disliked the reminder. She could get lost in it, and she had. Sharon had been riding the good feeling that the day had produced, right up until the moment that they had, almost literally, bumped into Andy Flynn's daughter.

Nicole was coming out of the restaurant with her two boys. Jack had looped an arm around Sharon's shoulders as they conspired on what to do with the little rag doll he was carrying, and whether or not rag dolls could have ice cream if they finished all of their lunch. Standing with him as she was, Sharon wasn't even paying attention to their surroundings. She had looked back in surprise when someone called her name.

"_Sharon._" _Nicole smiled brightly upon realizing that it _was_ her, and not just some stranger with an odd likeness. __"__I thought that was you. How are you?__" _

_Her smile froze in place, and Jack must have sensed the shift in her. His arm moved from around her shoulders, although his hand slid down her back. He cast a curious look at her, but didn__'__t speak as he righted Anna in his arms, settling her on his hip. __"__Nicole.__" __She managed, somehow, to sound normal. At least she hoped that she did. __"__I__'__m good. It__'__s been too long.__" __Almost immediately, her eyes fell to the boys that were with her. __"__Look at you two, you__'__ve gotten so big.__" _

_It was expected that they would get hugs, they always did. Neither Michael nor his younger brother Tommy hesitated at all in stepping forward to receive them. Sharon stooped and caught both boys to her. __"__I can__'__t even believe how tall you__'__ve gotten,__" __she continued, looking at both of them as she knelt in front of them. __"__Have you been good? Are you still dancing?__" _

"_Oh yes,__" __Nicole laughed. __"__They__'__re always dancing. The good part__…" __Her dark eyes sparkled down at her stepsons as she drew them back and Sharon rose. __"__Well, we__'__re working on that.__" _

_Sharon chuckled quietly, but she didn__'__t really _feel_ the laughter. __"__They__'__re boys,__" __she explained. __"__Being good isn__'__t always easy. Is it?__" __While they shook their heads, she returned her gaze to their stepmother. __"__What are you up to today?__" _

"_Oh, we__'__re just out and about,__" __Nicole explained. __"__Dad__'__s actually inside taking care of the check,__" __she waved a hand behind her. __"__He__'__ll be out in a moment. Were you headed in?__" __Her gaze turned questioning and she looked at the man and child that were with her father__'__s__… __well, she wasn__'__t exactly sure what she was. He said they were friends, but Nicole would swear there was more to it than that. Although lately, she realized, he hadn__'__t talked about her much at all. Nicole felt her smile falter when she realized that her father had been deflecting any of her questions about Sharon for the last several weeks. _

"_Yes.__" __Sharon glanced beside her and let her gaze move from Jack to Anna. It would be unconscionably rude to ignore the introduction, and no matter at how awkward it felt, she couldn__'__t seem to reconcile herself to the rudeness. Her own smile was a little weak as she gestured at Jack beside her. __"__We were just stopping for lunch before looking at the next property, and I__'__m so sorry__…" __She laid a hand on Jack__'__s arm, although her hand itched to be pulled back immediately. __"__Nicole, this is Jack Raydor, my husband.__" __The word hadn__'__t wanted to leave her throat, but she forced it out. __"__And this is Anna,__" __she felt her stomach clench painfully. __"__Our daughter.__" __That was true enough, even if the adoption wasn__'__t quite final yet. _

"_Oh.__" __Nicole__'__s eyes widened. She looked between the two of them and the child. She couldn__'__t be much younger than Tommy. __"__I__…" __Nicole blinked a few times, and was reminded of just how often her father told her that he was only friends with this woman. That she was married, although separated. Well, she supposed the latter wasn__'__t exactly true anymore? Nicole tilted her head curiously, just what _had_ been going on between her father and this woman? She shook her head and held out a hand. __"__It__'__s very nice to meet you, Mr. Raydor.__" _

"_Jack, please,__" __he corrected with a small smile. He glanced at Sharon, and beneath her makeup he could see that she had gone a little pale at running into the woman. He tilted his head at her, and his hand moved to the middle of her back again. It was a questioning look that he was giving her. He could read her well, most of the time, and right now she was closed off, something that he found odd. _

_An explanation was warranted, Sharon knew. She smiled tightly at Jack and gestured toward the younger woman again. __"__Nicole is Lieutenant Flynn__'__s daughter,__" __she told him. __"__The boys are her stepsons. Anna,__" __she took the little girl out of Jack__'__s arms and set her on the ground in front of them. __"__Can you say hello to Michael and Tommy?__" __She knew so few people and even fewer that were nearer to her own age. Sharon knelt with her, and the boys it seemed, were deciding to play shy too all over a sudden. _

_Nicole joined them, and knelt between her boys. __"__Do you dance too, Anna?__" __she asked, recalling that Sharon__'__s older daughter was with a ballet company back east. _

_Deciding that she didn__'__t want to meet another stranger right now, Anna turned and wrapped her arms around Sharon__'__s neck. She pressed her face against her shoulder. __"__No,__" __Sharon answered for her. __"__We haven__'__t decided what we like to do yet.__" __In saying that, she was reminded just how little they knew of Anna__'__s interests. It was time, she reminded herself, to start exploring options. __"__We__'__re not sure if this one is going to be a dancer, or if she__'__s more sporty. It could be that like Rusty her interests are more academic than physical.__" _

_It was while they were talking about the kids that Andy joined them. Sharon had risen with Anna still in her arms. The child went easily back to her father. The two stared at each other and the moment became almost unbearably awkward. __"__Captain.__" _

"_Lieutenant.__" __She forced her gaze back to Nicole and smiled again. __"__Well, we should let you get going, and this one needs lunch if she__'__s going to get ice cream.__" _

_The mention of food, specifically dessert, had Anna__'__s head lifting. __"__I want burgers,__" __she stated and lifted her chin at Sharon. _

_She was just smiling too much to make it an effective order. Sharon arched a brow at her. __"__Contrary to anything that Rusty has told you, burgers are not a food group, and you cannot eat them every day.__" _

"_No, but I think between her and her brother, they__'__re going to try.__" __Jack guided Sharon forward, toward the door and away from the group that consisted of her Lieutenant, his daughter, and grandsons. __"__It was nice meeting you,__" __he stated, and at the risk of having Sharon angry with him, he specifically kept his gaze off Flynn. If he looked at the man, he__'__d want to poke at him. Did they think he didn__'__t know what had been going on in his absence? Not that he could talk, of course, and the evidence of that was in his arms. That didn__'__t mean that he had to like it. _

"_Yeah, we should go,__" __Andy said to his daughter. __"__I__'__ll see you on Monday, Captain.__" _

Like a rift opening between them, they separated. It was all too real, running into Andy and Nicole while out with Jack. It wasn't something she expected to have happen, although she supposed it was inevitable. Sharon thought that must make it official now. The two had been on family outings, it was entirely separate and there was no bridging that gap.

Her mood had not much recovered since then. Once they were home again, she busied herself as much as possible. Sharon started dinner and then retreated with the laundry. Where she stood now, quietly folding the evidence of just how much her life had changed, and just how different it was from what she had pictured a few months ago.

She felt movement beside her and glanced over. A brow arched when the man behind all that was occupying her thoughts appeared beside her. Sharon said nothing as she drew a simple cotton nightgown out of the basket and folded it. When Jack reached into the basket as well, her head tilted at him.

Sharon had retreated, almost the moment they had gotten home. It had been a busy day. They had gone to look at a couple of apartments downtown, and even a house out in Echo Park. She hadn't liked any of them, although she had remarked that the house had a yard that Anna would probably enjoy. Then they'd gone to see a condo in a high rise, she seemed to have liked that one the best. They had taken Anna with them, and it had been nice, Jack thought. Rusty was working, so it was just the three of them. He wasn't foolish enough to think, or even comment that they had actually _almost_ seemed like a family.

It had also been a day of errands. They'd had lunch together and then there had been the grocery shopping and the dry cleaning to pick up. It was normal. He almost forgot what normal felt like. Jack was thinking that maybe it wasn't so bad. He was wondering if Sharon would shoot him if he said that, though. He figured the odds were probably good. She was still mad. The woman could stay mad longer than anyone else he knew. It was a quiet anger too, and that always drove him nuts. He wished she'd slam doors and throw things, do _something_ other than walk around silently fuming.

He had it coming, he knew that. Jack just wondered for how long?

He glanced at her now, and she seemed okay. Actually, she had seemed just fine for most of the day. She wasn't exactly as open as he knew she could be, but she wasn't being cold. That might've been for Anna's benefit, he thought. At least, she had been okay until they ran into Flynn and his daughter. Since then, she had been quiet. Jack knew that was why she was finding busy work. He wanted to comment on it, but thought better of it. He didn't want to fight with Sharon.

They had been home for a while now. There was a pot roast in the oven for dinner, and he had actually thought he might cry when Sharon retreated into the kitchen to start making it. He remembered that pot roast, it had been a really long time since he'd had it. She hadn't cooked much since he'd been back, come to think of it, she hadn't cooked much the last time either. She was busy, always working and when she did make dinner, it was quick and simple. He seemed to recall that she liked cooking, and she was pretty damned good at it too. A small grin tugged at his lips. He used to brag about that. His wife, she could out shoot and out cook any cop on the force. He wondered if she knew? Jack decided she definitely would shoot him if he brought it up now.

After she had the roast in the oven, she had disappeared into the small closet at the back of the condo. He wouldn't call it a utility room, it was hardly more than a pair of sliding doors in front of a small washer and dryer with shelves above it. Jack knew that Sharon could be as outgoing as anyone, but when it came to her quiet time, it was best to let her have it. That had been a while ago, however. They'd been home a few hours now, and he was finally feeling brave enough to breach the silence.

"So," he began carefully, "You liked the place we looked at earlier?" Jack cast another sideways glance at her while reaching for another shirt to carefully fold. "The condo over near Fountain Avenue," he said.

Sharon returned his glance while she thought about it. It had been very nice. "Where's Anna?" She asked instead.

"Rusty ran out to pick up something for dessert. Anna wanted to go with him. He didn't mind, so… I thought it would be okay." Jack shrugged. "It's not that late."

"No, that's okay," Sharon agreed. Rusty didn't seem to mind letting her tag along most of the time. He wouldn't have agreed to take her if he wanted to be alone. "I liked the condo," she admitted finally, and realized that it was true. "It's a little bigger than this place, but I don't think it's too big. The neighborhood is nice, and it's closer to downtown for both of us.

"No, I agree." Jack considered it for a moment, then he shrugged. "Can we afford that, Sharon? Like you said, it's a nice neighborhood." It was a high rise, near the Hollywood area, and in a building that was less then ten years old.

There was that word again. _We_. Sharon glanced, more sharply at him. She didn't want to be a _we_, or an _us_, or even a _Jack and I_, but somehow that was exactly what they had become again. She drew a breath and let it out slowly. It wouldn't do to become upset about it. It was the decision that she had made. Again, they all needed time, and she was no different. There were some things that she would need to get used to as well.

"I think it will be okay," she said quietly. "With the sale of this place, and the financing, it won't be too bad." Her brow arched and she looked back at him. "Did you want to keep looking?"

"If it's what you want," he sighed. Jack dropped a pair of socks onto the bed and turned to look at her. "I mean, I know we're pressed in here pretty tight." For emphasis, he waved a hand at the bed and small dresser that they had squeezed into the corner. If Sharon moved the wrong way in the middle of the night, her toes paid the price. He'd heard her swear at it, more than once, and even Rusty's brows had gone up at some choice words he'd never heard come out of her mouth before. "If you want to keep looking," he said, "We can. We don't have to take it just because we need the space. If you want something else…" He trailed off, because she'd gone back to folding clothes. "What about the house, you liked the yard didn't you? I know the drive would be longer, but—"

"I don't want a house." Sharon cut him off quickly. She shook her head. "I had a house, Jack. I don't want another one." Her movements became more uncoordinated as thoughts of how she'd lost that house just annoyed her. "I sold it to help Ricky pay for Stanford, and Emily to get established in New York." She slapped a pair of jeans on a pile of already folded garments and reached for another.

"Right." He held up his hands. "Okay. No house. I get it. I'm sorry. Touchy subject." Jack supposed that he should feel lucky that she didn't also bring up the fact that she had paid off the last of the debts he'd left her with years before. Since then, she'd done well, invested well, and of course she had this place. College tuition, however, was expensive and so was her shopping habit… but Jack wisely kept his mouth closed on that subject. They all had their little vices. Armani was hers. He supposed it could be a lot worse. "I just meant, we could keep looking."

"I know." She ran a hand over her hair and sighed. It had come loose from the clip she placed it in earlier, and was falling in tousled curls around her neck and shoulders. Sharon pulled the clip out and ran her hands through it. She tossed the clip aside while she let her mind wander over all the things that she was currently thinking about. "I'm sorry," she said finally. "You're right, that is a touchy subject, and it's in the past. It was unfair to bring it up again." Sharon drew a breath and began stacking the clothes that they had folded. She carried them to the small dresser that was holding Anna's clothes and began putting them away. "I liked it," she said after another minute's worth of silence. "The condo, it was nice. I like the view." She glanced at him, and managed a small, if weak smile. "It's near enough to the park for Anna, and I liked that one of the bedrooms was directly across the hall from the master. She'll be close, but we won't be tripping over each other." Sharon straightened and her smile grew more genuine. "I'll be able to wear heels again."

"I don't know." Jack looked at her feet, safely encased in a pair of soft flats. He picked up the remaining stack of laundry and carried it to her. "Do you think they'll recover? I got a good look at that pinky toe the other night. It may never be the same."

Sharon laughed. "Well, they say that beauty is pain. I suppose I'm about to learn that first hand, hm?"

"Yeah, I think you're going to have to." Jack tilted his head at her. "You're just too short in those things. No one is going to take you seriously." When she rolled her eyes at him, he grinned outright.

"I am not short," Sharon sniffed at him. "I'm average height for a woman." She tossed her hair and placed the stack of shirts in the appropriate drawer before closing it.

"Right." Jack smirked. "For a woman." His brow arched at her. "you're not a woman." Her eyes narrowed, and it only made his sparkle. "You're Darth Raydor, remember?"

She snorted at him and walked around to pull the basket off her bed. She placed it instead on the floor near the hamper to begin filling it with the next load that would need washed. Sharon tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I'll make the calls on Monday. We can start the process. I'd like to be moved in before Thanksgiving. I'm not sure how feasible that's going to be. Ricky is planning on being here, and it would be nice to be unpacked and settled." He was going to visit before that, but there was a small part of her that held out hope Emily might surprise them with a visit over that long holiday weekend too. Unlikely, but she could hope. Otherwise, it was going to be closer to Christmas before she saw her baby girl again.

"Then we can start the dreaded packing." Jack leaned against the door frame of the master bath that was attached to her room. He stuffed his hands into his pockets while he watched her sorting laundry. "What secrets has Sharon got hidden all over this condo," He teased, while waggling his brows.

"Wouldn't you like to know." Sharon straightened and swept her hair back. She placed her hands on her hips and shot a narrow-eyed gaze at him. "I'd best not catch you poking around either," she warned, and pointed a finger at him as an afterthought.

"Hey," He put his hands up and pushed away from the door frame. "Would I do that?" At her very pointed look, he grinned crookedly. "Okay, I did once, but I learned my lesson, honey." Jack picked up the basket for her and carried it over, to set on the dresser, nearer to the door. "I think I should point out for you, Sharon, you can't pack an entire condo by yourself. You're going to need some help. I might have to open a closet or two."

"Not if you know what's good for you," she shot back at him. Sharon stalked toward him. "You ruined a very expensive pair of Jimmy Choo boots tromping all over them with those feet of yours." She poked his chest. "I'll pack my closets, thank you very much."

"Does that mean the drawers are fair game?" His brows bobbed.

Sharon groaned and turned away. "I walked into that one. Stay out of those too." She shook her head at him, and when she felt his hands at her waist, she went stiff. Jack leaned into her back, and his face was near her neck. Whatever levity she had felt return began to fade. "What are you doing?"

She felt stiff as a board in his arms. He nosed her hair aside and pulled her back against him. Jack's hands slid around her waist until his arms circled her. "I miss you, Shar," he said quietly. "I miss this. I miss _us_," he explained, and not without a good dose of regret in his tone.

His lips moved along her neck, beneath her ear in a soft kiss. Sharon shrugged away from him and removed his hands. She stepped out of his embrace and turned. "Don't," she said, when it seemed he would step forward. She placed a hand against his chest and gave him a firm push backward. "There isn't an _us_, Jack. There hasn't been for a very long time. Missing it might be something that you should have thought about _before_ you left."

"My god!" He ran a hand over his hair. "How long are you going to make me pay for that?" Jack shook his head at her. He threw his hands up in exasperation. "I'm here, aren't I? For crying out loud, Sharon, I'm trying here!"

"Oh," she snorted a laugh, but it sounded hollow even to her ears. "How long, Jack? How long are you going to be here this time? What's the matter, darling, are you lonely?" Sharon's eyes flashed angrily. "You haven't found someone to replace the last girlfriend, or perhaps the idea of middle-aged fatherhood is turning off the young, pretty things you try to attract? Not that it's really a problem, the wife is at home, you'll just warm her up a little and everything will be fine." Her voice dipped, it shook with emotion and perhaps much of it was pent up, but she couldn't quite believe that he really thought she would be so easily swayed at this stage in the game. "What goes through your mind? I'd like to know, Jack. Down on your luck? Call Sharon. Get into a little trouble, call Sharon. Need a warm body to roll around with, let's call Sharon if no one else is available. Do you really think that it's going to work, _now_, of all times? Honestly, Jack, _what_ could you be thinking?" She didn't really want to know the answer, so she shook her head. "Actually tell me, how did you picture it? Will the bed suffice or should we just go at it right here on the floor."

She was angry. Angrier than he thought he had seen in a very long time. Jack looked down and sighed. His first urge was to fight back. That was usually how it went. She said things, he said a few more, and then one of them left. Actually, in all fairness, he left. It was a pattern that they had perfected over the years. His jaw clenched, while his throat ached with the force of holding back everything that he was tempted to shoot back at her. The problem was, she hadn't exactly yelled, and while her eyes were a narrowed, frosty shade of jade, he could see more hurt than he could anger. He also realized he really had no where else to go. Not now, not with everything that happened.

Jack sighed quietly and shook his head. He lifted his gaze slowly from the floor. His hands had gone to his hips, and clenched there for a moment. "You're right, Sharon. I'm sorry." He took a cautious step forward, and held his hands in front of him when her eyes flashed a warning. "You're pissed, and I get it. You've been pissed at me for a long time, and maybe I deserve it. Actually I probably do." She didn't bolt, she folded her arms in front of her, and he placed his hands, carefully, on her shoulders. He could feel the bunching of her muscles beneath his palms as he let them slide down to her upper arms. "I'm here though," he continued. "I did a lot of things wrong, and I don't know if I can do any of it right, I'm not even sure if I remember what that really is anymore. But I'm trying. I'm not just here cause I need money, or a cosigner, or a thousand other reasons that I've used over the years. Yeah, I left. I walked out. Too many times, and I'm sure you could count them all off for me. I'm here now, and I do miss how it was. You know, before I left the first time. Maybe today reminded me of that." He shrugged, and offered a sheepish smile. "You know, when Emily was little, before Ricky was born."

Sharon averted her gaze and let her teeth grind together. She inhaled deeply and let the breath out slowly. She tried to calm the emotions that he provoked. She was angry with him, and she wanted to be angry with him, and so she had lost her temper just a bit. Maybe she needed to. Maybe he needed to hear everything that she never said to him, and all the things that she usually pushed aside in the name of personal and family harmony. Sharon closed her eyes and exhaled again. Perhaps he was not the only one who had been reminded of how things used to be, long ago, before he exchanged his family for his addictions, and before he became a person that manipulated her instead of loved her. She didn't step away from him, but neither did Sharon relax. Instead, she shook her head slowly.

"I'm not ready yet," she spoke quietly, and it was barely a whisper. Her voice caught and she drew her bottom lip between her teeth. "I don't know if I ever will be, but right now I am just… _not_. I know you're trying," she conceded softly. Sharon lifted her gaze slowly and shrugged delicately. "I don't know that this is going to work, I don't now if it can. I just… I need some time, Jack. Please?"

The last was spoken so quietly it was almost a whisper. His hands moved to cup her elbows. She was being honest with him, at least. Although, Jack knew that she always was. Even when it was something he didn't want to hear. Most of the time he didn't want to hear it, now that he thought about it. Jack nodded quietly. "Time," he repeated after a moment. She wasn't shutting him down completely. That was something, a crack in the ice maybe. "I can do that," he decided with a sigh. "Maybe its not a bad idea."

They heard the door open and close in the outer room. That was Anna and Rusty returning from their trip to the store. Sharon pulled away from him and walked toward the door. She schooled her features as she went. "I should check on dinner," she said.

"Hey." Jack caught her arm before she could move too far beyond him. "Do you think you're ever going to forgive me?"

Sharon stared back at him, her mask slipped again. She smiled sadly. "I just don't know, Jack." She held his gaze for a moment, and when he nodded, she slipped away again. Sharon made her way into the living room, and by the time she stepped out of the hall, she had a smile in place. Rusty would see beyond it, she was sure, her boy was far too intuitive for his own good. Anna, on the other hand, who jogged toward her with a wide smile was none the wiser. "So, who wants to help me set the table…"

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

The first thing that Ricky Raydor noticed when he arrived the following week was the obvious tension between his parents. That was nothing new for all of them. Ricky couldn't remember a time when there hadn't been some kind of tension between the two of them. By the time he was even Anna's age, they were having problems. His dad was gone by the time he was five, at least the first time. The next few years their family seemed to have a revolving door. Then he was just gone, for a good long while. He wasn't sure that he understood what kept his mother holding on, and most of the time, Ricky was pretty sure that he didn't _want_ to understand it.

So his dad had managed to screw up again. Another thing that wasn't exactly new and it was no big surprise. The way in which he'd screwed up this time, well that was taking some getting used to. The whole idea of having a little sister was, well after the whole little brother thing - not so bad, but still very surreal. The part he couldn't wrap his head around was that his dad really had the guff to come to his mother with it all. More surprising, she let him. Again, he didn't understand it.

The kid was cute enough, he would give her that. For her, the whole idea of brothers and sisters was pretty abstract, and it was going to come with a big learning curve. Ricky figured they were all pretty much in the same boat.

On his second night in town, he decided to take everyone out to dinner. As he strode along the side walk beside his mother, after leaving the restaurant, Ricky dropped his arm around her shoulders. "I'm starting to worry about you." His father was walking ahead of them with Anna holding onto his hand. Ricky glanced over the top of his mother's head at Rusty. The two shared a grin. "You see, I'm just not sure that you're human."

"Hm." A smile curved her lips. "I would tread carefully if I were you, Richard." With her eyes sparkling, she wrapped an arm around his middle. It did help, so very much, to have him home. Even if it was only for a few days, it did her heart good. It was also wonderful to see him continuing to get along with Rusty, and now it was not only just for her.

"Well yeah," he arched a brow at her. His dark eyes were sparkling with mischief. "There's no telling what kind of alien creature you're going to turn into. I mean, it's been a busy year for you, mom. First you get me a brother, and now you get me a sister… and check you out, I think you even _lost_ weight. You're too thin."

"For that last part, I will forgive you." Sharon laughed. She shook her head at him, and shot a look at Rusty when he laughed along with them. "Careful, this sibling thing works on a guilt by association curve."

"She's not kidding." Ricky snorted. "How many times did I go down for Emily? It's not cool, little brother."

"I think the more appropriate question," Sharon stated, "is how many times did Emily go down for you." She fixed her son with a pointed look. "Nice try, Richard."

"That's twice." Rusty pointed out, in case his brother wasn't keeping track. "You're getting dangerously close to middle-name land."

"Really?" Ricky tossed a look at him. "Thank you, Russell. I hadn't noticed."

"Behave," Sharon grinned, despite the admonishment, "both of you."

"But he started it," they whined.

In front of them, Jack laughed. "Been a while since I heard that." He tossed a look back at the boys. "I'd be careful with that one if I were you. Don't poke the bear, and all of that," he said with a grin.

"Advice that you would do well to take," Sharon drawled with a smirk.

"I speak from experience, sweetheart," Jack shot back. "It's why I'm not doing the poking."

"Well, never let it be said that an old dog can't learn new tricks," she stated, only too sweetly.

Jack made a face at her and shook his head. He laughed. She was in a fairly decent mood, had been since Ricky's arrival. Of course, she had also had two glasses of wine with dinner, or had it been three? He wasn't entirely sure, but he wasn't going to ruin her good mood if he could help it. He had given her some distance since the confrontation in her bedroom several days before. At least, as much distance as he could given the size of the apartment and their current living arrangements. He looked down at Anna beside him, and when his daughter looked back, he shrugged. "Ruff."

Sharon snorted quietly and nudged Ricky. "He's your father."

"You married him," he pointed out with a grin. "I wasn't there, remember." Ricky just smirked down at her. "Benefits of coming along later. You can't blame it on me. Of course, last year, I would have said, it was the benefit of being the youngest, but that doesn't apply anymore."

"It's fleeting," Rusty stated. "Don't feel bad. One minute it's there, next minute it's gone." He had his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. He shrugged at Ricky and grinned. "I feel your pain."

When they reached Sharon's silver sedan, Jack unlocked the doors and passed Anna off to Rusty to get settled in the backseat. He rounded the car while Ricky was holding his mother's door for her, and slid in behind the steering wheel. Soon enough, they were buckled in and the car was pulling into traffic. They made it to only the first stoplight before Anna's plaintive voice drew his attention.

"You're touching my seat." She pushed Rusty's hand off the edge of her car seat. She wasn't quite big enough yet for a booster seat, even if she was almost too big to be considered a toddler anymore.

Rusty slanted a look at her. When Anna got busy playing with her doll again, he laid his arm against the edge of the carseat. In the rearview, Jack could see him watching her, a mixture of mischief and amusement in his gaze. He shook his head and glanced at Sharon. She was speaking to Ricky about his plans to spend the spring traveling in Europe.

"Rusty stop!" Anna whined and pushed his hand off her seat again. She made a face at him.

"Anna." Sharon's head rolled against the back of the seat. She cast a look into the backseat. "Don't whine. Rusty, don't even think about it." She caught him, and her eyes narrowed. His hand was poised to settle on the seat again. Normally it was a game the two of them played, but Anna was much too tired to enjoy it. The whining was the first indication that she would be easily tempted into a tantrum.

"That part, I didn't miss." Jack cut a look at her. He took a left at the next street and shook his head. "Remember that summer we drove out to your parents' place, with both kids."

She snorted. "I don't think I could forget." Sharon turned in her seat and made a face at Ricky. "The two of you tormented each other all the way there and then again all the way home."

"Mom, she's touching me," Jack mocked. "Ricky took my walkman." He rolled his eyes. "I think my ears are ringing again."

"After that rendition," Sharon drawled, "I'm not surprised."

"Dude." Rusty stared at him. "Walkman? Man, you are _really _old. That is like, the 8-track of personal listening devices. When were you born, like 1970?"

"Ha!" Ricky rolled his eyes. "Funny!" He made a face and then leaned down to Anna. "Can I see your doll? I think I need to show it to Rusty." He smiled widely and when she handed it over, Ricky threw it at Rusty. "There, have something to play with, you big baby."

The antics in the backseat were quickly digressing. Jack tilted his head when they stopped at the next light. "Now all we're missing is Emily with her ballet shoes, beating him over the head."

Sharon giggled quietly. She pressed the back of her hand against her mouth and looked toward the window. "Yes. I thought at least two of them were adults, but I think I was mistaken." The doll was tossed across the backseat again and her lips pursed. "Would you like to handle it?"

"Oh no…" Jack shook his head. "You were always better at that than I was. Your reputation does precede you, Sharon. Go right head." He glanced into the rearview again and physically winced when Anna squealed, loudly, and high-pitched. "Please."

"Hm." She looked into the backseat again. "Richard William, Russell Thomas, Anna Grace. That is enough. Ah!" She pointed a finger at her eldest son, who was poised to toss the doll again. "Give that back to your sister, right now. I don't want to see it out of her hands again. Anna, squeal like that again, and it's straight to bed when we get home. Do _not_ even think about it," she said to Rusty, whose face was twisting toward a smirk that she knew was going to be directed at Ricky. "Act like the adults that you both are, and not the unruly five-year-olds you would obviously like to be."

"Yes ma'am," both boys slumped in their seats, hands in their laps. But they were exchanging looks and trying not to laugh. The gig was up when Sharon turned back around. Rusty bowed his head while his shoulders shook.

On the opposite side of the car, Ricky snorted quietly. He had a hand covering his face. "You got middle-named," he managed.

"Shh!" Rusty was leaning against his door. He slanted a look at Ricky and then snorted with quiet laughter.

"Boys." Sharon had her head resting against the back of her seat, and her eyes were closed. There was a smile playing against her lips.

The car was only silent for another minute. Anna heaved a sigh. "But I'm not a _boy!_"

Rusty and Ricky both dissolved into laughter. Jack shook his head. "I can only take responsibility for one of them," He said, speaking of the boys.

"I'm blaming you for all three," she decided.

Jack heaved a loud sigh, which in the interior of the car, sounded even louder. Finally, he just shook his head again. "Yes dear."

It was all it took to have Ricky laughing again. "Only took him thirty years to learn that one."

Sharon hummed quietly, but didn't respond. She still wasn't at all convinced that he had learned, but if they could make Ricky's visit more pleasant by being more civil toward one another, then that's what they would do. She still didn't know that she would ever forgive him, as he had asked. Only time would be able to determine that, at the moment, all she could agree on was a cease fire. A truce, of sorts, while they figured out all the particulars and whether or not they would really be able to continue living together again.

Time... to discover whether or not her heart would ever recover from loving another, someone she simply couldn't have.


	4. Chapter 4

Better or Worse

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it.

* * *

><p>It took a few weeks to close on the sale of the new condo, and of course to sell the one they currently lived in. The location was prime enough, however, that it went almost immediately upon going on the market. Then they were faced with the chaos of the move. Packing took time. One simply did not realize how much could be acquired in personal possessions until it came time to pack it all away in boxes.<p>

Sharon wanted to be settled into the condo by the Thanksgiving holiday, and by mid-October it seemed that was going to be a reality. They arranged the move for a weekend. Sharon oversaw as much of the packing as she could, between cases and making sure that Anna stayed on a schedule. It meant some late nights, especially if they were going to get moved within the thirty days that they were being allotted in the closing of her condo's sale.

The actual move took place over the course of a long weekend. Movers swept away boxes and furniture, and the furniture that they'd ordered for Anna's new room was scheduled to be delivered at the same time. It was, quite simply, organized chaos. Sharon wound up working part of it, and it was left to Jack and Rusty to see to it that everything arrived and was placed where she had indicated.

By midday Sunday her case had wrapped and she kept both Jack and Rusty busy with unpacking boxes and moving furniture until she was satisfied. There was just no way that they would get everything unpacked and put away in a single weekend, but they concentrated on the bedrooms and kitchen and the rest would fall into place overtime. That Monday, Sharon managed to take the day she had scheduled for personal leave and help finish making the condo at least semi-livable.

In all of the activity, remaining upset or angry with Jack seemed to become less important. It had been almost two full months since he'd brought Anna to her. Both adoptions were final. Rusty was hers, and now so too was Anna. They had celebrated both of them prior to the move, although Sharon was sure that something more significant was in order. She still felt as though she wasn't connecting with Anna as well as she should, but it had been an enormously hectic couple of months. Between her work, and Jack's, and of course Rusty's work and class schedules, they seemed to always be on the go. The quiet moments were rare and few and she resolved to enjoy them as much as she could.

Sharon had also made another decision, just prior to the move. It was one that she had battled with for a number of weeks. She had made the decision to turn her life upside down, but she wasn't really living in it. She might never forgive Jack, but this was the longest that she could recall he had ever bothered to _try_ at being a part of their family in quite some time. In the long run, it seemed rather pointless for her to be making the decisions that she was, going through the motions of trying to make something work for the sake of all their children, and not just Anna, if she wasn't willing to at least meet him halfway. She couldn't say that she was ready to let him in completely, but if she was committing herself to remaining married to him, then it was time to just commit. She could no longer continue living in some version of limbo, and neither could the rest of her family.

Even after making the decision, Sharon wrestled with it. She was still unsure of him, but convinced herself that it was her only recourse. If Jack was going to try, then she should at least have the grace and wherewithal to return the favor. If at that point it was all a resounding failure, they would at least both know that they had tried.

It wasn't until the week following the move that Sharon made the first concessions in her new approach to this odd and unexpected life change. She would not relax the restrictions she had put on the sale and purchase of their home. She and Jack had signed a contract at the beginning of that process, one which served as a basic marriage contract as it was much too late for a prenup. If, for some reason, the current state of their marriage fell apart, Jack agreed to relinquish all rights to Sharon's pension, savings and personal accounts. He also agreed that unless otherwise stipulated at the time, any properties purchased during their period of reconciliation would be solely hers. They couldn't know what the future held, and if they did divorce later, Sharon didn't want the financial disentanglement she had worked so hard at over the years to be completely undone.

Jack understood. Even as they finished moving into their new home, he didn't complain about the fact that it wasn't actually his. Whether that was an honest projection of his feelings or not, Sharon didn't know. She was tired of second guessing him, however, and the more she tried the more exhausting it became.

So when, a full week after the move, Sharon found Jack making up the couch and still moving stiffly as he did it, she shook her head and held out a hand. "Come on."

It was late, and they'd only just finished fully unpacking the last of the living room. Every book was now placed on a shelf, in an exact precise manner. The paintings Sharon wanted him to hang were stacked and waiting on her desk, and if Anna were not already tucked into her bed, they'd have finished that task too. Instead, he would be hanging those the following evening. Jack eyed her hand a little curiously. "What?"

Sharon rolled her eyes at him. "Do you _want_ to sleep on the couch?" She wriggled her fingers at him. "The offer won't last long, I suggest you take it before I change my mind." She sighed. "You can sleep in the bed, Jack."

He squinted at her. Jack wasn't sure if he should be wary of her or not. It might be a trap, but she didn't usually resort to these kinds of games. Actually, when he thought about it, they had been getting along fairly well the last several weeks. "That thing is not as comfortable as it looks," he said, pointing at the couch. "I'm not going to make you sleep on it."

Sharon arched a brow at her. Her head tilted and she gave him an indulgent smile. "I wasn't planning on it," she said slowly. She held up her hand again. "You will keep your hands to yourself, but you can sleep in the bed." It was a small gesture, but all that she was capable of at this point. She wasn't ready to cross that line with him yet.

His eyes dropped to her hand, and then he looked at the couch. Jack didn't have to be told twice. The damned thing was killing him. He placed his hand in hers and let her tug him along down the hall. Inside the bedroom, she let go of him and walked to her side of the bed. His eyes trailed her movement around the room as she checked her phone and then stepped into the bathroom to change. When she emerged, he was still waiting near the foot of the bed. The lock box she kept her gun in was on the top of the tall, upright bureau. It was well out of Anna's reach, but he watched as she moved it to the top of the closet anyway. He shook his head, she had done the same thing when Emily and Ricky were younger. When she turned back to look at him, Jack put his hands up. "I get it. You're armed. Hands to myself, sweetheart."

She smirked at him. "That's not the gun you'd need to worry about." Sharon moved back to the bed and began pulling back the covers. "I've been told the bean bags hurt quite a bit. Especially on softer parts of the anatomy."

Jack winced. "Honey, you had me at saying goodbye to the sofa. That was just cruel." He walked around to the opposite side of the bed and tossed a couple of the throw pillows that she liked so much onto the cushioned bench chest at the foot of the bed.

"Just as long as there aren't any misunderstandings later," she explained. Sharon climbed in on her side of the bed and lay with her back to him. It was odd, having someone else in her bed again. Yet another thing she would need to get used to again.

He lay on his back, and when she turned out the lamp, he blinked to help his eyes adjust to the darkness of the room. Jack was quiet for a few minutes, and then he cast a look at her. He could only make out the curve of her shoulder. "So, this isn't like, some kind of joke is it? I'm about to find out that you've started snoring at some point and I'm going to be begging for the couch before it's over."

Sharon chuckled quietly. "I suppose that there is really only one way to find out. Good night, Jack," she said, rather pointedly.

"Just for the record, if there's snoring involved, I will be recording it." He rolled onto his side and faced the wall. "Oh, and I'm keeping my hands to myself, but you keep those icicles you call feet on your side of the bed." At her quiet giggle, he knew that he'd probably end up with them eventually. They were like little heat seeking missiles, as he recalled.

Jack let his eyes close, and as odd as it might feel sleeping in a bed after so many weeks on a couch, he was tired enough that he felt him self drift almost immediately. How long he slept, he didn't know. When he woke up again, it was to the bed moving and a child crying. He rolled onto his back with a grunt and sept a hand over his face. The bed beside him was empty, however. Jack pushed himself up and listened. The crying was coming from across the hall and Anna's bedroom. He sighed. He wanted very much to go back to sleep, and was tempted to do just that, but he climbed out of the bed instead.

He crossed the hall and found Sharon walking with Anna in her arms. She was murmuring quietly while she tried to soothe the child back to sleep. "What happened?"

"Just a bad dream." They came less frequently now, but moving into a new place had caused a resurgence. Sharon rubbed Anna's back and made another turn around the room in her pacing.

"Here, let me have her." Jack lifted the little girl away from her and settled her against his chest and shoulder instead. "I've got an idea." They were just too tired to spend a night trying to convince Anna to go back into her own bed. He moved to the door and started across the hall with her. "We used to do this with Emily."

"Jack, I don't want to get her into that habit." Sharon followed and sighed when he tucked Anna into the middle of her, or she supposed, their bed. "It was hard enough to break with Emily."

"It's just one night," he said easily. "It's going to be fine, Sharon. You need sleep and so do I." He pulled the blanket up over Anna, who was already snuggling down with her doll and beginning to settle. "See…"

She sighed as she climbed into the bed. "Just for the one night…" Sharon settled on her side again, this time facing the middle of the bed. "If it starts getting crowded in here, you're the first one gone," she warned, although with a small smile.

"Yeah, yeah," Jack rolled his eyes. "Your couch and I are old friends, Sharon. I'm sure it's going to miss me anyway." She seemed to indicate that his sleeping there was about more than just tonight, and the way his back was bothering him after the move. Maybe, he reflected, she was finally beginning to soften a little bit. "Look on the bright side, sweetheart. You're guaranteed not to have to go traipsing down to the parking garage in your nightie to find that beanbag gun now."

Sharon snorted at him and closed his eyes. "Go to sleep, Jack. Or I'll do just that."

He rolled his eyes and settled down. "Yes dear." He heard her snort again and shook his head. He noticed that Anna was already half asleep again and decided it was best if both of them followed suit. He could poke at Sharon some more later. There was an advantage to having been married so long, he knew exactly which buttons he could push, and which ones to stay far away from. Then there the ones that he could push for the hell of it. For the sake of mending his relationship with her couch, he decided he'd be careful in his poking for a while.

When next that Jack woke, there was a softness nestled against him. Light was filling the room, casting it in shades of gray and early morning gold. A body was tucked against his chest, and her hair was tickling at his chin. He cracked his eyes open and glanced down at a familiar dark head. At some point, he realized Anna must have gotten up again. She was laying on Sharon's other side, a stuffed, white puppy had replaced the doll that she had originally brought with her. It was Sharon that was tucked against him.

Her back was to him, and she had an arm wrapped around Anna. He had obviously slept through whatever caused the change in position and snuggling toy, and figured it mustn't have been too terrible. His arm was draped around her waist, and when he moved it, she shifted against him and gave a sleepy sigh. Jack drew the arm beneath him up and rested his head in hand. He looked down at her from his propped position and realized that, even asleep, she still looked just a little sad.

He drew a hand up and gently swept a lock of hair away from her face. His fingers brushed her cheek. When she hummed quietly, he leaned down. His lips moved against her ear. "Still the prettiest girl from Berkley."

A smile curved her lips slowly. "Liar." Sharon kept her eyes closed. Anna had woken frightened again, and only her favorite stuffed toy would appease her. Unfortunately, the thing was almost as big as she was, which was how they'd come to be sleeping as they were currently. Sharon was just too tired to fight the semantics of it.

"You always say that." Jack's hand moved down her arm to settle at her waist again. "You can fault a lot of things honey, but not my eyesight."

"Hm." She rolled onto her back and finally her eyes fluttered open. Sharon arched a brow at him. "I don't know, Jack. You're older than I am," she spoke quietly. "It's definitely started to go if you're using that old line." Sharon shook her head. "That girl is long gone."

"You think so?" His head was still in his hand. He reached up again and his index finger trailed the curve of her cheek. Her face was scrubbed clean of makeup. The lines around her eyes and mouth were more defined. There were freckles dotting her nose, that he could only just make out in this light. Her eyes were still the same vibrant shade of green. They caught the morning light, and it was reflected in the gold flecks that he had always thought made her eyes burn so brightly. "No," he said quietly. "I still see her." Jack leaned down slowly, and when she didn't stop him, he let his mouth settle against hers.

His hand cupped the side of her face. He'd expected her to go stiff against him, but instead her hand circled his forearm and her mouth moved beneath his. When her lips parted, he accepted the invitation. His hand moved into her hair and he tipped her face up, while his mouth angled over hers and the kiss deepened. Jack allowed it to linger only for a moment before he lifted his head. There was a sadness in her eyes that nearly stole his breath. He felt it. It moved right through him, and the realization that there was nothing at all between them felt like a blow to his gut.

Her alarm went off and Sharon rose. She climbed over Anna without jostling the child and turned it off. She cast only one more, sad, regretful look at Jack before she crossed the room and closed herself up in the bathroom. She could ask him for more time, but there were some things that even time couldn't fix.

Jack fell back on his pillow and stared at the ceiling. Once again, it seemed he much slower to make the connections that Sharon had been trying, in her own way, to point out to him. It rocked him more than Sharon asking for the divorce. In the back of his mind, he guessed that he always thought they would be Jack and Sharon. She could be angry at him, she could push him away, but at the end of the day, she would still love him. She had offered him an overture.

He glanced at the other side of the bed and the sleeping child. She had offered him more than that. In the end, were they both only just going through the motions? He hadn't felt anything either. How many times in the last several years had he tried to get this close to her? It never worked. She always held him at arms length. Now here he was, and left with the disappointment that getting what he wanted wasn't so wonderful at all.

With a sigh, Jack rolled from the bed. He made his way down the hall and into the kitchen. He started the coffee and began pulling down what they would need for breakfast. Not that Sharon would eat much, but the kids would. It didn't feel like much of a cooking morning, so he set out cereal and then poured himself a cup of coffee when it was ready.

He was still seated at the bar when Sharon appeared, showered and dressed. Anna was still asleep in their bed, but he'd heard Rusty moving around although the kid hadn't made an appearance yet. Jack glanced up as she came into the kitchen. He watched her pour a cup of coffee and returned his gaze to his cup. He was on his third, and somehow, that just wasn't helping. He turned the mug in his hands and sighed.

"You love him." He said it calmly, and it was a statement rather than a question. It was something he'd been thinking about since she retreated into the bathroom.

"Jack." Sharon's hands tightened around her cup. She didn't want to talk about it. Discussing it wouldn't help the situation, it wouldn't change it. "It doesn't matter."

There was a finality in that. He looked up at her again and watched her avert her gaze. She wouldn't look at him. "I guess it doesn't," he said, although he wasn't sure. Jack sighed again. "You should have said something."

Sharon shook her head. "There was nothing to say, Jack. There _is_ nothing to say about it. You asked me to make a decision and I made one." She drew a thin, shuddering breath. Her eyes burned again, although she thought she'd worked out all of the tears while she was in the shower. "I'm sorry."

"Me too." He stood up and dumped what remained of his coffee into the sink. "Maybe you were right all along. Some things are just too broken to be fixed." Jack stopped behind her. He lay his hands on her shoulders and felt the tremor run through her. He kissed the back of her head. "At least one thing doesn't change. You're still the prettiest girl from Berkley."

He left her standing there alone. Sharon bowed her head and closed her eyes tightly against the insistent burning of new tears. She pressed her fingers against her lips when they trembled. After a moment, she retrieved her purse and headed out the door. She didn't want Rusty or Anna to see her upset. She had the drive to get herself under control again before she reached the office.

Fortunately she was much too busy once she arrived to let her thoughts linger for very long. Rusty stopped by with Anna in the afternoon and then she met them both at home after stopping to pick up dinner. Jack was nowhere to be found.

Instead, she found her bed made and an envelope waiting on her pillow. Upon closer inspection, she realized that all of his things were gone. Inside the envelope were the divorce papers. Signed, and needing only her signature and to be filed. There was a single, simple post-it note affixed to the front of the document. Jack's messy scrawl was slanted across it. "_I__'__m sorry too_."

Yes, they were broken, much too broken to ever be fixed.

Sharon sank onto the edge of her bed. She clutched the papers in her hands and closed her eyes against the disappointment. Part of her had hoped that it would work, at least for Anna's sake, and for the sacrifices that had been made. She wasn't overly surprised. Jack was running. It was what he did when he couldn't face the realities of his life, and this one was rather harsh. She didn't love him anymore, hadn't for some time, and neither did he. They could coexist for the sake of their children, but in the end they were merely old acquaintances. Just people with shared memories who happened to have known each other for a very long time.

Sharon drew a thin breath and exhaled quietly. In the end, she realized that this was always going to happen. He was gone. He'd left her again… and he'd left behind another child for her to raise alone.


	5. Chapter 5

Better or Worse

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it.

* * *

><p>"So Morales puts time of death between four and five in the morning," Tao explained as he placed photos on the murder board. "We have traffic photos of Josh Newsome at the intersection two blocks from where the victim's body was found," He tapped the photo on the board and placed another. "Then again here, caught by the security camera of a bank down the street from where the victim was found."<p>

"Then we have the matching tire tread at the end of the alley where Jenna Harris was found," Provenza stated. "Please, don't make me say it…"

Sharon was leaning against the edge of an empty desk. She rolled her eyes at him and instead, shot a look at Lieutenant Flynn who was leaning against his own desk. "What do we know about Mister Newsome's alibi?"

He hardly glanced at her, but then he rarely did these days. It was getting better, and maybe some day he'd once again be able to share in her amusement at his partner's arrogance. For now, it was all still too fresh, the memory of her and the beach and those sorrow filled eyes. In the days that followed she offered wan smiles or a cool demeanor depending on her mood. When Jack moved back in with her, and it became clear they were back together, he had to dodge the questioning glances of the rest of their team. Provenza was curious as hell, but all he'd give him was the simple, _She__'__s doing it for the kid_. That was true enough. He wanted to know more, but Andy had no answers for him.

Seeing her with him was hard enough. Andy didn't want to have to talk about it too.

Instead, he flipped a page in his notepad and skimmed his notes. "He said he was at a party, but of the three names he gave us for witnesses, only one of them claims he saw him. He can't pinpoint a time that he arrived or left, just that he's pretty sure Newsome was there." Flynn shrugged at her. "It's weak. We knew that it would be." He tilted his head and stared blandly back at her, for just a moment before his gaze returned to the murder board. "He did it."

"Well of course he did it," Provenza drawled. He cast a look at his partner, and then at the Captain. They weren't exactly on bad terms with each other, but a few months ago, she would have been leaning on the desk beside Flynn and they'd have both been rolling their eyes at him. That was before she started playing at happy families with her husband again. "What have I been saying from the beginning?"

Sharon looked heavenward and sighed. "Oh go ahead." He wouldn't be happy until the words were out of his mouth.

"It's always the husband," Provenza began. "It's _always_ the husband…"

"They weren't married anymore," Julio pointed out with a smirk. "I'm not sure it really applies here."

"They had only filed for divorce," Tao pointed out. "It wasn't legal yet."

"Like that means anything." Flynn muttered darkly. He shook his head and looked at his notes again. He hadn't meant to let it slip out. He heaved a sigh and pulled his long body away from the desk to stand. "So we get him to confess, or we get Hobbs down here with a deal?"

Sharon's lips pursed. She stared at the floor in front of her for just a moment. She supposed she could let him have that one. If he only knew… She straightened as well. "Call Hobbs," She instructed Provenza. "See if she'd like to make a deal. Either way, I think we have enough to charge him. In the meantime, I would like to—"

"Sharon." Rusty strode toward her, two bags on his shoulder and an unhappy Anna in his arms. He wore an aggrieved expression. "You're not answering your phone," he accused. The preschool had called him when Sharon didn't answer. He picked Anna up, but he didn't have time to babysit. Besides which, babysitting all the time wasn't part of the deal he made with Sharon when she decided to take this on. He didn't mind helping out, but he had his own life too, and school.

"Rusty, I'm sorry. It's in my office." She accepted the child that was practically thrust into her arms, and cast a frown at him. He was frustrated, she understood, at the inconvenience. They both were. She knew that he had just started to really like Jack again, and he was disappointed. "What is the—" She trailed off, realizing immediately once the little girl was in her arms. "I see." The child had run a fever the previous day, but it seemed to finally be gone early that morning, otherwise Sharon wouldn't have sent her to preschool. Apparently, it was back. Ear infections and mild germs were a factor of life in children this age, as Sharon remembered all too well from two decades before.

"I've got class," Rusty stated, before she could begin the process of asking him to take the child home until she got there. "Sorry." He passed her Anna's bag and shrugged. "I didn't know what you wanted me to do about it."

"No," she sighed. "It's fine." Very aware of the eyes on her, Sharon shifted the child in her arms and accepted the bag from him. "We've almost wrapped things up here. Go on to class, Rusty." Anna lay her head on her shoulder and Sharon wanted to stay frustrated, but found that she couldn't. It wasn't the child's fault that her father was an inconsiderate, irresponsible lout. "Go ahead and call Hobbs," She instructed Provenza. "Then bring Josh Newsome back up from booking and put him in Interview two. I'll be back…" She glanced down at the child in her arms. "Let's go see what we can find in the break room."

As she strode away, Rusty shoved his hands into his pockets. He felt a little guilty about it, but they were both juggling their schedules these days. Maybe he'd call Ricky tonight, see if he could come down for a few days. He'd sold his company, he wasn't really working much these days. Mostly he was contracting just to stay busy, at least until he left for Europe in the spring. Rusty didn't know how well that would go over, but he would ask.

"Her father couldn't pick her up?" Provenza rolled his eyes once the Captain was out of the room. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Hard to do when he's not around." Rusty snorted quietly. The teenager glanced at the older Lieutenant, and then at Flynn who was pretending to ignore the entire situation. He shrugged and adjusted the strap of his book bag. "He didn't exactly leave a forwarding address when he signed the divorce papers and moved out. He was never going to stick around. It's not really a big surprise." Rusty turned. "Anyway, tell Sharon I'll swing back by after my class. If she's still here, I can take Anna home then."

Provenza stood up from his desk, but then he sat back down again. It wasn't his place to get involved, but he wondered if Rusty realized he'd just let a cat out of its bag? He glanced around at the others and from the myriad expressions of confusion and surprise, he realized that he wasn't the only one who hadn't known that the divorce was back on and pretty much done. Without really wanting to, he cast a careful look at his partner. Flynn was scowling in the direction that Rusty had gone, and then slowly, his gaze moved down the hall, toward the break room. Then his partner looked at him and Provenza only shrugged. How the hell was he supposed to know? It wasn't as if she confided him in. That was Flynn's job. Or rather, it used to be.

Come to think of it, she didn't normally confide in a lot of people. The Captain liked to keep her personal life to herself. It was through his unusual and too cheerful presence around the office that they found out that Jack was back in town, and that the pair of them were _back together_. The Captain acted just as she had the last time he blew into town and decided to hang around, resigned to his presence but otherwise as though nothing was out of the ordinary. Except that it was, if the presence of the little dark haired daughter was anything to go on. Now he was gone again, and the daughter was still there.

Provenza was trying to drum up some sense of surprise at that, and found that he really couldn't. Some days it didn't pay to be as old as he was. Somehow, he had seen this one coming a mile away. He shook his head and reached for his phone. "Alright, you all heard the Captain. We still have a deal to make and a case to close. Let's get on it."

From the break room Sharon retrieved a juice bottle and then returned to the conference room attached to her office. She settled Anna there with her sippy cup and the few toys she had in her bag. There was a coloring book as well, and once provided with crayons, she knew the child would be occupied for a while. Sharon also stepped into her office and pulled out the small toddler bag she had taken to keeping on hand. Tylenol for the fever and something to occupy her, along with her favorite blanket.

There was a part of her that would have liked to resent that child, and Sharon was ashamed to admit it. She just couldn't. Of all of them, Anna was the innocent one. She didn't ask to be created or born, and she certainly didn't ask to lose her mother so soon and so tragically. Sharon realized she couldn't even blame Anna's mother in the end. Jack had finally confessed that the woman, Samantha, hadn't even known he was married until after she was pregnant. He had hurt more than one person over the years.

She just couldn't seem to fully connect with her either. She cared about her well enough, and she was fond of her, but it was so easy to bond with Rusty. With Anna… she could only seem to feel responsible for her. For that, she _was_ truly ashamed of herself. Sharon reminded herself often that this child was not a burden. After everything that she had been through, the girl deserved to be loved. Especially with a father that would prove to be nothing but a disappointment to her.

Long after her case was solved, the deal made and Josh Newsome remanded back into custody, Sharon found herself standing just inside the conference room and watching the child while she played quietly. Anna was accustomed to being left to her own devices. She could amuse herself easily. She had quite the imagination and it was interesting to watch. She had sent a text to Rusty, letting him know he needn't pick the child up after his class. He would be waiting for them at home instead.

Sharon had already sent the rest of her team on their way, they could wrap up their case files in the morning. She would be leaving herself, just as soon as she gathered Anna and her belongings. She found she wasn't in much of a rush, however. Here, it seemed she was more insulated. She could be detached and not feel so guilty for it. Once she had the child at home, the guilt would settle in and she would begin asking herself what kind of woman she was, what kind of _mother_ was she, that she could not feel more for this child than she did. She wanted to love her, but something was holding her back. What, she couldn't say. Sharon hadn't yet put those thoughts into anything resembling coherence. There hadn't yet been time for it. It needed to happen, though, and very soon. They could not continue to exist in the limbo that typically followed the wake of Jack's chaos.

A familiar presence at her back drew her attention and Sharon sighed quietly. Her eyes closed. They hadn't been alone together in quite some time, not like this. If they were forced into the elevator together, it was stilted, awkward. Maybe his partner was right, maybe it was a bad idea to have let him get so close. In the end, could she blame anyone but herself? She knew better, didn't she, than to let herself become personally involved with someone that she worked closely with. "_You love him_," She still heard Jack's voice in her head. Yes, it wasn't something that she could easily deny, although she had tried to at least ignore it. Sharon wanted to push it aside, to forget that she had allowed that emotion to blossom and grow.

More than anything, though, she missed her friend. Sharon drew a small breath and folded her arms against her chest. He stood close, the door at his back, and she could almost feel him. Heat radiated off his body. It made her back tingle. She drew her bottom lip between her teeth and concentrated on breathing, and not the betrayal that was the slight quickening of her own heartbeat.

"Jack's gone?" He didn't bother with any preamble. Andy decided they were well beyond that now. The time for pleasantries and small talk was long over. He wanted to be angry at her, and he decided that maybe he was a little. More than that, he was just tired. He supposed they both were. He hadn't bothered to ask many questions the last few months, but today after Rusty's visit, he did. Buzz seemed to be the best source of information for what went on inside the Raydor home, as even when he wasn't around, Rusty still spoke to him. He had known that Jack was gone, but not the details, and said it wasn't his place to discuss it. Andy supposed that was true. According to Buzz, Anna had also been sick lately. It was the usual run of childhood illnesses, brought on by a new environment and being thrust into a preschool where such germs could run rampant. Andy wondered if he'd realized Sharon was looking tired, and decided that he had, but he'd chosen to ignore it. He felt badly about that, but then he reminded himself that it wasn't his place to _feel_ anything where she was concerned. Not anymore.

"Hm." She hummed quietly. "Did we really think he'd stay long?" Sharon took a step forward and turned. She moved to lean against the conference table so that she could watch Anna and speak to Andy too. The distance also made it just a little easier for her to breathe. "Jack left earlier this month. The papers are signed and filed, and the divorce will be final in another thirty days." She shrugged. "I should take him to court, for the custody agreement, but…" It was so much hassle when really, she knew that Jack wouldn't come asking for his daughter back. Why would he? He hadn't with either of the other two. "She's been through enough," Sharon said instead. "Her mother is dead, her father is gone, and she's living with strangers." She smiled sadly and looked over at him. "Go ahead and say it. We knew this would happen at some point."

His brows drew together into a deep frown. Andy walked over and leaned against the low, wooden cabinet that stood against the wall. "I'd like to," he admitted. He just didn't have it in him to say _I told you so_. Not when he knew that she had done the right thing, the only thing that any responsible human being would do. "I guess it's just not going that great?" She seemed sad, and he didn't want to think that she was actually upset at Jack's leaving.

"I'm not sure that I know what that is in this situation," Sharon said honestly. Her gaze was drawn back to Anna who was now looking at the adults in the room. She had a pensive expression on her face. Here was another stranger to add to her life. She knew the team, in so much as she was around them. While he was always polite, Andy stayed away, and that was something that she could understand. Sharon smiled at her and pushed away from the table. She held out her arms. "Are we ready to go?"

Anna didn't say anything. At home she would talk a mile a minute, in front of others, she was usually pretty silent. She was opening up more and more as she got to know them all better. Lieutenant Provenza was especially her favorite. The child found something uniquely funny about his grumpy countenance. Anna stood and walked toward her, a drawing still clutched in one hand. Sharon stooped in front of the child and let her walk into the circle of her arms. "What is this?"

Andy watched her say all the right things. She exclaimed appropriately over the drawing and nodded at each word the little girl said in response. The smile didn't reach her eyes. His frown deepened. Andy straightened and moved around the room, gathering the scattered items while Sharon gathered the child. He stuffed them into the bag on the table and held it out for her when she lifted the girl into her arms. When their eyes met, he saw guilt in them before she schooled her features and smiled appreciatively at him. Andy found himself wondering who that guilt was directed at. With Rusty she had grown attached almost immediately. Was it just him and his own perception of the situation colored, or was he not sensing that here?

He sighed quietly. "Sharon…"

She missed hearing her name from him. She looked away and shifted the child in her arms. "I know," she said. "It is what it is." She glanced up at him and shook her hair back. Sharon drew a breath and then plastered a suitably pleasant smile on her face. "Good night, Lieutenant. Thank you." She pulled the bag onto her shoulder and stepped away from him.

Andy watched her go. She walked through the door that connected the conference room to her office and gathered the rest of her things. Then she was off, striding through the murder room. He could see her talking to the child in her arms as she went. He wished it didn't seem so forced. His hands found their way into his pockets and let himself wander back into the murder room.

She was holding back.

He sighed again and dropped into the chair behind his desk. "Hell."

In all of this, he supposed he'd forgotten a simple fact. She had gotten hurt too.

Andy leaned back in his chair and let himself slump into it. He could say he hadn't thought about it, but he had. He'd be lying to say anything else. He could ignore her, but he couldn't forget her. Especially not with her in front of him each and every day. He wanted, badly, to plant his fist in Jack's face every time the man appeared. Never had that feeling been stronger than it was at present.

Yes, they had known he would probably leave eventually. It was simply too much to ask that he would be changed, that he would do better with this child than he had with his others. He was the sort of father that wanted to be remembered for being fun, rather than necessarily being present.

Of course she was holding back. Andy swept a hand over his face and into his hair. Why wouldn't she? Her husband had an affair, produced a child, and then thrust that child into her arms before taking off to continue living his own life. What was Sharon left with? The embarrassment of adopting and raising the product of her husband's extramarital affair. There was a part of him that wanted her to be angry about it, but instead she was resigned. Andy realized it was foolish of him to want that. He had spent enough time being angry about it for both of them. Anger from Sharon would indicate she cared enough about Jack's activities to express the emotion. She didn't love him anymore, but his actions hurt her.

It had tossed her family into disarray. He had hurt her children, disappointed her, and asked her to put her life on hold for him, _again_. She had done it, because it wasn't in her to walk away. Not when faced with the alternative.

Jack would have wound up foisting the child off on Emily or Ricky; he would have guilted his children into pitching in. They'd have been in the same predicament Sharon was in now, raising a child not their own while Jack was living the life that he wanted to live.

Of course she had done it.

What had it gotten her? Really? She was able to adopt Rusty months ahead of her planned schedule, the divorce was delayed but in the end she had that too. She was raising this child, but her own children were as unaffected as she could keep them. She was doing it for them, in so much as she had done it for Jack or Anna, or even because it was the right thing to do.

Ricky had been home, only once, to meet the new sister. Emily hadn't bothered, but she usually only saw her mother at the holidays, so that wasn't too unusual. So what did Sharon have? She had Rusty. Jack was gone, and there was nothing in the way of an actual support system. Of course she was having a hard time connecting with the child. She hadn't even really tried yet, if he knew Sharon. She was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

He couldn't imagine that there were any left. The domino effect seemed to have run its course where Jack's latest chaos was concerned. And chaos it was. He tried to remember if she had even really taken any time off during the entire upheaval that was Jack's return to her life. Andy could only recall a long weekend that she had taken to move, and then she ended up working part of that too. Otherwise, she was present and accounted for, if a bit tardy occasionally, which was to be expected with a small child in her household.

Andy groaned quietly and let his gaze move toward the ceiling. "I'm an ass," he muttered.

"Yes, we knew that." Provenza strode through the room and stopped at his desk. He cast a smirk at his partner and lifted his jacket off the back of his chair. He tossed it over his arm and began rolling down his shirt sleeves. "What have you done this time?"

He sighed. Did he really want to get into this with his partner? Andy sat forward in his seat and rolled his shoulders. "You don't want to know."

Provenza snorted. "Buddy, you might be decent at investigating homicides, but you're a lousy boyfriend." He shook his head and after fastening the cuff of one sleeve, he started on the other. "That one took you long enough to figure out. You are dense." The Lieutenant smoothed his sleeve out and cast a sideways look at his partner. "I guess it never occurred to you to offer to help her out if she wanted to get the divorce _and_ take care of the kid?" At the scowl that was directed his way, Provenza decided that was a definite _no_. "Idiot."

Andy scrubbed a hand over his face. "I know." He glanced over and found he was still the recipient of a dark, penetrating gaze. "I _know_! While we're on the subject, since you're so damned smart, why didn't you point out my stupidity before now?"

"Oh no." Provenza shook his jacket out and them slipped into it. "Not my problem and not my business." He pointed a finger at his partner then. "I told you it was a bad idea. I told you to stay away from her. Now you know why."

He rolled his eyes. Yes, that was just so wonderfully helpful. Andy's teeth ground together. "What do I do now?"

"Grovel." Provenza leaned over his desk and made sure that everything was in its place, exactly where he wanted it. When he straightened, he fixed his partner with a look. "Now you grovel. You beg. You kiss ass, and you don't stop kissing ass until you fix it."

"She took him back," Andy pointed out, just for the sake of argument.

"You didn't bother to give her a reason not to, did you?" His partner shrugged. "That's why you're the idiot."

His dark eyes flashed, and then they narrowed. Andy stood up. His hands found his hips. "Says the guy that's been divorced… how many times?"

"Enough to prove that I know the first thing about being an idiot. It's called how to lose a woman in one wrong move. Congratulations, moron, you did it." Provenza sighed and he shook his head. "I get it, faced with the idea that she was getting back with the Jackass you did what you thought was right, you let her go. Being noble isn't smart. It's stupid. No one wins. Yeah, yeah, she did it for the kid." He waved a hand, dismissing that. "We both know that useless piece of dirt would have handed over the kid without a second glance, taken the divorce, and run with it. Like you said." He shrugged. "You're an ass. Still better than the other guy, but an ass." He clapped his hands together and turned. "Now, you can fix it, or you can shut up about it. Either way, I don't want to hear it, I don't want to know about it, and by god, whatever you do, don't make me have to _see_ it!"

Left alone in the Murder Room, Andy let his head hang. He had just been lectured on proper boyfriend behavior by the serial divorcee. Yes. He supposed they were both right. He was an ass.

How the hell was he supposed to fix it?

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

When she got home, Sharon managed to juggle her purse, her keys, Anna and the girl's bag as she let them into the apartment. When they stepped inside, she dropped the keys and purse on the table near the entrance and pushed the door closed with her hip. "Rusty?"

"Kitchen!" He poked his head around the corner. "Hey. I was just trying to figure out what we wanted for dinner."

"Why don't you order something," she suggested. Sharon dropped Anna's bag in an arm chair and moved down the hall with the child. Unlike her former condo, this one was more spacious. The kitchen wasn't much larger, and positioned in a corner of the main room with a breakfast bar positioned diagonally to separate it from the main sitting room. In front of the outward swinging balcony doors, the dining table was positioned. Jack had, at least, Anna proofed the balcony before he left. There was a latch that was kept locked, much too high for Anna to reach, even with the assistance of standing on a chair.

Of the three bedrooms, Rusty had chosen the one nearest the living room. Anna was in the room across the hall from her own. There was a bathroom between the two, while Sharon had the advantage of an in-suite bath. She carried the child into the room that was painted in pale hues of lavender and lilac. The furniture was white, solid pieces that made up a toy chest, dresser and bed. Sharon had gotten the idea from Emily's childhood room, although it had been pink and white and the furniture wicker. She sat the child on the bed and moved around the room, pulling out pajamas for the night.

"Dinner first," Sharon announced. "Then bath time." She lay the pajamas on the end of the bed and then walked across the hall. Anna followed, but she had known that the child would. While Sharon removed her badge and gun and placed the latter in the lockbox, Anna climbed up onto her bed to watch. Sharon glanced at her in the mirror and managed a smile. She could almost pretend that it was Emily. How many times had the two of them done this very thing? Even now, as an adult, Emily would drape across her bed as she went through her morning or evening routine.

Sharon chewed on the inside of her bottom lip when it trembled. She missed those days, and she missed her daughter, but she couldn't treat Anna as a stand-in. It wouldn't be fair. Sharon sighed as she put the lockbox in the top of her closet and pulled out a pair of yoga pants and her favorite sweater. She changed quickly and ran a brush through her hair before she pinned it back. When she turned away from her dresser, Anna scrambled off the bed to join her at the door.

"Come on." She lifted the girl into her arms and carried her down the hall to the bathroom that Anna shared with Rusty. Sharon sat her on the vanity and reached into the cabinet for the thermometer. The child didn't feel as warm as she had when Rusty dropped her off, but she did feel a bit feverish. Sharon checked her temp and found it elevated, barely a full degree. She checked her watch and decided they could wait an hour and check it again before administering another dose of medication.

Anna watched her with wide eyes. When Sharon put the thermometer away she held out her arms to be lifted again. "Can I play?"

"Until dinner." Sharon lifted her off the vanity and set her on her feet. "Go on." She followed her from the room and down the hall. Anna trotted out to the small toy chest that was kept in the corner of the living room. From within she found a trio of dolls and set about building her imaginary world. She found Rusty standing at the breakfast bar, sorting through a stack of menus. "Still haven't decided?"

"I'm leaning toward pizza." He glanced up at her and grinned. "That way you can have a salad. The allure of the burger is strong. Anna can get nuggets, but there's no salad in it for you. I considered Chinese, but that didn't go over so well the last time."

"It wasn't the food that was the problem," Sharon chuckled at the memory. "It was you expecting a three-year-old to be able to eat with chopsticks."

"She's gotta learn!" Rusty smirked. He glanced into the living room. "Hey, Anna, you want Chinese noodles?"

"Chop-chop," she called back.

"Let's not." Sharon shook her head as she imagined the mess that would follow. She pushed away from the bar at the knock on the door. "Let's go with the pizza. Or the burgers. Just pick one. I don't think it really matters which at this point."

"Burgers it is." Rusty grinned triumphantly. He glanced into the living room. "That's how it's done, Anna. Remember that."

Sharon rolled her eyes at him as she walked to the door. "Yes, I'm so gullible. I let you play me," She deadpanned. "Perhaps I'm just too hungry to mind having a little junk food." She pointed at Anna and reached for the door with her other hand. "Don't listen to him." She smiled at the childish giggle, how could she not? She was an adorable child, the hangup between them was all her own, Sharon knew.

The smile faltered, however, when she pulled the door open. "Andy." Sharon blinked away her confusion and straightened, while pulling her sweater more tightly around herself. "Lieutenant, what can I do for you?"

Yeah, Andy sighed mentally. He supposed he deserved that. He held up a bag and let it dangle from two fingers. "I thought maybe with the kid not feeling so great, you wouldn't feel like cooking."

Sharon's gaze was drawn to the bag. It was from their favorite Italian restaurant. She hadn't been since the last time she was there with Andy. "I…" She cleared her throat at the sudden lump that had formed. "Thank you. We were just about to order something." Sharon took the bag from him with a small smile, but her brows drew together in confusion when he stepped back. "Do you…" She gestured back into the apartment and stepped aside, the invitation clear.

"No." He shoved his hands into his pockets and shrugged. "Maybe another time."

She glanced over her shoulder at the children before she stepped into the hall with him. "Andy, what is this?" She drew her lip between her teeth. "What are you doing?" Sharon missed her friend, and her heart ached, but she didn't want his pity.

He shrugged at her. "Groveling." Andy backed away from her, the corner of his mouth curved into something that was almost a crooked grin. "Turns out, I'm an idiot. And an ass. Possibly a jerk."

She shook her head at him. "I don't understand." Sharon tilted her head at him. "Maybe you could help me out here? What did you do?"

"Nothing," he said simply. "That's the problem." His lips pursed for a moment and he glanced at the floor. "My friend needed a hand, and I was too busy thinking about what I wasn't getting out of it to be there for her. So yeah, I think the word _ass_ applies."

Her gaze dropped for a moment. She studied the bag in her hands and drew a thin breath. "_Andy_." When she looked up at him again, her eyes were bright, moist with emotion. She had missed _him_. She rubbed her lips together for a moment and then she shrugged. "Did it occur to you that maybe what your friend needed was the opportunity to figure everything out on her own?" Sharon found herself fidgeting with the bag. "Maybe you only did what she thought she wanted you to do."

"Maybe," He agreed. "Doesn't make it right." He nodded his head toward the bag. "There's the salad you like, and the shrimp linguine. Lasagna for the kid, and I figured you couldn't go wrong with spaghetti for the little one."

"Sketti?" The little voice came from behind Sharon. Anna was peaking out through the door and around Sharon's leg. "Mmm!"

Sharon glanced down in surprise and chuckled quietly. "Better than nuggets or Chinese noodles?"

"Oh yes!" Her blue eyes lit up. "I like!"

"Well, then I think we have a winner." Sharon hadn't known that about the child, but supposed it was a given. Most children liked spaghetti in one form or another. "What do we say?" She reached out and pushed the door back slightly so that Anna could edge out beside her.

"Thank you."

When she wrapped her arms around Sharon's leg and leaned into her hip, Andy grinned. "You're welcome."

Sharon lay a hand against the child's head. "Are you sure you don't want to come inside?"

"Next time?" There was a touch of hope in the way his brows lifted. "You know, maybe."

"We'll see." The smile had warmed, however. "Good night, Andy."

"Night Sharon." He sketched a wave and turned. He made his way down the hall, and around the corner. This one was farther from the elevators than her previous condo had been, in the old building. He grinned when he heard the small, childlike, "bye" that followed him.

Sharon looked down again to see Anna smiling up at her. "What do you think? Dinner?" She held up the bag.

"Yes!" Anna turned and ran back into the apartment. "Rusty! No burgers! Sketti!"

She followed at a much more sedate pace and pushed the door closed behind her. She found Rusty watching her carefully from near the kitchen. "Flynn was here?" His brows drew together and he looked curiously at the bag she carried.

"Lieutenant Flynn," she answered and walked into the kitchen with it. She glanced over and found Anna trying to climb into her high chair. "Oh Rusty, get her before she falls, please." Sharon found herself smiling at the child's enthusiasm. She made a mental note to put spaghetti on the list of foods that Anna would eat without argument.

Rusty lifted Anna and then placed her in the seat before pushing it closer to the table. "What did he want?"

Sharon sighed. "Anna wasn't feeling well, and he didn't think I'd feel like cooking. He dropped off dinner. He was… just being a friend." She glanced over. "Okay."

She didn't want to talk about it. Rusty shrugged. "Yeah, okay." He walked into the kitchen to pull down plates. "Adult relationships are kind of dumb. Remind me to steer really clear of them. Like, _really_."

"Noted." She rolled her eyes at him. Sharon fixed a plate for Anna first and carried it to the table before returning for her own. "Although, I feel it necessary to point out, that specific adult relationships are none—"

"Of my business. Yeah, I know." Rusty shook his head where he stood at the counter beside her. He nudged her shoulder with his. "Sharon, you gotta admit…"

"They are pretty dumb sometimes." A smile tugged at her lips again. "Rusty, relationships make us who we are. Some of them are good and others are not. Sometimes things get pretty muddled. You can't avoid them, and you really shouldn't. We all need people in our lives that we can count on. Sometimes they'll hurt us and sometimes we'll hurt them. It's how we resolve it that matters."

He thought about that for a moment. "So then… dropping off dinner and then not staying is…"

"An acceptable start." She lifted her plate and carried it to the table. "For both of us."

Rusty smirked as he poured two glasses of water while Sharon retrieved a spill proof cup for Anna. "_Weirdos,__"_ he mouthed.

Sharon saw it, but chose to ignore it. Instead, she sat down beside Anna and reached out to help the child not make a complete mess of herself. One day, probably much too soon for her liking, Rusty would begin to understand just how _weird_ and complicated adult relationships could be. Until then, she would gladly accept his blissful lack of understanding on the subject.

While they ate dinner and Anna showed an enthusiasm that was rare, Sharon realized just how little she knew about the child. The last four months had been a chaotic jumble of moving and juggling schedules, of finding a routine and settling into some sort of life that might be normal. With her own children there had been time, years, with which to learn them. Then with Rusty, he was old enough to make his likes and dislikes more than known. Anna was barely more than a toddler, and there was no one there to guide them.

Sharon began to wonder if that was the issue. She just didn't know the child, and there hadn't been time to learn. Her lips pursed while she pondered it. With Rusty, she couldn't take time off work to get him settled. She was only just settling into her new job with Major Crimes. Still, he was old enough to not need her every second, despite that emergency care situation they started out with.

Slowly an idea began to form. For once, Sharon decided it was okay to be a little selfish. She had vacation days a plenty banked. Maybe it was time to take them.

Later, after dinner was consumed and the dishes cleaned, Sharon sat with Anna on the child's bed. Bath time was completed with little fuss and she drew a brush slowly through the little girl's curling, brown hair. It was lighter than hers, lighter than Emily's, and with none of the red tones. She couldn't pinpoint if it had come from Jack or perhaps the child's mother. There was a box of belongings in storage, placed there during the move. Sharon made a mental note to retrieve it for Anna. There were pictures among those things that Jack had retrieved from Samantha's apartment for the child. She should have them, Sharon thought.

As if reading her mind, Anna glanced back at her. "Where's momma?"

It was a question she asked, from time to time. Less frequently now, but still it remained. Her young mind still couldn't quite comprehend such things as accidents and death. Sharon drew the brush through a loose, soft curl. "We talked about that, remember?" She said gently. "Momma went to be with the angels."

Her little nose wrinkled. She accepted the answer, even if she could only vaguely understand its meaning. "Daddy?"

That was an answer that was much easier to come by. Sharon smiled gently at her. It was a practiced response. One she could deliver without much thought. "Daddy had to go away for a while, but I'm sure he's thinking about you." How often had she told her own children the same thing when they were not much older than Anna was now?

A line appeared between Anna's brows. She tilted her head at Sharon while she considered that response. "Anna go away too?"

That was another thing the child asked occasionally. She drew a lock of hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear. Sharon's finger stroked the curve of one small cheek. "No," she said quietly. "Anna isn't going away too. You are staying right here."

"With you." Anna worked that through her mind. Then she asked something entirely new. "You're my momma now?"

She supposed that it shouldn't surprise her, after raising two children of her own, that children could come up with the most likely conclusions about their circumstances. The disconnect between them, she thought, Anna must feel it too. Of course she did, children were very intuitive. Rather than answer immediately, she placed the hairbrush aside and leaned closer to her, so that their faces were on the same level. "Yes, Anna. That's exactly right. Do you think that would be okay?"

She glanced away for a moment, and then Anna shrugged. "I'm not leaving?" When Sharon shook her head, she smiled. "Okay."

"Good. I tell you what, we'll find a picture of your first momma and we'll put it on the shelf. Would you like that?"

Anna's head bobbed enthusiastically. Her eyes lit up and she smiled widely. "The pretty one!"

Sharon had no idea what the _pretty one_ meant, but she would pull the box out of storage and let Anna choose the photo she wanted for her room. "Alright then," She reached beyond her and pulled back the lavender blankets. "In you go." She tucked her in and they went through the routine of choosing a book for the night. Anna always chose the fairytales where the princess got her happily ever after. It was really too bad, she thought, that the fairytales never prepared them for the fact that happily ever after didn't always happen the way they hoped it would. Mommies went to heaven, Daddies went away, and picket fences could fall down before you knew they were even leaning the wrong way.

Anna fell sleep before she even finished reading the story, but she always did. Sharon eased away from her and moved quietly around the room. Stuffed animals and dolls were returned to the toy box and then she placed the day's laundry in the hamper near the door. Afterward, she dimmed the lights and made sure the sparkling night light was on and turning slowly. It cast images of stars against the ceiling and illuminated the room just enough that she wouldn't be quite so frightened when she woke.

Only then did she move silently out of the room and down the hall. Already Rusty had retreated to his room. Sharon made sure the door was locked and the lights were off before she finally made her way into her own room. Her door and Anna's were both left cracked. The child didn't wake quite as often as she used to, but she had been ill and Sharon wanted to be sure that she heard her.

Once inside, she was able to let her shoulders slump and release the breath she hadn't realized she was holding. After changing for bed, Sharon checked her phone before plugging it into the charger. There was only a single message waiting, a text. Her finger swept the screen and given the state of things lately, she was surprised to see that it was from Andy. Even after his visit earlier.

_It__'__s okay to love her_. _It doesn__'__t have to be about Jack_.

Sharon drew her knees to her chest while she thought about that. Was Jack the issue? He had what he wanted, he wasn't coming back for Anna. She didn't have to worry that he would take the child from her. No, that wasn't it.

She leaned her head back against the headboard and closed her eyes. Jack had come at her through her children. He tried to use Rusty against her, and he leaked the idea of the adoption before she was ready for him to know about it. Then he played on Ricky's concerns as a means of further disrupting the idea. He was, without a doubt, the most unreliable person on the planet. Which he proved by leaving his child with her and running off to heaven only knew where this time. She supposed he would try to cite some noble reason about wanting to correct the disruption he'd caused in her life. It didn't change the fact that she was so deeply disappointed in him.

Sharon's eyes opened. She stared at the phone in her hand and shook her head. "How do you always know?" She tugged her bottom lip between her teeth. Of course. Even now, Andy could read her so well. Better, she thought, than she could read herself. Or perhaps she was avoiding the obvious.

In loving Anna, she was afraid she was giving something else of herself to Jack for him to hurt. He was gone now. The divorce was all but final. There was little else that he could do. Or _would_ do at this point.

Sharon considered her phone again and smiled as she sent her response.

_No, it doesn__'__t. Jack is gone. I know I__'__ve got the best part of him. I__'__m just a little slow on the uptake this time. Maybe idiots love company. _

The response was a few minutes in coming, but it arrived as Sharon was laying down on her side. She tilted her phone up and laughed as she read it.

_Don__'__t tell Provenza. There__'__ll be no living with him!_

She shook her head and lay back again. Of that, he was absolutely correct. The secret would be safe with her. She let her eyes close and realized that she felt much lighter about it all.

For better or worse, those had been Jack's words. The worst part of Jack was Jack himself. She had the better deal, maybe it was time to start living as though she knew that.


	6. Chapter 6

Better or Worse

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it.

* * *

><p>"You should have come to me before."<p>

The first task on Sharon's agenda once she put in for her vacation time, was to schedule an afternoon of shopping. That meant an afternoon with Gavin. It really had been too long. They hardly saw each other since she transferred to Major Crimes and Rusty came into her life. They were both busy, but the last two years had proved inordinately busy. Now with everything that happened with Jack, it had been since just before his return that they had actually spoken.

Gavin cast a disapproving look at her as they sat at an outdoor cafe. "What were you thinking?"

Sharon started laughing. "You have no idea how many times I've asked myself that question."

"Oh my god," he flopped back in his seat. "You are impossible, you know that don't you? Why? _Why_ do you get me into these messes?"

On the other side of Sharon, where she sat quietly coloring, Anna giggled at him. "Hm." Sharon's head tilted. "He is kind of funny, isn't he?"

Gavin made a face at her. "I suppose it doesn't matter. I know how it would have gone. _I__'__m thinking of doing something really stupid, Gavin,__" _he began, mocking her in a high-pitched tone. "What? You? Of course not. I don't believe it for a second. _Oh yes, I__'__m going to be completely insane. I__'__m going to make a choice that__'__s going to leave me spending the next fifteen years of my life doing laundry and setting curfews when I could be making hot sexy goo-eyes at passionate, good looking Lieutenants and shopping in Milan!__" _Gavin threw his hands in the air. "My god, how do I even know you."

"Shh!" Sharon shook her head at him. "Gavin." She cast a look at the child beside her and chastised him gently. "There are little ears at the table."

"Yes, of course there are." He looked heavenward. "I think you're a serial parent, Sharon." When he looked at her again, he leaned forward, despite the fact that she was rolling her eyes at him. "No, hear me out. You need a full a nest. That's the only explanation that I can think of. My god woman, you were _this_ close."

"Gavin, I've had the empty nest." She leaned forward and lifted her coffee. When she sat back, she held it cradled in both hands. "I actually enjoyed it. I don't_ need_ a full nest, but apparently those in it need _me_. What am I going to do?"

"I can't believe I even know you." Gavin shook his head at her. "What even are you. You're not human."

"Oh, believe me, I am." Sharon snorted at him. "I'd rather be making, what was it? Hot sexy goo-eyes at—"

"Passionate, good looking Lieutenants," Gavin smirked at her. "Of course you would. Have you looked at him lately. Honey please." His lips pursed. "Since you've decided you don't want him, can I have a go?"

She snorted a laugh. Sharon's body shook with it. "Oh, I'm pretty sure you aren't his type, darling."

"Yes, I know." Gavin gave an exaggerated sigh. "Pity really, but not too much of one. I wouldn't want him now anyway. He's got Sharon-cooties."

She shook her head at him. "I do love you, you know that don't you?" Sharon lifted her cup to her lips. "As to that, no, he doesn't. I was waiting for the divorce, which didn't happen, and then it did, and now…" She waved a hand through the air and shrugged. Sharon hummed quietly and settled back in her chair once more, then cast a look at Anna to check on her.

"Oh my god. I really don't know you." He stared at her. "Okay, this is what we're going to do." Gavin leaned forward. "You're going to buy something not… _mommish_ to wear, then we're going to get you a sitter, and you my darling are going to go over there and rip his—"

"_Gavin!__"_ Sharon's eyes widened. She cast a pointed look at Anna again. Her cheeks flushed a deep shade of pink. "Would you stop?" She drew a breath and let it out slowly. "It's much too late for that now anyway. I'm starting to think that maybe we had our chance and it's… moved on. Besides, I really need to be focusing on Anna now. That's what all of this is about. Remember?" Sharon leaned forward and rested her arms against the surface of the table. "It's why I did all of this. I can't be thinking about what might or might not have happened otherwise. We've hardly even spoken since all this started. But enough about that." Sharon glanced at Anna again and smiled. "I discovered something about this one that puts the other three to shame."

He wasn't quite so willing to let it go. Gavin's eyes narrowed while he studied her. She was going to be stubborn on the subject. If he pushed, she would clam up and that would be the end of it. He decided to bide his time instead. They would broach it again. Or he could let it happen as it would. Gavin's lips pursed and his head tilted. Alright, he would let Sharon win this round. He'd give her time to get her house back in order, and then all bets were off. "Do tell," he said instead, and cast a look at the little cherub.

"She likes to dress up." Sharon rested her chin in her hand. "Emily was only interested in dancing, and both of the boys are… well, boys. At least they know how to color coordinate their hoodies. I found Anna in my closet the other day. She had quite the field day with my shoes and a certain blue, Donna Karan."

"Really?" Gavin looked suitably impressed. "That is a change. We couldn't drag the others shopping, not until Emily turned sixteen and then it was all about teen trends and leotards." His lips pursed. He studied the child. "Anna," he drew her attention and leaned down, giving her a serious look. "Can you say Armani?"

She blinked at him. She glanced at Sharon before she turned her gaze back to the strange, funny man with the cute glasses. "Armani?"

"Okay," Gavin decided. "You can keep her."

"Oh thank you." Sharon laughed again. "I cannot tell you how much your approval means to me at this very moment." Her lips pursed. "So, are you going to pout all day, or are you coming with us?"

"She's a little young for Beverly Hills isn't she?" Gavin asked, a little skeptical.

"You're never too young for Beverly Hills." Sharon smirked at him. "Or… _old_ as the case may be."

"Yes of course." His fingers bounced lightly off his head in an imitation of having smacked it. "What was I thinking. Why are we still sitting here then?"

Sharon's lips pursed. "Exactly my point."

"Well, at least you're still making _some_ sense." Gavin waved a hand in the direction of the waitress to gain her attention. "We'll work on the rest later."

Sharon rolled her eyes at him. She cast a look at Anna and made a face that had the child laughing. While Gavin settled the check, she and Anna gathered the girl's coloring book and doll and returned it to her bag. Afterward, they left the cafe on foot. They weren't far from the shopping district, and for early December, it was a fairly mild day.

Gavin cast a sideways look at Sharon when she lifted Anna onto her hip. "Shouldn't she be in one of those… rolling things?" He cast a skeptical look at her and waved a hand in the general direction of the sidewalk in front of them.

"You mean a stroller?" Sharon managed to suppress a smile. "Gavin, do you really want to be seen walking through Beverly Hills with a stroller?"

"You make another very good point," he said. When she snorted a laugh, Gavin scowled at her. "Don't mock me, darling."

"You're absolutely right. That's so terrible of me." Sharon giggled again. She curled an arm through his and leaned into his side. "This is much better."

"Oh god." Gavin sighed and rolled his eyes. "The things that I do for you." When she only laughed at him again, Gavin shook his head and affected an aggrieved expression. "Only because I love you."

"Yes, I know." They walked arm in arm for only a block before Sharon drew away to shift Anna on her hip again. "We're not going to Park City this year, did I tell you? Emily and Ricky are coming here." Originally it had been so that she and Jack could finish working out the specifics in the change to their marriage. Now she was just drawing her children around her and wanted a more quiet holiday affair.

"You haven't been to Park City since you made that dreadful job change," Gavin pointed out. At the look she shot at him, he shook his head. "Yes I know, you always wanted to get back into the thick of things, but really… Sharon. Those people. They're so mean to you."

"They weren't supposed to like me, Gavin." She smiled warmly at him. She really did adore him. "Things are much better now, I promise. They can't be mean to me, I sign their time sheets."

"It's all about the small favors, I suppose." At the end of the block, as they made the turn to take them down the next street, he reached over and plucked Anna out of her arms. "Do not stain me and we will be fine," he told the child.

"I wouldn't stain." Anna ducked her head and then gazed up at him through her lashes. She fluttered them at him before smiling, just a bit too sweetly. She reached out and gingerly poked at the broach pinned to the lapel of his jacket. "That's pretty."

Gavin groaned. "My god. She's like a little mini-you. Are you sure you haven't been naughty in ways that you're refusing to tell me? I promise not to judge. You were married to the man after all…"

She shot a bland look at him. "Don't be crude." Sharon shook her head. "He would be so lucky. She's been with me for a few months now, Gavin. Children project what is in their environment."

"I don't know that I believe you." Gavin turned his attention back on Anna. "I'm going to tell you a story. It's about the first time I met your—uh—Sharon. You see, it was pouring down rain. I was on my way out of the office, this was before I had my lovely, high rise corner office downtown. No, no, back then I was just another of the lowly, poorly paid city employees upon whom the Police hated to rely to get them out of trouble. I digress…" He studiously ignored the way Sharon was rolling her eyes at him. "In any event, I was on my way out, and here comes this one all in a rush to get out of the rain and she barreled right over me. Knocked me down." Gavin made a face, pouting at her until Anna giggled. "Well I dropped my umbrella, I dropped my files, and there I was in the rain getting drenched with a drown rat bending over me."

"It was one file," Sharon pointed out, "and you ran into me." She stuffed her hands into her pockets as they strolled, but she had to smile at the memory.

"My story," Gavin told her. "Tell your stories how you want to." He turned his gaze back to Anna. "Then she tries to help me up and falls down on top of me. So now I'm injured and I'm drenched."

"He slipped," Sharon said, "and pulled me down with him. Gavin, really…" She smirked at him. "It wasn't nearly as bad as you're making it sound."

"It was horrible." He waved his free hand at her. "Now stop interrupting me. Where was I?" He asked of Anna.

The little girl looked between them. Finally she settled her wide-eyed, sparkling gaze on Gavin. "You slipped and she fell on top of you."

"Close enough," Gavin decided. "We finally both manage to get on our feet, only by now my _files_," he emphasized the plurality of it, "are completely ruined. As is my suit. The entire time, the only thing that I can think of is why is this odd woman standing there in the rain, without an umbrella? And my god, where did she get those horrible shoes. Then before I can even so much as think of complaining, she starts to cry…"

"I was laughing," Sharon interjected, while shaking her head. She continued to smile as they walked.

"Crying," Gavin stated. "Well of course I felt bad for her. So we went back inside, had a nice cup of tea—"

"It was the worst coffee I'd ever had in my life, I think it was at least a day old and scorched on top of it," she drawled with a smirk.

"…While I asked her to tell me what she was so upset about, and who was she looking for at that hour of the evening. Most of the attorneys had already gone home!" Gavin carried on and pretended that Sharon hadn't spoken at all.

"He was whining about the ruined file, the wet clothes, and that he was going to be late getting home to watch Melrose Place," Sharon corrected.

Gavin gasped at her. "I never." At her pointed look he sighed. "Well, maybe once or twice." He turned his attention back to Anna and stopped. "You're not understanding a word of this, are you?"

She was giggling at the pair of them. "You're funny," she decided.

"Well, I'll take it." Gavin shrugged. "So perhaps that story is best saved for Rusty. We'll just leave out the part about my unfortunate television habits of the 90s."

"Oh." Sharon cast a look at him, eyes wide. "Sorry." She blinked, then smiled sweetly. "I already told him that one." Her lashes fluttered, but she didn't look the least bit contrite when she added, "along with the part about the unfortunate actor obsession." She wriggled her fingers at him. "Oh it's fine, he thought its was cute."

"You call yourself my friend," he deadpanned.

"After you told him about the tequila shots in Monterrey it was only fair," She pointed out. "I told you that I'd get even, Gavin. Never doubt me."

"You really are quite wicked." Gavin sighed, but he smiled. "I do love that about you."

"Yes, I know." She stopped in front of the first boutique that was one of the shops they usually frequented and pulled the door open for him.

"You see, Anna," Gavin stated as he walked into the store. "Once upon a time, on a party yacht some miles north of here, there was a wicked, evil—"

"Gavin, don't even think about it." Sharon gave his shoulder a not so light nudge and raised her brows at him. "It was bad enough when you told Ricky and Emily, worse when you told Rusty. Let's not repeat past mistakes."

"At least not for another fifteen years or so," he decided with a smirk. "Don't worry, we'll talk later," He told the little girl.

Sharon sighed. His natural flare and enthusiasm for life were one of the things that she loved most about Gavin. Except when it was directed at her. She supposed she would need to distract him to find a way to curb his enthusiasm.

The remainder of the shopping trip passed in much the same way that it began. Gavin teased, and he gossiped, and in between he listened to the things that she found difficult to put voice to with anyone else. He also listened to what she wasn't saying and provided insight and advice, whether she wanted it or not. That was a two way street, of course, and Sharon did much the same for him as they got caught up on everything they had missed out on the last few months.

All the while they shopped, primarily for Anna, but for themselves as well. Gavin talked her into a vibrant blue, wrap dress that she was sure that she would never to work, but they both liked the way the material fell in soft folds to dance around her knees.

They sat down at their favorite bistro for lunch, and afterward, Sharon took Anna and headed back to Los Feliz. On the way, they made only one more stop. It had simply been too long since she was able to enjoy a leisurely afternoon, and so Sharon stopped at her favorite nail salon. Anna was mesmerized by the manicure, and so they both got one.

Sharon managed, only narrowly, to talk Anna out of the purple nail polish that she picked. Instead, they settled on a pale, hardly there lavender. Girls would be girls, she supposed. With Emily it was all shades of pink. Her daughter had enjoyed every shade, from pale carnation to deep fuscia. She indulged it, this color obsession of Anna's, just as she had with Emily, and began to feel a little better about their situation. Anna was reveling in the attention, so it was more than worth it. Even when Rusty often exclaimed that Anna's room looked as though a Barney toy had exploded in it.

Once they were back at the condo, Sharon pulled the boxes that Jack left behind out of storage. She found the one that had come to them with Anna, and sat down with the child as they sorted through it. Anything of importance, such as Anna's birth certificate and medical records, Sharon already had. What remained were a few mementos, scrap books, photos, and the like.

Samantha Novak was a beautiful woman. The blue eyes, Sharon learned, had definitely come from Jack. The woman was younger, obviously, but she hadn't realized how much younger she must be. The face that smiled back at them from several photos was easily in her early thirties, young and brunette, with deep brown eyes. She would like to say that she couldn't imagine what she must have seen in Jack, but Sharon knew all too well just how charming he could be. He would have made her believe that anything was possible, that no one else could love her more. Sharon smiled a bit sadly, she could be angry and resentful of a woman she had never even met, but she knew how the story ended, and all she could feel was sympathy for what she must have gone through at Jack's leaving. He had always been so very good at the leaving.

"Pretty." Anna sighed, sounding just a bit wistful as she pulled a framed photograph out of the box and held it. The wind was blowing through Samantha's long hair, the camera had caught her mid laugh, and her eyes were alight with it. Behind her was the burning scarlet of a desert sunset. She held it out for Sharon and sat back on the sofa. She managed to tuck herself against the woman's side as she did. "That one."

"This one?" Sharon held the photo in one hand and stroked the other over Anna's hair. Her fingers combed through the loose, soft curls that bounced around her shoulders. "She was very pretty," she said quietly, in deference to the shift in Anna's mood. "Do you want to keep looking?"

"No." She lay her head against Sharon's chest and reached out to touch her fingers to the photo's smooth, glass surface. "I like this one."

"I like it too." Sharon let her cheek rest against the top of the child's head. "Why don't we go find a place to put it in your room. Then you can help me make dinner. Would you like that?'

"Okay!" Anna pulled away and scrambled off the sofa and to her feet. She trotted down the hall toward her room.

Sharon chuckled quietly and reached over to begin placing the rest of the items they'd looked through back in the box. As she did, she opened one of the scrap books, just to see if it was something that Anna might like to have sooner rather than later. Her breath caught at the photo that greeted her, near the front of the book. Jack stood with Samantha, an arm around her. They were both smiling, and he looked more carefree than Sharon had seen him in a very long time.

Her smile melted away and she quickly closed the book and dropped it into the box. She placed the lid back on it and tucked the box beneath the coffee table. She would place it back in the storage closet in the utility room later. Why it should bother her to see Jack happy with someone else, she couldn't say. She was _long_ over all of the disappointments and hurt that he had caused her. She could point out that it wasn't fair, but if life were fair a lot of things would be different for a good deal of people.

Sharon shook her head as she made her way down the hall. Anna was already hard at work moving the stuffed animals that adorned the bookshelf beside her bed. When Sharon joined her, she glanced over, eyes shining. "Right here!" She bounced in place, which had her dropping a small stuffed bear, which rolled across the floor.

"Okay, okay," she chuckled again, Jack forgotten for the moment. They were just so full of energy at this age. Sharon had forgotten what that was like. She placed the photo on the shelf and then turned it slightly, so that it was easily visible from the bed. "There you go," she stated, and stood back. Her lips twitched, threatened to curve toward a smile.

Anna rolled her eyes toward her. She dropped the stuffed animals in her arms and stepped forward to rearrange the frame. She straightened it out and then stepped back to nod. "There!"

Her lips pressed into a thin line. Sharon arched a brow at her. "But wouldn't you like to see it from the bed?"

"Hmm." Anna's lips pursed. "I like it straight. It's better." She bent and began picking up the stuffed toys, one at a time, and carrying them to her toy box.

Sharon pressed her fingers against her lips, but giggled quietly anyway. The child did have specific ideas about how she wanted things arranged. She would like to take credit for it, but it seemed that Jack definitely had a _type_. "Yes ma'am," she said instead and bent to help her with the mess she'd created in her rush to make room for the photograph.

They heard the door in the front room open and close. Anna's head popped up and her attention on cleaning was lost. "Rusty!" She ran from the room and disappeared down the hall.

"I wish a had a fourth of that energy." Sharon shook her head and followed.

Anna was bouncing around Rusty and talking a mile a minute as she told him all about the day that they had. He glanced over at Sharon as she joined them, a comical expression on his face. "What did you feed her?"

"We might have stopped for ice-cream after our manicures." Her lips pursed as she thought about it. "In hindsight, I really shouldn't have caved on the second scoop."

"Probably not." He laughed and managed to maneuver around Anna to drop his book bag on a chair.

"Nails. See!" Anna thrust her hands at him. "They're purple," she stated proudly.

"Of course they are." Rusty looked at Sharon and rolled his eyes at her. "You're getting soft. You never let _me_ get purple nails."

She snorted a laugh at his earnest expression, belied only by the sparkling of his eyes. "You're absolutely right, Rusty. I have never considered allowing you to have purple nails," her voice shook with the barely constrained amusement.

"I'm jealous." Rusty looked down at Anna. He made a great show of inspecting her nails while she preened. "Definitely jealous. It's not fair. _I_ want purple nails."

Anna's eyes lit up suddenly. "I can paint them!" She jumped up and down in front of him and sent her loose, brown curls to bouncing. "Just like mine!"

Sharon pressed the back of her hand against her mouth when she giggled. That probably wasn't the best tactic for Rusty to take. Anna could be tenacious when she _really _wanted something. "You know," she said haltingly, while trying not to laugh. "Maybe we can think about that after dinner. Right now, Rusty should go study and you promised to help me out."

The little girl sighed. "Okay. But later," she pointed a finger at Rusty, her mind obviously made up on the matter.

"You bet." Rusty waited for her to turn away before he shook his head. He reached for his bag again. As he walked past Sharon, he stopped to mutter. "You don't actually own any purple nail polish, right?"

"You know, I think I might," She smirked at him.

"Oh god." Rusty's hand smacked against his palm and he left to retreat to his room.

Sharon laughed outright and followed Anna into the kitchen. One day, he would learn, she thought. In the meantime, she was going to enjoy the process. A knock at the door had her turning back. Sharon called out to the over-exuberant child as she crossed the living room. "Anna, wait for me." She was still laughing as she pulled the door open. Sharon's brows lifted in surprise. "Oh… hi."

"Hi." Andy had almost talked himself out of knocking. They were only two days into the week of vacation that Sharon had scheduled, and he found himself missing her. It was more than being left to Provenza's tender administrative mercies. A week before, he might have found the absence of her presence a relief. That had changed, now that his head was firmly out of his ass. He thought of texting her a hundred times, but ended up deleting every one. Things were different now. The ease of what they'd had previously was missing. "I uh…" His thumb scraped across his forehead and he shrugged, then smiled sheepishly. "Hey."

She leaned against the open door and smiled at him. Her head tilted while she studied the ill-at-ease set of his shoulders and the way he fidgeted. "Hm." She hummed and stepped back to let him into the apartment. "Why do I think I should ask you what you've done?"

Andy shook his head as he stepped inside. "Historically we're not so good at following _the rules_ and you've left us on our own for two whole days. That could have something to do with it." He shoved his hands into his pockets and turned, standing in front of her. "For the record, no one has been… caught doing anything wrong. Yet."

"Yet," she repeated. Sharon pushed the door closed and leaned back against it. "That's the part that worries me. Well, that and the fact that you preambled it with _No one has been caught_…" She clasped her hands in front of her and gazed up at him. "Andy, why are you here?"

He shrugged. "That seems to be the question." His brows drew together in a frown. "You've been gone two whole days," he repeated, and offered another small smile.

Their eyes met and she saw in his gaze the same regret that she had been feeling. She held his gaze for only a moment before letting hers drop. "Oh," she said quietly. Sharon exhaled quietly and stared at the floor between them. She was questioning now if she was ready to open herself back up to that again. She had missed him, and it was as she had told Rusty, it was how they resolved the relationships that caused them hurt that defined who they were as people, and who they were together.

Andy stepped closer and let his hands loosely circle her wrists. "I think maybe I missed you," he rumbled quietly. His thumbs stroked the insides of her wrists. He sought her gaze again, and while he did, he inhaled the scent of her perfume, barely there, and yet he could pick it out of a room full of women. "Actually," he said. "I know I missed you."

He wasn't only speaking of the last two days. Sharon tipped her head back and the beginnings of a smile tugged at her lips. "I think this could fall under the _idiot_ classification." He was barely touching her at all, and yet, a warmth spread up her arms. "Andy," she spoke quietly and looked away again.

"Missed that too," he said, just as quietly. "You didn't tell me that Jack was gone." It needed to be said, but it wasn't an accusation. He was more curious about it. They had only agreed to part because of Jack in the first place.

"I'm not a switch." Sharon sighed. "I can't turn myself on and off like one, Andy. I didn't…" She trailed off and shrugged delicately. "I'm not that person, I'm available, I'm not available. This isn't a revolving door," She said, and nodded to the structure behind her. "He was here, and then he was gone. He didn't exactly tell me that he was planning to leave. He never does. Besides, you were pretty angry with me."

"Not at _you_," he corrected. That much, beyond anything else he did know for certain. "Maybe at myself a little, definitely at Jack, and this whole situation too. You were just conveniently present." Andy shook his head. "I was an ass," he said. "I'm sorry."

"No…" Sharon smiled again, this time sadly. "I'm so used to handling everything on my own, especially with Jack, that it never even occurred to me that there would be another solution. Or that I had other options. That isn't your fault. I stepped back, I chose to stay married to a man that… well…" They could discuss Jack's failings but there was no point in it, and she didn't want to do it while Anna was within hearing range. "I've been going through the motions of my life and that is on no one but me." She shook her head. "It's… well, it just is. I'm sorry," she added in a soft whisper.

"Hey." When she looked down, he tipped her face up. "Idiots love company, remember?"

"Hm." She hummed. Sharon wrapped her hand around his wrist and smiled up at him. "Indeed. Well, at least we've been able to recognize it." Movement at her hip drew her attention. Sharon looked down and found Anna looking up at them.

The little girl's eyes were wide. She leaned into Sharon's hip and wrapped her arms around her leg. Her eyes moved from Sharon to Andy, and back again. Sharon cupped her chin and winked at her. "Anna, you remember my friend Andy, don't you?"

Anna chose that moment to play shy and tucked her face into Sharon's hip, only to peek out at him again. It drew a chuckle from the adults. Andy knelt in front of her, and managed not to grimace when his knees creaked. "Hi there, Anna." He smiled gently. "You weren't so afraid of me the other night, when I brought you the spaghetti."

It drew a giggle from her and while she turned, she leaned back against Sharon's legs. She kept her head bowed and peeked out at him through thick lashes and from beneath her bangs. "Hi." Anna tipped her head all the way back and she looked up at Sharon. "Make dinner now?"

"Hm." Her fingers combed the child's bangs away from her forehead. "Yes, we probably should." Sharon stroked her cheek and then lifted the child onto her hip. "What do you think, Anna, should we ask Andy if he wants to stay for dinner?"

"Actually," he rose, and this time his knees popped. "I should go," Andy said. "I don't want to get in the way." He gave her a pointed a look. "It looks like it's going okay, so far."

"It is." Sharon looked at Anna and smiled. "I think we're going to be just fine. I think, perhaps, I just needed to… how do you usually put it," her eyes sparkled at him. "Pull my head out?"

Andy laughed. "Can I get that in writing? I want to frame it and put it on my desk. Sharon Raydor pulled her head out…"

Her eyes narrowed. He was enjoying it just a little too much. She sniffed. "Absolutely not, and if you ever mention it, I'll deny the entire conversation." Her chin lifted, but her eyes were still sparkling. "You should stay," she said. "It's only us and Rusty, and I think he could use the back up." Sharon's lips began to twitch again. "Anna is planning on painting his nails later."

"Purple!" She stuck her hand out so that he could see it. "Rusty wants purple nails too." With her blue eyes glittering, Anna considered him. "Stay," she decided. "I paint yours too."

Sharon snickered quietly. She had to look away to keep from laughing outright at the expression on his face. "Oh yes, please do," she managed. Sharon pressed her lips into a thin line, and began to laugh anyway. She couldn't help it, she was not only imagining him with the purple nail polish, but also the reaction of the others, and his partner in particular.

At her laughter, his eyes narrowed. Andy reached for Anna and plucked her out of Sharon's arms. "You think that bothers me?" He settled Anna in his own arms and walked with her toward the kitchen. "You've met Nicole. She's had that odd sense of humor her entire life… I should tell you about the time she gave me a facial."

"Oh god." Sharon giggled as she followed them. "I really hope there are pictures. Remind me to call her." He shot a dark look her way and she laughed again. Suddenly she was picturing him in bright shades of makeup. "Yes, I'm definitely calling her now. I may even grovel."

"Go right ahead," Andy said. "Just remember… Ricky likes me." He smirked. He was fairly certain that there was plenty of dirt to be had on Sharon too, and he could talk the boy into sharing it.

"We'll see," she drawled. Sharon stepped into the kitchen with them, and while Andy sat Anna on the counter, she walked to the pantry and opened it. "Anna, what are we having?"

The little girl looked up at Andy. When he winked at her, she giggled. "Sketti!"

"Yes of course. How silly of me," she said. Sharon pulled a package of noodles out of the pantry and circled the kitchen pulling out pans and other ingredients.

"Okay, no…" Andy took her by the shoulders and moved Sharon aside when she reached for canned sauce. "I can't let you do that.

"_Andy._" She shot a warning look at him. They'd discussed her kitchen before. Granted, it wasn't _this_ kitchen, but the rules still applied. Her brows rose while her lips pursed.

"_Sharon_." He placed her in front of Anna and pointed a finger at her. "Stay put." Her eyes narrowed, but he stood his ground. "I can't let you feed this child canned sauce. It's worth facing the beanbag gun to stop that."

She folded her arms across her chest and continued to scowl at him. "I am most definitely calling Nicole now. Those pictures, if they exist, are going up on the murder board."

"You can try." Andy smirked at her. "Who's side do you think my daughter is going to take?"

Sharon grinned smugly at him. "Mine." She lifted Anna and walked over to take a seat at the bar, facing him, with the child in her lap. "But, do go right ahead and cook for me." She would just make sure that he was on his own.

Andy knew that look, only too well. There was a challenge in it. He drummed his fingers against the counter and studied her. He decided it was worth it, when Anna leaned back in her arms and Sharon lay her cheek against the top of the little girl's head. He wondered if she even realized that now that she wasn't overthinking the situation just how easy it all seemed to come to her. Anna seemed comfortable with her, although even the team had been witness to a tantrum or two in the very beginning. It wasn't easy for anyone to have their lives turned completely upside down, he imagined that was true for a child as young as Anna too.

"When I'm done," Andy said, pushing the thoughts aside, "you're going to be begging me to cook for you again."

"Am I?" Sharon hummed. "We'll see," she said again.

She held onto Anna while Andy moved around her kitchen, familiarizing himself with it and finding all that he needed to make a _respectable_ pasta sauce. All too soon, the little girl began to fidget and wanted down. Sharon let her go and watched her wander back to the living room to play. "You've lost your audience." She rested her elbow on the surface of the bar and let her chin fall into her hand. "They are so fickle at this age."

"They're all fickle under thirty," he observed with a grin. "Just ask Provenza."

She laughed. The older Lieutenant's dating habits were just a bit legendary. Sharon shook her head at him. "I'd rather not think about it, thank you very much."

"You're not the only one." Andy chopped vegetables quickly and with practiced ease. "So how is she doing, you know, since Jack's been out of the picture." He nodded his head toward where Anna now sat, on the floor near the sofa, a tea set and doll in front of her.

"Since he's hardly been _in_ the picture…" Sharon shrugged. "She seems to be okay. She still asks about her mother, but she's too young to really understand everything. She'll ask about Jack too, but she accepts that he's not around so easily. He wasn't really there to begin with. The concept of having a _daddy_ is just so abstract for her, she can associate him with that, but it's a title. I don't think there's really much emotional involvement. It's her mother that she's missing, and that is always going to be with her to some degree." Sharon slipped off her stool and walked around to join him in the kitchen. She leaned her hip against the counter near where he worked. "We're muddling through. This situation is a lot different than Rusty's. I'm not sure if it's easier or more difficult. Her mother died, and his…" That went without saying. She didn't like to think about Sharon Beck too often, it just reminded her how much she truly disliked the woman. "Rusty was old enough to grasp much of the situation, but that meant he also understood the hurt that went with it. That will come in time with her too…"

His brows drew together. Andy watched her, and the way her gaze roamed back toward where Anna played. She seemed resigned again. He nudged her arm. "What are you thinking?"

"Just that I'm very familiar with this dance. A little too familiar," she said quietly, "and it's really very sad. He'll be out of the picture for a while," she said, speaking of Jack again. "Then when the guilt starts to set in, he'll call and check on her. There will be gifts and cards, he'll promise to visit, but he won't. He's going to break her heart again and again…" She trailed off and glanced at him, looking a bit sheepish. "I'm sorry. That's just a little bit maudlin isn't it?"

"I don't think you can really help that." Andy smiled sadly at her. "It is what it is. You can hope for the best, but you've got good reasons to know better. From where I'm standing, he hasn't given you any reasons to think otherwise." Andy shrugged. "You'll figure it out."

"You sound so sure of that." Sharon shook her head. "I'm not." She turned, so that she was leaning back against the edge of the counter. She folded her arms over her chest. Her head tilted and she smiled at him. "See, this is what I missed. Gavin wants to fix all my problems, and you'll just let me talk until I figure out all my crazy…. while silently plotting ways of planting your fist in my ex-husband's face."

"Yeah?" He arched a brow at her. "So what gave me away?" Andy smirked, he had been thinking exactly that. It wasn't much of a stretch though. There were a lot of people that would like to put their fists in Jackson Raydor's face, he was sure. He could name at least five off the top of his head.

Sharon cast a pointed look at where his grip on the knife had gone taut and white-knuckled. "I can't even imagine." She reached over and gently pried his fingers away from it and then nudged him aside. "I think you'd better let me do this before you lose something essential, and manage to ruin my favorite chopping board."

"Probably a good idea." He leaned against the counter nearby and watched her. Her hands were small, but quick and efficient. "It would be a shame too, but you just can't get blood out of bamboo." Andy pushed away from the counter and walked over to stand behind her. His hands rested against her upper arms, and he leaned closer. "For the record," he rumbled quietly. "I missed that too." When the knife thwacked loudly against the board, he peered over her shoulder to make sure all digits were still attached. "At this point, maybe we should just get Rusty to help…"

She laughed. "You might be right about that." The urge to lean back was strong, but she resisted it. They couldn't pick up where they'd left off, and they weren't ready to return to that level of familiarity yet. Instead, Sharon concentrated on the vegetables in front of her, and exhaled quietly when he stepped away from her.

Andy only moved away when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out and checked the screen. "Damn." He muttered quietly as he read the text. "I'm going to have to go." He met her gaze and smiled regretfully. "We caught a case."

She put the knife down and wiped her hands on a towel. "I'll walk you out." She didn't like that their night was cut short, but she understood it. Of all people _she_ got it. Normally, she'd be waiting for them to call her in as well.

He stopped on his way through the living room to kneel in front of Anna. "We're going to take a raincheck on that manicure, right?" When she looked confused, he smiled. "I gotta go, sweetheart, but we'll do it next time, maybe. Okay?"

"Okay." She smiled brightly at him. "Bye."

"Bye." He chuckled as he tapped her nose and stood to join Sharon at the door. "Anna, you're in charge. No canned sauce. Got it?"

"I'm the boss," she chirped.

"That's the spirit." He took Sharon's hand, for just a moment, as he stepped through the door that she held for him. "I'll call you?"

"Yes," she said with a nod. "When you can. Maybe we can try this again later in the week."

"Yeah," he said, and felt a little hopeful at that. "Or maybe we can go to Marcels…" It was the restaurant they had frequented before Jack's return.

"I would like that too." She watched him step away. "Good night, Andy."

"Sharon." He was reluctant to leave, but if he didn't arrive at the crime scene soon, his partner would ring his phone until the battery died. "Good night." Quietly, and feeling better than he had when he arrived, Andy made his way back to the elevator.

She waited until he was out of sight before she pushed the door closed behind him. She sighed when she turned to lean against it. Her eyes closed and she stood there for a few moments. A smile curved her lips.

Finally, she pushed away from it and made her way back to the kitchen. It seemed that after a brief interlude of time that she couldn't put a name to, things were finally getting back on track.


	7. Chapter 7

Better or Worse

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it.

* * *

><p>Andy listened patiently as Nicole talked excitedly about the plans that she and her husband had made for the holiday season. When the boys were out of school for Christmas vacation, they planned on taking them to Disneyland. Michael and Thomas had never been, and finally were at an age that they would enjoy it. Nicole wanted him to join them. He chuckled quietly as she wheedled and prodded. The boys would love it, and so would she. She had been a number of times over the years, but the visit that stuck out for her the most was the time that he and her mother had taken her when she was only seven. It was before things had gotten bad and her parents marriage had fallen apart. It was such a special memory and she wanted that for her boys.<p>

"Alright, okay," Andy put his hands up and chuckled again. "You got me. I'll go," he held up a hand. "Work permitting, of course." He always reminded her, when they made plans, that he could be called in at a moments notice. He couldn't predict the crimes that people would commit, he could only try to solve them.

"Of course." Nicole beamed. She would take it. Now that she was much older, she understood how important his work was. She wished that he could have more time for the things that he enjoyed, but he wasn't ready for retirement yet. Nicole wondered if he ever would be. She leaned her head in her hand and her dark hair fell over one shoulder. Her brown eyes sparkled at him. "It's going to be great. I can't wait to tell Jake."

Andy leaned back in his seat and lifted his coffee. The two had met for breakfast at a cafe not far from where Nicole worked. He had worked most of the night, but now they had a break in the case, and he was looking forward to going home and falling into bed, while the DDAs did their part of the work. He turned the cup in his hands and studied the dark liquid. He thought about what the park would mean to the kids and his head tilted. "Hey, Nic," an idea was starting to form. Andy didn't know how feasible it was, but it _seemed_ like a good idea. Of course, with him, that wasn't always the case. "You wouldn't mind if I asked Sharon to tag along with Anna and Rusty, do you?" He shrugged, and glanced up at her. "Well, I don't know that Rusty would want to, but Anna should like it too right? I mean, she's not too young."

Nicole's brows lifted in surprise. He hadn't mentioned Sharon in weeks, longer than that actually. He definitely hadn't wanted to talk about her after that day that they ran into her with her family outside of Papa Murphys. She considered her father for a moment, and wondered not for the first time, what exactly was going on with those two. Just when she thought that she knew, he threw a curve ball at her. Nicole's brows drew together, and her dark gaze was unwavering. "Actually, I think I might, Dad." She leaned forward and continued to watch him closely. "I mean, I don't think I understand what is going on there. You tell me that you're only friends and that she's married, but she's separated. Then you let it slip that she's getting divorced, and the next thing I know I'm being introduced to her husband and you won't talk about her at all. So yes, I think I do mind." She arched a brow at him. "At least until you tell me what is going on with the two of you." Her voice pitched lower and her gaze became troubled. "You're not having an affair with her are you?"

"What?" His eyes widened in surprise. "No!" Andy sat upright in his seat. He shook his head, almost frantically. "Nicole, it's not like that. We aren't, we haven't… No." Andy decided to leave it at that. "Look, it's complicated, okay? I don't really know what we are right now, but we're not having an affair."

"You're going to have to do a lot better than that." Nicole shook her head at him. "Look, dad, I like Sharon. I really do, but I have to think about what is best for my family. If there's some kind of drama going on with the two of you, then I really don't think—"

"She's divorced." Andy sighed and his shoulders slumped. "Or just about divorced. It's going to be final by the New Year. Nicole, I don't know that it's my story to tell. She was separated, and the papers were filed. She was waiting for Jack to sign them, and it looked like he was going to. We weren't together. We were friends. But I guess…" Andy looked away. He sighed again. "I guess it was kind of understood that something was going to happen when it was over. We're already in a kind of complicated situation working together. Sharon wouldn't complicate it more by starting something with me while she was still legally married."

"What about Anna?" Nicole asked gently. "You said that they'd been separated for twenty years, but unless that child is aging backwards, I don't exactly see how she's old enough to have been a product of pre-separation fun." She reached out and touched his hand. "Dad, is it possible that things just aren't finished with them?" She didn't want to see him get hurt, although it looked like maybe it was too late for that.

"No, it's done." Andy smiled gently at her. He turned his hand over under hers. "Nic, Anna isn't Sharon's daughter. She's Jack's, but Sharon isn't her mother. Not her real one. Sharon adopted Anna when Jack came back a few months ago." He looked down and shifted uncomfortably. "Anna's mother died, and Jack showed up with a kid that no one knew that he'd had. Turns out he and this woman had been living together out in Vegas, but he walked out on her and the baby. Something he's really good at. He asked Sharon to adopt her, since he's actually a crappier dad than I was. In return, he'd sign Rusty's adoption papers, and Anna would get back something that she had lost." Andy glanced up at her. "I guess you could say I screwed up."

Nicole's brows drew together in a confused expression. "You?" She shook her head. "Dad, how did you screw anything up. You're not responsible for—"

"I didn't talk her out of it." Andy gave her a sheepish look and looked away. "When Sharon told me what she was thinking of doing, I was so busy thinking about what I was losing that I didn't even try to help her out. So yeah, I screwed up. I mean, she didn't actually have to get back together with Jack to make it all work. Now he's gone, and Sharon has Anna. He left, again."

"Wow." Nicole leaned back in her seat and shook her head. "You weren't kidding about it being complicated. So, let's see if I understand. The husband takes off, she files for divorce, he shows up with a kid, they get back together, she adopts the kid, and now they're divorced, he's in the wind, and she's still got the kid. Holy crap!" She blinked at him. "So, where are you in all this. I mean, the two of you aren't just going to go back to whatever it was you were doing before, are you?"

"I don't see how we can." Andy's shoulders slumped again. He turned the coffee mug in front of him and finally lifted it to take a sip of the lukewarm liquid. "I mean, I think we could be friends again. I'd like that, but I don't see how we can go back. It's not like we can just pick up where it left off. I was an ass. That's something I'm good at."

"It sounds to me like you both made mistakes." Nicole reached out and covered his hand again. "Maybe that's the problem. You're both thinking too much about what happened and not what could be happening. You're worried about going back and you've got to think about going forward. Did it ever occur to you, old man, that maybe you should just ask the woman out and get it over with." Nicole grinned crookedly at him. Her dark eyes sparkled. "You keep screwing around with your chances, and you're going to lose it completely. Think of it like a second opportunity to get it right."

Andy chuckled quietly. He shook his head at her. He couldn't fault her enthusiasm, but he didn't necessarily agree. "I think it might already be too late, Nic. Or maybe it wasn't supposed to happen at all. I don't know."

"Don't think like that," she said softly. "Dad, what has not trying gotten you? So doesn't it stand to reason that maybe… doing something a little different might be the better option?" He still didn't look convinced, but Nicole knew not to push too far. It wasn't for her to really decide for him anyway. It just seemed so sad. "Invite her," she said. "We'd love to have her, and the kids too, of course." Nicole was beginning to think that maybe what those two needed was a babysitter.

"I will." Andy leaned back in his seat with a sigh. "I don't know if she'll be available, but I'll find out. I think it will be great. Especially for Anna. She's had a rough few months. She could use a little magic in her life."

"You are such a big teddy bear," Nicole decided. "Does anyone know that you are, without a doubt, the biggest softy on the planet?"

Andy rolled his eyes at her. "Oh yeah, that's me. Nicole, I think you might be a little bit confused. Maybe I should take you on a ride along one of these days…"

"You can try." She smirked at him. "Kick down as many doors as you like old man, but I've got you figured out. Big softy."

Andy groaned loudly. He hung his head and shook it. "Do me a favor and don't tell anyone that."

Nicole laughed. She wouldn't make any promises at all, but his work reputation she would leave alone. Where Sharon was concerned, well maybe that should be another situation entirely. She grinned deviously. "I'll think about it."

He put his head in his hand. His daughter was entirely too much like him. Andy glanced at her and had to grin. He'd have to think of some way of distracting her.

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

Andy didn't approach Sharon with the idea immediately. He gave it a couple of days. He didn't want to interrupt her vacation too much, he knew that she needed the time with Anna, just as much as she needed to have some time alone. He wanted to give her that, and if he was honest with himself, he thought that maybe they just needed to proceed a little more carefully this time. Although he would confess to having thought about what Nicole said, that if he waited too long, he would lose his chance.

It was a difficult situation to be in. He didn't want to push her, if she wasn't ready, and at the same time, he wondered if he was ready for that too. Andy had told her that they would try to have dinner again, later in the week. The case had turned out to be too involved to make that possible at first, but now that it was over, he decided to reach out to her.

He planned to take her to Marcels, although it seemed that life was still conspiring against them, when at the last minute she didn't have a sitter for Anna. Rusty planned to do it, but was called in to the bookstore where he worked. The idea crossed his mind that they could stay in, but Andy thought better of it. He told her to bring Anna along, after all, she would enjoy the spaghetti.

It was obviously the right thing to do. Sharon had smiled brightly at him at the invitation for the child and out they had gone. They sat at a table in the back and Andy filled the time by explaining the details of the case, in so much as he could with Anna present. It was mostly a recounting of the team's antics while Sharon was away.

"I cannot leave any of you alone for even a minute." Sharon had her face hidden in her hand. She couldn't believe that he had let Julio bust another interview table. Although she supposed it really was a toss-up. Either Julio would toss it flying, or Andy would kick it over. Either way, the poor table was doomed. "That's another fine stack of paperwork you've created for me."

"Me?" Andy was a picture of complete innocence. "I wasn't even in the room. That one is all on Provenza. He was in charge. I was just sitting in the interview room eating the popcorn." He watched her eyes sparkle in the dim lighting of the restaurant. How many nights had they sat here while he wondered whether or not he should ask to drive her home. Tonight he would be driving her home, but they weren't alone. His gaze wondered to Anna, who was seated on a small booster seat in the booth beside Sharon. The little girl's eyes were drooping tiredly. When she leaned her head against Sharon's shoulder, his smile softened. "Right now I think I should take you home."

"Hm." She glanced down at the child. They had long since finished their meals and paid the check. Now they were only talking, just as they had on a number of similar evenings. "Yes, I think you're right. This one needs her bed." Sharon brushed a hand over the child's hair. "Come on, sweetheart, let's go home."

Andy slid out of the booth and laid his napkin on the table while Sharon stood and eased the sleepy Anna into her arms. "I'll take her." He took the slight form from her and settled Anna against his shoulder. His arm settled beneath her bottom and he took her jacket from Sharon to lay over her. Her head lay against his shoulder and she tucked her arms beneath her, already letting her eyes close again. "She's out," he told Sharon, while she slipped into her own jacket.

"I'm not surprised," she said. Sharon brushed Anna's hair back before tucking both of her hands into the pockets of her jacket. "She had her first dance class today. It was a big day for her."

Andy's dark eyes sparkled. "Grooming another ballerina?" He held Anna easily as they made their way through the restaurant.

"I don't know about that," she laughed quietly. "We're trying a lot of new things. It's good for them, to have something that they like. Emily fell in love with ballet, Ricky had baseball, and with Rusty it's the chess. I want that for Anna too, but she's at an age where it's really hard to determine where her interests are going to go. Rusty already knew what he liked when he came to me. With Ricky and Emily, we did this too. We tried dance, gymnastics and different sports. As she gets older, she'll be able to tell me which one she really likes, and if she truly hates any of it, we'll stop. Ricky despised lacrosse, for example. Emily loved gymnastics, but she loved ballet more and she was too frightened of getting injured and losing both than having both… so we went with ballet. It seems to have worked out."

"I would say." Andy laughed at her. "Your daughter is dancing professionally and from what I've heard, she's very good at it." At her surprised look, he shrugged. "Nicole. She did some research after we told her about Emily. I'll have her send you the links to the videos she found online. I hear they're great." Ballet wasn't his thing, but he supported it because of his grandsons.

"Ah." Sharon pushed the door open for him when they reached it and held it while he carried Anna out into the cool night air. The days were mild, but the evenings were beginning to chill as it got closer to the Christmas holidays. Mid-December in southern California was a bit of an enigma, even to the residents. Sharon reached up and tucked Anna's jacket more securely around her.

"How does she feel about cartoons?" Andy slanted a look at her. At her confused look, he grinned. "You know, kids like those things right? I mean, it's been a while, but I seem to remember—"

Sharon rolled her eyes at him. "Reminding me how old we are isn't a very good move." She curled a hand around his arm as they walked, a move that was familiar and customary for one of their evenings out. "She likes them, I'm just not sure why you're asking. Anna is a particular fan of the princess variety." Sharon made a face at him and grinned. "Well, princesses, ponies, puppies, and all things cuddly and cute. The Darthness is draining from me even as we speak."

Andy snorted a the wry tone she used. "We can't have that," he replied in kind. "Remind me to lock you in a room with Provenza at the first possible moment."

Her eyes widened. "Are you trying to help me or punish me?"

"Good point." He nodded. "I'll think of something else." He smiled down at her. "Here's the thing, Nicole and Jake are taking the boys to Disneyland as soon as school is out for the winter break. They kind of want me to tag along." He shrugged, as if it wasn't the big deal that it really was. "We talked about it, and Nicole would really like it if you could join us. You know, with Anna, and Rusty too," he added, "If he's interested. I wasn't sure if it would be his thing, but Nic would love to have him too." Before she could respond, Andy went on quickly. "I just thought that, she's at that age right? And after everything she's been through these last few months, maybe she could use a little bit of that kind of magic. I mean, Nic wasn't that much older than Anna is now when we took her for the first time, and she really enjoyed it. I figured she might like it better if there were some other kids around, you know, closer to her own age and all that. It's kind of last minute, I guess, the boys will be out of school in another week or so, but I thought—"

"Andy." Sharon had to call his name more than once to get him to stop. He really could ramble on when he was worked up about something. "Andy." She lay a hand on his arm and moved into his path. She looked up at him; there was a soft smile at her lips and her eyes were dancing in the street lights. "I think it's a wonderful idea." She wondered at making it a family outing this soon, but he was right. Anna would find more enjoyment if there were children present that were closer to her own age. For that reason, she pushed aside whatever uncertainties she had about jumping back into a routine of providing a buffer for each other where their families were concerned… as that was exactly what he was doing, she only wondered if he realized it. "She's going to love it. You're right about Rusty, I'm not sure what he'll think of the idea, but I'll ask him. Maybe…" Sharon glanced away and considered for a moment. "Maybe he'll agree to take her, if we get pulled away." She hoped that wouldn't be the case, but they couldn't make any promises in their line of work. Although Sharon wondered if she could maneuver things in that event, so that Andy would still have the time with his family. It wouldn't hurt to have one of them absent, even for a day, or hadn't this week proved that? Sharon would see what sort of contingencies she could put in place.

"Good." Andy let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "I'll let Nicole know that you're on board." He grinned. Already he was wondering how he could make sure that it happened, at least for Anna and Sharon. He thought maybe he'd get with Provenza on it. His partner might just blow a gasket, but it would be worth it. He'd come around, for no other reason than because there was a kid involved. His partner might pretend otherwise, but he was a soft touch with the kids, and Anna wasn't any different.

"Okay." Sharon nodded and moved out of his way. They began walking again and she leaned into his side. When they reached her car, Sharon unlocked the back passenger door for him and moved around the car to climb into the backseat from the other side. Together they got the sleeping Anna into her carseat. When Andy had picked her up, they'd taken her car for the convenience of already having Anna's seat installed. Andy had insisted on driving, however, and Sharon hadn't minded. After settling her daughter into her seat, she passed the keys back to his waiting hand and chuckled quietly. She rolled her eyes at him when he opened the passenger door for her and folded herself easily into the front seat. "So bossy," she teased. "I was away too long."

"I won't argue with that," he rumbled quietly, and met her gaze. When her smile softened and her cheeks flushed, Andy pushed her door closed and rounded the car. He folded his long body behind the steering wheel and started the car. He caught her watching him, and returned the smile. Nicole's voice rang through his mind again. Andy thought about that while he maneuvered the car away from the restaurant and its downtown location. Traffic wasn't bad for that time of week, and he was able to let his mind wander.

Sharon leaned her head back against the seat and let her eyes close. It hadn't been so long go that she was exactly here, although with someone else behind the wheel. She sighed quietly as she recalled that it hadn't been a bad night either, she had enjoyed having her kids together, even if one of them had been missing. Despite all of that, there had been a sadness that she couldn't escape. She had been missing the man that was beside her.

What a difference a few weeks could create.

It was another very good night, and when she examined just how she was feeling, she supposed that now it was a bit wistful. A few months ago, there would have been a sense of anticipation on the air as he drove her home. They'd have parted, innocently enough, only to look forward to the next occasion. She only wondered now what that would be. What was left for them that she could hope for? Sharon's eyes opened and she turned her gaze onto the city as it passed. It blurred a bit, with the stinging of her eyes and she took a small, shallow breath while she controlled the direction that her emotions had taken.

"Penny," Andy stated, when she grew silent and he felt the air in the car shift toward something just a bit pensive.

A smile tugged her at her lips. Sharon let her head roll against the seat rest and gazed at him. "I was just thinking how much I'd missed this," she said quietly, voice thick with all the things that she wouldn't let herself say.

Andy glanced at her, and not for the first time he was struck by just how expressive her eyes could be. He felt his chest clench in response and reached for her hand. "Me too," he said quietly. There was much more that he would like to say, but like Sharon, he was holding it back. He held on to her hand, however, as he maneuvered them through the LA traffic and away from downtown. She let him, and when she turned her hand in his and their fingers twined together, he began to think that maybe Nicole had a point. It was entirely possible he was putting too much thought into it, and not nearly enough activity. The only thing that stilled his wandering thoughts was the idea that he would spook her, or push her too far too quickly.

They lapsed into a more comfortable silence as the drive continued. When they reached the building that Sharon had moved into, Andy pulled her car into the garage, beside where his waited. Rather than part from her immediately, he offered to take Anna upstairs and easily pulled the sleeping girl from her carseat. They talked quietly as they rode the elevator up, Sharon hadn't expected Rusty to be home yet, and his car had not been parked downstairs. When they reached the condo, Sharon pushed the door open for him and shrugged out of her jacket. She hung it up, and then dropped her keys in the tray on the table beside it as she moved past him to lead the way inside.

"This way," she led the way down the hall, and when they reached the end, she pointed Andy into Anna's room. "I'll be right there." She stepped into hers to leave her purse on the dresser but joined him quickly. He was just laying Anna amidst the lavender and lilac blankets of her bed when she joined him. Together they removed her shoes and socks and Sharon managed to ease her into something far more comfortable than the dress she had worn to dinner, all without waking the child.

Afterward, she tucked her in and bent to to press a kiss to the top of her head before drawing away. She made sure the night light was on and dimmed the lights before stepping into the hall with Andy. She found him looking at her, with a look she couldn't quite decipher. "What?"

"Nothing." He shook his head. "I was just thinking that maybe you really needed this week. You're almost a natural now."

She rolled her eyes at him and started down the hall again. "We're not there yet. But it's better," she said. Sharon shrugged. "I disengaged my brain and the rest took over. We're going to be okay, she and I. The funny part is," She explained, "It really is more like it was with Rusty than I thought. With him I had to keep reminding myself that he wasn't mine, and with Anna I kept telling myself that she _is_ mine, now, and I should act like it. In both situations as soon as I stopped thinking so much about it and just let it go, it fell into place the way it was meant to. That's what I'm doing here."

"Well its working, whatever you're doing." Andy shoved his hands into his pockets and let his gaze wonder to the floor. "I'm glad."

"Are you?" She hadn't meant to ask it, and shook her head before he could answer. Sharon walked away from him, and into the kitchen. She reached for the kettle and began filling it. She didn't really want to know the answer to that, not if it was juxtapose to how she would like things to be. When she set the kettle on the stove, he was there. His hands grasped hers before she could turn on the burner. She was drawn back into the circle of his arms and against the solid wall of his chest. Her eyes closed as his warmth filled her.

It was the sense of hurt and regret in her gaze as she turned away that pushed him to act. He felt the tremor that moved through her settle deep inside him. Andy held her, small hands clasped in his, and body tucked against him. It had always surprised him just how easily and well she fit against him. It was something that he had missed, something he didn't want to be without again.

"What happened in your marriage doesn't have anything to do with me," he rumbled against her ear. "I wasn't part of it."

Her tongue darted out to sweep across her dry lips, followed by her teeth scraping across her bottom lip. "Even if that means I come with more baggage than I had before? I was a packaged deal before, Andy, and that's only become more involved." Her breath hitched when she felt the heat of his caress the side of her neck when his head bent low. This was not the conversation that she envisioned, but then, nothing about their relationship had gone exactly to plan. Maybe that was the problem, the _planning_.

"She's not baggage." His lips brushed the curve of her jaw, where it met her ear. "She's your daughter. So you've got another kid, big deal. It happens." He continued to hold her, found he couldn't convince himself to let go of her. "There've been some bumps and cracks in the pavement, even a couple of detours maybe. I just want to be there when that road ends. So yeah, I'm glad its working out."

Sharon turned in his embrace finally, and let her hands rest against his chest. She looked up at him, her eyes were bright. She was at least gratified to realize that his heart was beating just as furiously as her own was. "I'd really like for you to be there too," she said quietly. "I just don't know how we get back on track."

His hands came up to hold her waist loosely. "Maybe it's time we stop thinking about it and just let it happen." Andy shrugged. "If it's going to happen. Disengage the mind, let the rest fall into place. That seems to be working okay for you so far."

"Hm." She hummed softly. "Yes, it is." Sharon lifted her face toward him, and his hands came up to slid gently into her hair. It was hardly a kiss at all, the soft brushing of their lips, but it held a wealth of promise.

Andy tipped her head back and gazed into her eyes. His lips brushed the tip of her nose before he let his hands drop. "I should go."

"Okay," she agreed, but didn't move. Instead, her eyes followed him as he stepped back. She tracked his movement around the bar and only when he'd made it half way across the living room did she manage to spur herself into movement. Sharon stepped out of the kitchen and followed him more slowly. She pressed her lips together and moaned quietly at the tumult of thoughts and emotions that were suddenly upon her. "_Andy_."

His hand had only just barely brushed the door knob. The keening in her tone pulled at him. He realized he was trying to be noble again. He was so intent on not pushing her too quickly, that he forgot Sharon would only let him get as far as she was prepared to allow. Andy turned and caught her gaze. The longing in it had him striding toward her. "Oh the hell with it."

When he reached her, his hands moved into her hair again. He tipped her hair back and turned them both until the wall was at her back and she was pressed against it. He lowered his head and caught her mouth again, this time kissing her with all the fervor that their months apart had ignited.

At last they parted, breaths ragged, and lips swollen. "Stay," She murmured.

"I'm not goin' anywhere." When her lips curved he kissed them again and pulled her away from the wall.

Her arms moved around his neck and when he lifted her, she laughed against his mouth. He would be paying for that later, but at the moment neither of them cared. When he promised to stay with her, she knew that she could believe him. She had no reason to second guess his motives or his intentions. His touch burned right through her, while something deeper sparked and began to blossom again. Perhaps not forgotten, just pushed aside for a while. It was a bit like spring after a dark winter. Bright and full of promise.

It was the last coherent thought she let herself enjoy before she disengaged her mind. She let the rest take over, let herself be swept away on a wave of need and desire. In these arms, at least, she knew that she was safe.


	8. Chapter 8

Better or Worse

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it.

* * *

><p>A low, throaty laugh sounded through the room. Andy had his jacket thrown over one arm, and the other was wrapped Sharon's waist. He turned his face into her neck and nuzzled. They stood in front of her door. The hour was very late, or very early, depending upon the outlook. It wasn't quite dawn yet, but it was well after midnight. He usually left her just after dawn, as the first light of morning was spreading across the sky. It made for some very long days running on too little sleep, but it was worth it. It would catch up to them soon, but for the present the change in their relationship was still very new.<p>

Sharon had been sneaking him in and out of the condo for a week, with neither of the kids any the wiser for it. It was more complicated now that Sharon was back at work, and between both of their schedules and the time she set aside to spend with Anna and Rusty, they were doing a lot of juggling. It was working, in the crazy and chaotic way that all new relationships seemed to work in the beginning.

It wasn't necessarily that Sharon didn't want the children to know about them, but both of them were still getting used to life after Jack and while she didn't expect that Rusty would have an issue with it, Anna was very young and she didn't want to confuse her. She also didn't want to put Rusty in a position where he felt he needed to lie for her, and for the moment, she very much wanted to keep that relationship to herself. So much of her private life had been fodder for gossip lately that she didn't want to place anything else into the mill. At least for the time being. For now she wanted to enjoy it.

Enjoy it they were.

"You're going to be late." Sharon's head tilted to one side as his lips moved along her neck. They were only up at this hour because his phone had gone off. Sharon figured she had time enough to get into the shower after he was gone before she would be getting the call to join them. She would wait until the last minute to wake Rusty and let him know that he would need to get Anna to preschool. Andy didn't seem in any hurry to leave, however, but Sharon was trying to maneuver him out the door before they either managed to wake Rusty, or his partner had Tao track the GPS on his phone to find out where he was and what was keeping him.

"Yeah." He backed her into the wall beside the door and held her there. "There's no hurry for me to leave then, is there?" His hand slid down her side, beneath the hem of the short, blue robe she was wearing.

"Okay!" She placed her hands against his chest and gave him a firm push backward. "You _really_ have to go now." Sharon reached beyond him to unlock and open the door. As she opened it, she began maneuvering him toward it. "Go, pretend to be a responsible Lieutenant," she said teasingly.

"I thought I was being responsible." Andy was pulling her with him as he backed through the door. "Keeping the boss happy is an essential part of my job," he rumbled. He dipped his head to capture her smiling mouth in a kiss.

A pair of hands landed against Andy's shoulders. "I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say this isn't how the LAPD intends you to do that. But big points for effort and sentiment!" Ricky Raydor had put his hands up, mainly to keep from being ploughed over as the Lieutenant backed out of his mother's apartment. Apparently with her in his arms and half dressed on top of it.

"Ricky!" The surprise was immediate. Sharon moved around Andy to stare wide-eyed at her son. Her eyes quickly took in the sight of Rusty standing beside him. "Rusty." A brow arched as she looked between the two of them. "What are you doing here, and what are _you_ doing out at three in the morning?" The last was directed at the youngest.

"Well isn't that a fine greeting." Ricky shook his head and looked at his younger brother. "Rearrange my entire schedule to come down and help out for a few days and this is the thanks I get? How do you like that?"

"Harsh." Rusty shoved his hands into his pockets and smirked. "His plane got in late," he told Sharon. "We decided to go out after I got off work. I sent a text to your phone." His brows lifted. "I guess you were too busy to check it," he glanced at the Lieutenant and then gave her a pointed look. Rusty then made a point of looking at his watch. "It's a little early for you to be sneaking him out, isn't it? You usually wait until about five…"

"Wait." Ricky interrupted them, but his mother's mouth was moving while no sound was coming out. He figured it was just as well. The Lieutenant was looking entirely too uncomfortable for words. It was amusing. "You knew about this?" He gestured between the two of them. "You didn't tell me? Not cool, little brother. We talked about this. There's a code."

"I understand." Rusty's head inclined while he thought about it. "There's just a line. It's a fine one… between obeying the code and giving up any chance at future blackmail material. Besides, this moment?" He pointed at Sharon and Andy. "That is perfection."

Sharon turned to Andy. She said nothing as she grabbed his arm and pulled him back into the condo. Then she shut the door and leaned back against it. She buried her face in her hands and groaned. "Oh god."

Andy looked heavenward. He folded his lips together, but it didn't stop the shaking of his shoulders. "Look on the bright side," he managed, while chuckling, "they're getting along." When she moaned again, he shook his head. A blush was creeping up her neck. "I suppose this is a bad time to point out you've locked your sons out and us in… and I have somewhere to be."

Her hands dropped. She flashed a wide-eyed look at him. "_Now_ you want to leave?" She was mortified, not necessarily at having been caught, but the manner in which it happened, and by whom. Both of them, at the same time. "You cannot leave me here alone with them," she hissed.

Andy's brows rose. He grinned crookedly at her. "There's just one problem with that. Crime scene." His dark eyes were sparkling at her. Andy reached out and tugged her forward. His hand slid behind her to wrap around the door knob. "Like you said, I'm going to be late."

"_Andy_," she spoke between her teeth. Her eyes narrowed. "Just remember, I _will_ get even," Sharon promised.

His eyes swept down her form and he grinned again. "I really hope so." He winked as he pulled the door open and edged past her. It was going to cost him, he knew, but he dropped a kiss to her mouth, while her sons looked on and then walked past them. "Goodnight boys."

They exchanged amused looks. Rusty made a face, while Ricky's smirk was all mischief. "Night," they both said, and took it as their cue to make their way inside before the door could be closed on them again.

"So," Ricky said at length. "I guess you won't be moving Anna in with you so I can camp out in her room, huh?"

Her lips pursed. "Remind me to shoot him later." Her gaze swept to the boys and she turned away from them. "Go to bed, both of you. Don't wake your sister. Rusty, you'll have to be up in a couple of hours to take her to school."

Ricky held his arms up and watched her start down the hall. "What? I don't even get a hello, nice to see you? And you call yourself my mother…"

"Hello Ricky, lovely to see you. Now go to bed," she stated again, and shot a look at him from over her shoulder.

They waited for her to disappear, and then Ricky looked at his brother. "So, it's six in New York, who wants to call Emily." His brows bobbed while his eyes sparkled deviously.

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

Emily Raydor had a ritual that she followed after wrapping a show. The hours following the final curtain call were usually spent at a party of some sort, whether organized by the company, or among the dancers themselves to celebrate a successful run. They even celebrated the not-so-successful runs. Then she would fall into bed and pull a pillow over her head, sleeping until her body simply could not stand the idea of sleeping any longer. Afterward she would catch up on all of the carbs and sweets that she denied herself during the run of the show, and she would spend at least two days being utterly lazy.

She would read or watch television, catch up on all of the social networking that she was behind on and then begin tracking down those friends that she saw so little of during the chaos of rehearsals, meetings, and showtimes. She would also call her mother, and her grandparents. She would speak to her brother, although lately she was amending that and speaking to her _brothers_. After a few days she would venture back out into the world again, to go shopping, visit all the trendy hotspots she loved, or catch up on the other shows that were running in the city.

Those that knew her were well versed in the _Emily Ritual_ and knew better than to call before noon. When her phone rang at six in the morning following the wrap of her fall production, she groaned loudly and hugged the pillow tighter to her head. The irritating ringtone persisted, however, only to stop and begin again. Whoever was calling just wasn't satisfied with leaving a voicemail. Emily heaved an annoyed sigh and without opening her eyes, or removing her pillow, she reached over and blindly felt along the bedside table until her fingers closed around it.

She drew it beneath the pillow and muttered darkly, "This had better be an emergency."

"Mom's got a boyfriend." Ricky's voice filled her ear.

"What?" The pillow was tossed aside as Emily sat up in her bed. "Ricky, that's not funny. I just went to bed…" She squinted at the bedside clock. "Two hours ago. If you are waking me up with one of your wild—"

"Rusty and I just busted her making out with him." On his end of the line, he tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder while he made up the camp bed which was pushed into a corner of Rusty's bedroom. "That's not all, she was sneaking him _out__… _at three in the morning."

"No…" Emily's eyes widened. "But Dad _just_ left!" Her jaw dropped open and she shook her head slowly. "You had to misunderstand that. She wouldn't…"

"Oh she was." He grinned crookedly. "I'm telling you Emmy, she was seeing him to the door, and she wasn't exactly all dressed. Rusty said it isn't the first time. She's been sneaking him in and out for a little while now. He's not too sure how long, but yeah. It's happening."

"Okay, just… hang on." Her brain wasn't firing on all cylinders, Emily could recognize that. "How long has dad been gone this time?" She squeezed her eyes closed and reached up to rub at the ache that was building between them, caused from too little sleep.

"About a month," he said. "That's not a big deal. He comes, he goes, he stays, he doesn't stay…" Ricky rolled his eyes. "This time he'll be gone a while, I'm sure. Especially with the papers signed, sealed, and all but finalized. I'm not worried about that." He straightened and smirked. "Mom's got a _boyfriend_," he drawled, and let her hear the mischief in his tone.

"Yeah, well…" Emily yawned and lay back on the bed. "Even mom has to get laid at some point. Good for her. Who is it?"

"Some guy she works with." Ricky lowered himself onto the camp bed and looked up when Rusty came back into the room. "I've met him, he's alright. Rusty sent you a picture, check your email."

Emily groaned as she pulled herself up again. She crawled to the end of her bed and reached out to snag her iPad off the desk. Then she sat back and folded her legs beneath her. She tucked her phone against her shoulder and swept her hand across the tablet to bring the screen up. After it loaded, she pulled up the email app and yawned again as it loaded each of the messages that she was behind on. The most recent was from Rusty. She double tapped the attachment. Her eyes widened when the picture appeared. Her mother in full lip-lock, at her door, and looking just as disheveled as her brother said.

"Oh my god!" She exclaimed. Emily hadn't fully believed him.

"Exactly." Ricky stretched out on the bed and got comfortable. "Now you see the conundrum with which we are faced. Did you think I would joke about that?"

"You are twisted and I'm fairly sure the milkman dropped you off, but hello Silver-Haired-Fox," her eyes were still wide. "Does mom know you have this?"

"Hello," Ricky rolled his eyes at her. "We're still alive to send it, aren't we? Of course not. What sort of amateur do you think I am, Emmy?"

Her head tilted and her lips pursed. "Do you really want me to answer that?" She closed the case on the iPad and set it aside. Then she fell back on the bed again, with yet another yawn. "Okay, this is what you do. Get rid of the evidence," she spoke through the yawn. "Under no circumstances is she to find out you've got it. Play it cool, don't overdo the teasing. I mean, you get some mileage out of busting her, but it's limited and expires by noon."

"Already done, twirling girl, we deleted it the second we sent it." Ricky stared at the ceiling. Really, who did she think they were dealing with? Like her, he'd had his whole life to learn how to run circles around Sharon Raydor - or at least, to try to run circles. "What's the next step?"

"You call the airline and bump my flight up. I'm going back to sleep. Text me the details, but I don't want to be awake before ten. I'll need an hour to pack, so don't put me on anything before about two. That's what, eleven your time? It's about a five hour flight, so that should put me in LA around…" Emily did the math quickly. "Around four, but as long as I'm not getting in any later than six, it should all work out okay." Despite the fact that her eyes were already closed again, Emily smirked. "Ricky, we're going to have an intervention."

"By intervention," he stated, "Do you mean…"

"Inquisition." She grinned sleepily. "The look on her face will be pure perfection, little brother. Now be a good boy and do as you're told. I need to crash."

"Yeah, sure," he grinned. "See you in a few." Rusty ended the call and dropped his phone beside him. "Hey, Rusty, Emmy needs you to change her flight. She wants to come in this evening…" Ricky slid further down in the camp bed and got comfortable. "Nothing before two Manhattan time, and she doesn't want to get in later than six local…" This having a younger sibling thing wasn't so bad, he'd learned.

Rusty opened his laptop to find the itinerary she had sent them a few days before. "We are all going to die," he said. "Just for the record. She's going to kill us."

"There's three of us now," he pointed out. "Four if we count the little pip. She's outnumbered."

Rusty stared at his brother as though he'd grown a second head. "Have you _met _her? This is _Sharon_ we're talking about. We are so screwed…" He went about changing Emily's flight anyway, because at least they'd all go down together. "And the pip makes it three and a half."

"She'll learn." Ricky closed his eyes. "We'll teach her."

"Yeah," Rusty snorted. "If we're still alive." By the time that he finished making the flight reservations, Rusty glanced at his clock and realized that by now it would be smarter just to stay awake until after he dropped Anna at preschool. Then he could sleep for a few hours before picking her up. He would make Ricky do the airport run, he decided.

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

Emily Raydor strode toward baggage claim at LAX at just after five thirty in the evening. She scanned the crowd of people standing nearby, some of them holding signs, others just waiting patiently for their arrivals to find them. Her eyes landed on a sign, brightly colored and standing out amongst the others. _Pipsqueak_. Her eyes narrowed and her gaze dropped. Ricky was grinning widely as he held the sign. She strode toward him. "Really? That's what you went with?"

"What?" He shrugged as he lowered it. "You spotted it didn't you? So it worked." Ricky folded the cardboard poster in half and tucked it under his arm. "So, how was the flight?"

"It was a flight." She rolled her eyes at him. "Oh shut up, punk." Emily nudged his shoulder, then leaned in to hug him. "Good grief, when did you get so tall?" Before he could answer, she leaned back and her nose wrinkled. "Do you even try to comb your hair anymore?"

Beside and slightly behind him, Rusty snickered. "That's what you get when you cut it yourself." Anna stood beside him, holding his hand, and he lifted her as he stepped forward to join them. "Dude, it's kind of bad."

"Everyone is a critic." Ricky reached up to smooth a hand over his hair. "What are you laughing at?" He made a face at Anna, who was giggling, and only set her to laughing harder. "I am so abused in my time." He shook his head. "Okay, so… Rusty," he gestured at Emily with both hands. "Emily. Emily, this is the little brother."

Rusty slanted a look at him. "I have actually spoken to her before."

"What?" Ricky's eyes widened. "You're sibling cheating on me?"

"I begged my mother for a puppy." Emily sighed, but for Rusty she was all smiles. She stepped forward and offered him a hand, having recalled what her mother said about his not liking to be touched a whole lot. "So you're the normal little brother I always wanted. Finally! At least now I know she _has_ been listening all these years."

"You know," Rusty grinned. "I never really thought of myself as normal before, but compared to what you had before me, yeah… that's me." He shook her hand. She reminded him of Sharon a little, but the grin and her eyes reminded him of Jack. Now that he was seeing her in person, rather than in pictures and face-time, he realized that Anna really did look a lot like her too. Reminded of the little girl, he glanced at her. "Okay so, this is Anna… and I guess she is your little sister."

Emily hadn't known how she would feel about meeting this little girl. She had thought about it a lot during the flight. She had spoken to her, via face-time, but this in-person meeting was so much different than that. The video-conferences just made everything seem so abstract. She took a moment to really study her. Their dad had done a lot of things over the years, but this one… She didn't know that she really had the words for it, but it was directed mostly at him. When faced with the little girl, who ducked her face and turned shyly into Rusty's shoulder, Emily could only smile. She decided to stop questioning why her mother was doing all of this. It was done. Adopted by her mother or not, and whether Emily was close to her father or not, the little one was family.

That didn't make it any less awkward. They were still strangers to each other. But they could learn.

"Well hello Anna." Emily held out a hand and smiled kindly. "Sounds like I'm your big sister. Do you know what that means?"

Anna shook her head slowly, and watched the lady from beneath her lashes. "No," she said quietly. "What is it?"

"It means," Emily explained with a smile, "that you and I get to do all kinds of things to make these two guys look better. We can go shopping, and get manicures, and find someone who will fix Ricky's hair." Her blue eyes sparkled. "It also means that your new mom, Sharon, is my mom too, and your daddy, he's my daddy."

"Oh," Anna said slowly, while her eyes widened. "Is she your first mom or your now mom?"

The question threw Emily for surprise. She had to think about it for a moment to realize what was being asked. "I guess she's both. She's my first mom because she's the only one I've got, and she's my now mom too, because I've still got her." Her head tilted. "Does that make sense?"

Anna nodded. "She's Rusty's now mom too," she explained. "We both got 'dopted."

"That's what I hear." Emily said with a smile. "You know what, I had a friend once that was adopted. Someone made fun of her once, and you know what her now mom said?" When Anna shook her head, Emily leaned closer. "She said that all of our moms, and the little boy who was making fun of her, his mom didn't get to pick which kid she got. But now moms get to choose, and they only pick the best. And ya know what? I think she was right." She understood that her mother's choice hadn't exactly been that great, but she made it anyway, and Anna never needed to know all that.

While Anna only giggled and turned back into Rusty's shoulder, he grinned. "Well played." He tilted his head at her. "You know, she didn't exactly pick me, right?"

"Hm." Emily hummed. Her lips pursed. "Oh, I think she did." Emily looked around and noticed at that the bags were now circling. "Okay, let me grab my stuff and we can go."

Anna turned to Rusty. "He's not really going to put me on it is he?"

"No." Rusty laughed. "Ricky was only kidding." He shot a look at the older boy.

"What?" Emily looked between the two of them.

Ricky rolled his eyes. "I told Anna we'd let her ride the baggage carousel. Then Rusty got all freaked out that Mom would have a cat if we lost Anna at the airport, since she doesn't really know we're here…" He shrugged. "I thought it would be fun. You know, kind of like that time you put me in the dryer."

Rusty's eyes went wide. "You put him in the _dryer_?"

"I didn't turn it on." Emily grinned. "I mean, I couldn't reach the knobs, but still…" She folded her arms over her chest. "I know it sounds bad, but he's completely leaving out the part where he tried to stuff me in the dishwasher. Now that I think about it… It's kind of amazing that either of us survived."

"Wow." Rusty blinked. "I always wondered why Sharon is the way that she is. Now I get it. Also, I _am_ the normal one."

"Oh please." Ricky reached over and ruffled his hair. "You are in no way normal. Come on," he bumped Emily with his shoulder. "Let's get your bags. How many of them are there? Twelve?"

She made a face at him as she turned. "There are three. Dork."

"You really were tired," he said. "Pipsqueak." Ricky caught her in a headlock and drew her toward the carousel with him.

"Hey, let go of me you big bully!" Emily dug her elbow into his side.

Rusty looked at Anna. "It's just us kid. We are the last bastion of normal in this family."

She nodded slowly, and said seriously, "Yeah."

After retrieving Emily's bags, the group climbed into Rusty's car. Los Angeles traffic at that hour of the day was horrible, and so the ride from the airport was prolonged. It gave them time to discuss their game plan, however. Rusty explained that with the team catching a case the previous night, Sharon would probably be working late. It was decided that they would stop for dinner, and then Emily would make her grand entrance at the Murder Room, rather than waiting for her mother to get home - which, Rusty told them, could be very late or very early the next morning.

At the restaurant, Emily took the opportunity to slip into a comfortable cashmere sweater of pale blue, and to freshen up her hair and makeup. She made the flight in jeans and a pair of heeled, brown, riding boots.

Traffic wasn't nearly so bad when they left the restaurant and made the trip downtown. As usual, Rusty had to park a few blocks away. Emily drew her purse over her shoulder and shook her hair back when they left the elevator on the ninth floor of the Divisional Headquarters where Major Crimes was housed. On the way up, Rusty had given her a brief rundown of the Murder Room's layout, since she had never been there.

They peaked in when they arrived and Rusty quickly scoped out the room. Most of the team was present and he could see Sharon working in her office. "Okay," he told her. "You're on."

"Watch and learn little brothers, watch and learn." Emily lifted her chin and squared her shoulders. Then she started her stride through the murder room. The heels of her boots clicked against the tile, drawing the attention of the officers present. She looked straight ahead, however, and moved through the room as though she had been doing it for years, rather than seconds.

Her hair fell in loose, dark curls around her shoulders. It swayed and bounced as she walked. Her blue-eyed gaze only dropped once, as she neared the office that Rusty indicated belonged to her mother. It located the detective from the photo that Ricky had shown her that morning. His curious gaze looked back at her, and while she watched, his eyes narrowed in speculation. One corner of Emily's mouth lifted in a half smirk, and then she winked at him.

"Ma'am, can we—"

The voice had come from behind her, but Emily ignored it. Instead, she caught the handle of her mother's door and gave it a turn. She swept inside, and with added flare, gave a flick of her wrist to send it shut again. It closed with a loud click that was not quite a slam. Emily knew she could push only _so far_. Her brows lifted when she turned and fixed the surprised woman behind the desk with a pointed look. "_Really_?" Emily took a step forward and dropped her purse on a chair. Her hands found her hips. "I cannot leave you unsupervised for even a minute, can I?"

Sharon looked up when her door opened. Her eyes widened at the identity of the visitor, and then while she was left in her surprised state, she blinked a few times. Slowly, a smile began to curve her lips. "Emily!" She wasn't expecting her daughter's arrival until early the following week. Sharon pushed up from the desk and rounded it. "You're early."

"I'm always early. Except when I'm not." The attitude she was giving off dissolved into a wide smile. She met her mother halfway and stepped into an embrace. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. There was always a moment, either in Park City or upon returning to Los Angeles when all the stress and the drama and the chaos of living in Manhattan faded away. This was it, this was the moment, and she had been missing it. Two years had passed since her mother managed to make the Park City trip for the Christmas Holidays and Emily's schedule just hadn't allowed for an extra trip west. She should have made the time, she knew, but her mom was big on them chasing their dreams and living their lives. Still, as she felt that sense of peace and home settle over her, she resolved to do better.

"Let me see you." Sharon pulled back and cupped her daughter's chin. Emily was only just taller than she was, but had the slight, lean build that leant itself to her talent and profession. She was thin, and beneath the makeup, she was pale. Sharon could see the dark smudges that her concealer didn't completely hide. She was so obviously tired but her blue eyes were sparkling happily and the smile lit her face. "Your brother called you."

It wasn't a question, so Emily just shrugged. "You had to know that he would." Her head tilted and she sighed. "Rick called at like six this morning. Of course I had to see it for myself. You know how he is… drama queen!" Her smile faltered a bit while she studied her mother. She looked tired, but there was a lightness about her that Emily hadn't seen in a very long time. "My turn." Emily stepped back and held her mother's arms out. "You're not human. I really hope the aging fairies are listening, and I was this blessed." The devious sparkle returned to her eyes. "Of course, I suppose regular sex wouldn't have anything to do with that at all."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Sharon walked around her, she glanced back and there was a smirk planted firmly on her face. Beyond the glass that encased her office and the open blinds, she could see that her boys had arrived. She decided to put an end to the mischief before it could go too far.

Emily laughed. "Of course you don't." She picked up her purse again and followed her mother out of the office.

The moment they appeared, Anna wiggled away from Rusty and trotted over to Sharon. She threw her arms out when she neared in full expectation of being lifted. She was not disappointed. The moment that Anna was perched against her hip, she fixed Sharon with a very serious look. "Ricky tried to lose me at the airport."

"What?" He was standing, speaking with Lieutenant Tao, but upon hearing that, Ricky's head popped up and he whirled around. "No I didn't."

"Uh huh." Anna nodded. "He was going to put me on the bag machine and send me to China!"

"I see." Sharon's brow arched. She cast a pointed look at her eldest son. "Richard William Raydor."

Rusty snorted a laugh at the incredulous look on his face. "Well, you did joke that if you let her ride the bag carousel she might end up in China."

"But I wasn't really going to let her ride it," Ricky exclaimed. His mother was still staring hard at him. "Really!"

"Hm." Sharon hummed. "Where were you in all of this Rusty?" Her gaze fell on him as well and she included both of her sons in her glare.

"What? How come he doesn't get full-named." Ricky's jaw dropped. "That is _not_ fair."

Rusty threw his hands up. "I was hanging onto Anna and not letting him do it."

"Yeah." Anna nodded. "Rusty was good. Ricky was bad."

Ricky's hand smacked against his forehead. "I don't believe this."

"Believe it." Emily smirked happily at his plight. It was one that he had gotten her into a number of times over the years. "Turn about is fair play little brother." She folded her arms over her chest and stood beside her mother.

"You." He pointed at her. "You put her up to this didn't you!" Ricky's eyes narrowed as he regarded his sister. "I will get even."

"You can try." Sharon continued to stare hard at him. Finally she averted her gaze to Anna. "Have you had dinner yet? We can check out the break room before your brother takes you home."

"No. I ate. We had burgers." Anna lay her head on Sharon's shoulder and sighed. She didn't like these long nights when it was just her and Rusty. "Are you coming home?" She asked plaintively.

"Soon, I hope," Sharon rubbed her back. "But it may be a while. Rusty, you know how I feel about the constant junk food."

"Oh, that one is on me." Emily admitted. "I really wanted a greasy cheeseburger. We stopped by that old cafe over by where your old office was. I've always loved that place. Sorry," she smiled sheepishly. "I just wrapped the show, so I'm still in my binge phase."

"I understand," Sharon stated, but before Rusty could protest, she continued, "let's try to keep it at a minimum with your sister, please?" By now they had more than drawn the curious looks of the others. Sharon realized that was not to be helped. "It seems that my oldest daughter has decided to surprise us with an early visit," she told the others. "Everyone, this is Emily." She went around the Murder Room, introducing those who were present. She came to Andy last, and realized that throughout the earlier exchange, he was watching with a smirk. There was just too much mischief in his eyes currently. Sharon reminded herself that she still needed to do something about his traitorous abandonment earlier that morning. His timing when it came to finally learning to appreciate _the rules_ was just too fortuitous to let pass. Oh yes, Sharon thought, she would deal with Flynn later.

The way her look went just a little bland as it passed over him told Andy that she hadn't forgotten his grand escape. He would watch his back. That one was evil. They didn't call her Darth Raydor without very good cause. He stood, as had the others, and offered a hand to Emily when she was introduced to him. "It's good to finally meet you," He said.

Emily's brow arched. "You too." She took the opportunity to get a good look at him, now that they were up close and personal. The picture hadn't really done him justice. At least her mother's tastes were improving, she thought. "We won't keep you," Emily turned away from him, but not without flashing a knowing smile. Her attention shifted back to her mother. "We just wanted to stop by and say hello on the way home. Let you know that I was here…" Her head inclined. "In case there was some confusion coming in the door later. I understand there were issues when Ricky got here last night."

There was an almost imperceptible narrowing of Sharon's eyes. "Indeed. Well, thank you for that. I don't know when I'll be home, but with any luck, I'll see you all for breakfast," the last was directed at Anna. "Okay?"

The little girl sighed. "Okay."

Sharon started to carry her to Rusty, but Emily held out her hands. "I'll take her. She and I have some catching up to do." Emily lifted her new little sister onto her hip and adjusted the strap of her purse on the opposite shoulder. "Don't worry, I'll keep the boys in line."

"Just try not to destroy the place." Sharon rolled her eyes at them. "We will talk later," she pointed a finger at Ricky.

"But I—" He just closed his mouth and shook his head. There was no use arguing. "You are evil," he told his sister instead.

"Yes I am." Emily smirked. "You'll think twice at waking me up at six in the morning, won't you?" She winked at Anna and started walking toward the exit. "Come on, I have so very much to teach you."

Rusty shook his head, he tossed a look at Lieutenant Provenza. "It's moments like this that I really miss my cubicle."

The Lieutenant chuckled. "It's moments like this that I really don't blame you." He pushed up from behind his desk and looked around the room. "Okay, alright, if we're all finished enjoying the farce that is the Captain's family, can we all get back to work? Should I remind you all that there is not a one of us that is getting any younger?" Now more than ever, with the way that they were behaving and the silent, not so secret looks that were passing between the Captain and Flynn, and then her children, he was more convinced than ever that something was going on there. He might have told his partner to pull his head out of his ass and _fix_ what he broke, he just didn't expect it to happen so quickly. Lovesick fools, he decided. He hoped they didn't manage to screw it up again, or screw it up worse. Good god but he felt a headache coming on, he was really getting too old for these antics.

Sharon followed them only so far as the edge of the Murder Room. She watched the four of them move down the hall until they were out of sight. Only then did she turn back. Her gaze swept the room. She took in the progress so far, and mentally made note of all they needed to do. Her people knew their jobs, however, and didn't need her to micro manage. With a nod, she strode back toward her office. Andy was leaning back in his chair, still grinning crookedly. "That includes you, Lieutenant," she stated, with the same no-nonsense tone that she used to reserve for his FID encounters. "I'd like a report on that financial statement within the hour." She paused beside him and checked her watch. "Actually, half an hour. I'd suggest you get to it."

Andy suppressed the urge to groan. He hated doing financials and she knew it. "Yes Captain." He turned back to his desk and lifted the statement again. He wondered briefly if he could get back at her for getting back at him, and could this really be counted as such? Probably not… at least, not that Sharon would ever admit. That could only mean that he was still in for it. Andy drummed his fingers against the surface of his desk. Just maybe he was looking forward to it…


	9. Chapter 9

Better or Worse

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it.

* * *

><p>Sharon was dragging by the time she finally got home. It was much later than she would have liked, well after when the kids would have had breakfast. She sighed quietly, it couldn't be helped. They had at least closed their case, or near enough. That was the reason for her tardiness. The break had come just as she was getting ready to send everyone home to get a little sleep before picking up again later in the morning. Now, they could at least spend the remainder of the day getting caught up on the rest that they'd lost. Tomorrow would bring an entirely new day, and without a doubt, a new case.<p>

She sighed as she put her key in the lock and turned it. The door opened and Sharon stepped into the condo. She had sent everyone home, including Andy. Her kids might know about them now, but she wasn't quite ready to blend those two parts of her life. He understood that, all too well. It was just still so new. She would rather work them into it slowly, at least where Anna was concerned. She didn't want to confuse the child.

It was the youngest member of her family that she was thinking of as she entered her home. Sharon smiled to see her laying in the floor in front of the sofa, humming while she colored. Emily was there as well. The two were on their stomachs, studiously filling in the lines of Anna's Princess Sofia coloring book. Sharon shrugged out of her jacket and dropped her keys by the door. "Well, don't you two look like you're having fun?" She still had her purse over her shoulder, and would be taking it to her room to lock up the gun before she got too comfortable. Sharon walked over and took a seat on the sofa, then quite happily slipped out of her heels. Her feet were beyond aching. She reached down to massage each one, but her gaze and her smile were on the girls.

"Yeah." Emily looked up and smiled. "It's been a while since I could just lay around and soak up the princess fun." She studied her mother closely. "You looked tired, mom."

"Hm." Sharon wasn't sure that tired really covered it. She was running on too little sleep as it was, coupled with the early wake up and the more than twenty-four hours she had gone without any sleep, she was beginning to feel her age. She smiled, however, to see Emily working to bridge the gap with her sister. It was well after ten and nearing eleven in the morning, closer to lunch than breakfast. Sharon leaned forward and rested her elbow on her knee and let her chin fall into her hand. "I suppose you've already had breakfast?"

"Yes." Anna glanced up for the first time. She dropped her crayon and stood up. She moved to stand in front of Sharon and frowned at her. "Where were you?"

She all but stomped her foot. There was a storm brewing in those blue eyes. Sharon almost chuckled, but knew better than to let that slip out. This was one unhappy little girl. "I'm sorry honey." Sharon slipped her purse off and reached for Anna. She drew the little girl forward and onto her lap. "I'm late, I know. I wanted to be here. Unfortunately I had to go and catch a very bad man, so he couldn't hurt anyone again." Sharon tipped Anna's chin up and smiled at her. "I'm here now." She wanted to sleep so badly it hurt. Instead, she curled her arms around the child. "Maybe instead of breakfast, we can do lunch."

Anna pouted at her. "What if you have to leave before lunch?" It was something she was beginning to notice. Sometimes the adults in her life went away when she wanted them to be with her. Not just her momma who was with the angels, or her daddy who had to go away and hadn't come back, but all of them.

"Then I will try to come back for dinner." Sharon remembered all too well how this conversation went. She glanced at Emily and her eyes softened at the memory. Her attention was immediately back on Anna however. "Sometimes, I'll have to be at work, honey. I'm going to miss breakfast, and lunch, and sometimes I'll miss dinner too. I'm going to have to leave in the middle of the night, and I might not be here when you get up in the morning. Here's the thing," she met Anna's gaze. "I will always _try_ to be there when you need me to be, and no matter what, I will make sure that someone is _always_ taking care of you."

Her big blue eyes were swimming in tears. Anna ducked her head. She looked up again through thick, dark lashes. People went away, and they didn't come back. She didn't understand it all. In a voice that was small and halting, she asked the singularly important question on her mind. "Promise?"

She had too much loss at such a young age. Sharon held her close and lay her cheek against the top of her head. "Promise," she murmured softly. It seemed odd now, to feel disconnected to this child with just how quickly she was creeping into her heart. "I know you're worried," she said quietly. "This family might change, sweetheart, but you will always have one. Okay?"

"Okay." Anna tucked her body just as close as she could. "I missed you."

"I know." She stroked her hair and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm here right now. Do you want to help me make lunch?" Sharon felt Anna nod and smiled. "Good. First I'm going to go and take a shower, and then you and I will have a date in the kitchen."

"Okay," Anna said again. She sat there for a few more moments, but then wiggled down. She picked up her doll and held it under one arm as she sat down to start coloring again.

Sharon drew her purse onto her shoulder again as she stood. "Do you mind keeping an eye on her for a few more minutes?"

"We're good." Emily had the pink crayon back in her hand. She looked up at her mother and smiled. She would have liked to be jealous, but the frightened little voice reminded her of just how much that little girl had lost. She marveled instead, that her mother could do this, could take on this responsibility that wasn't even hers. For her, this little girl she didn't know was family. To her mother… she was just another reminder of her father's many and varied missteps. "We've got a princess to color."

"Thank you, honey." Sharon looked around and tilted her head. "Where are your brothers?"

"Rusty had class," Emily explained. "I told him I'd keep an eye on the little sis today. She wasn't feeling the whole preschool thing this morning, if you get my drift…" Too disappointed and upset that their mother hadn't been there when she got up. "We didn't think it would hurt to keep her home today, it's Friday. Rick is… hiding from you, I think." Her eyes glittered. "He's back in Rusty's room, planted in front of a game of some sort I think. We were being entirely too girly for him."

"Hmm…" Sharon arched a brow. "I agree, it didn't hurt to keep her home today. Thank you for that. Okay." She bent and lifted her heels. "I'll be back in a little while." She wanted to get through the shower and lunch as quickly as possible, before she fell asleep on her feet, or reached that point that she couldn't sleep due to being entirely too tired.

Sharon made her way down the hall and stepped into her bedroom. She stored her gun in the lockbox that went back into the top of her closet and then she took out a comfortable pair of yoga pants and a soft, red sweater. She lay the items on her bed before she left the room again. This time it was to walk down the hall and knock quietly on Rusty's bedroom door. She waited for the summons before she pushed the door open.

She poked her head in the door and scanned the room. She found him at Rusty's desk, his laptop open in front of him. "Richard."

Just the tone of her voice had his head turning quickly. Ricky winced. "It's important that you know they completely exaggerated the entire thing."

Her brow arched. Sharon stepped fully into the room. "Yes, that I gathered." She folded her arms across her chest. "The thing is, Anna is only three, almost four, but still. She doesn't always understand the finer nuances of your sense of humor, and I would like for you to keep that in mind in the future." She smiled at him, to soften the chastisement a bit. "Ricky, honey, I get it. It's all been an adjustment. None of us are used to having a child this small around. You aren't the only one I'll be having this conversation with. I know you were teasing, but just remember to be a little more mindful in the future. Please?"

"Yeah, okay." Ricky leaned back in the chair and smiled, just a bit sheepishly. "We'll try to remember that."

"Good." Sharon tilted her head at him. "Also, calling your sister in to help you do, whatever it is you have planned, after what you witnessed the other morning… not a good move," she said at length. "I am willing to let it go but only because it got her here a few days earlier. If you do not shut down whatever it is that you are plotting, I will rethink that. Are we understood?"

Her eyes narrowed at him and he knew that she meant it. Ricky sighed. "Oh alright. Way to spoil the fun, mom. Seriously."

Sharon laughed to see her grown son pouting. "It is part of the job description." She turned. "I appreciate you coming down to help out, though. Big points for that." At the door, she looked back, a warm smile having replaced the sterner expression. "Did Rusty mention we had plans this weekend?"

"Yeah he did…" Ricky's brows lifted. "That whole Disneyland thing with the boyfriend and his kids." His dark eyes glittered. "Guess it's serious then, huh?" He held up his hands when her smile started to falter. "Okay, sorry. You knew I had to get _some_ mileage out of it."

Because she was so incredibly tired, Sharon decided to let it go. "Yes, the Disneyland thing," she said instead. "Rusty wasn't going to go, but perhaps if you and Emily join him, he might feel more inclined. Then he won't feel obligated to stay with people he doesn't really know all day. I would appreciate it if you would talk it over with your sister and get back to me. It would be my treat."

Ricky understood why she was asking, and why it meant so much to her. The kid really hadn't had a whole lot in the way of normal childhood experiences. "No problem," he nodded. If it would help make up for how he acted when he first heard about the adoption thing, he'd be glad to do it. "In fact, don't worry about it, mom. It'll be my treat. An early Christmas present for the little brother."

There was her sweet, wonderful boy. "Thank you, honey. That would be wonderful." She pushed through the door. "Lunch in a little while, we'll call you."

He frowned. "You should get some sleep, mom. You've been going for over twenty-four hours. Emmy and I can take care of lunch."

"I promised Anna that we would do it. It's okay. I'll sleep soon." She pulled the door closed behind her and sighed. Her shoulders ached, but she didn't let them slump. Sharon returned to her room and started the shower while she slipped out of her clothes. Soon steam was filling the room and fogging up the glass that encased the shower.

Afterward, she felt better. It would be wonderful to crawl into her bed and sleep for a few hours, but she no longer felt as though she were moving through mud. Sharon dried her hair, but allowed it to curl rather than straightening it. After she was dressed, she found her way back out to join the others. By that point, Emily and Anna had moved on to other activities. She could hear the music playing before she even reached the living room. Sharon laughed out loud when she stepped out of the hall.

Loud, happy pop music was rolling out of the speakers and the girls were bouncing around the living room. She couldn't call it dancing, not with how uncoordinated it was. No one would ever know from seeing her that Emily was a professional dancer, and a very good one at that. Sharon pressed the back of her hand against her mouth and giggled again at Anna trying to follow her movements.

She shook her head and skirted around them to the kitchen. Sharon filled the kettle and put it on the stove to heat. While she waited, she continued to watch the girls. All too soon, they spotted her, and Emily reached over to lower the music. "Don't stop on my account."

"Nah." Emily walked over to drop onto a stool at the bar. "I'm whipped. She whooped me. I was beaten by a three year old. I want some of that energy."

"You and me both," Sharon chuckled. She watched Anna continue to twirl and bounce and laughed again. "That should help with nap time." She pulled two mugs down and a box of tea bags. "It doesn't seem like all that long ago that you were twirling around with that much energy."

"Oh yes," Emily grinned. "Only about a week ago." She laughed and leaned forward against the bar, weight on her elbows. Her smile slowly faltered. "So he did it again, huh?" She glanced at Anna and gave her mother a sad smile. "Dad, I mean."

"Hm." Sharon sighed quietly. "I stopped trying to understand your father a long time ago, honey. I can't even begin to guess what he was thinking this time. I like to think it will be better. That he'll either stay gone or he'll be less absent. Experience isn't exactly on his side though, is it?" Her heart ached for all three of them, the children abandoned by Jack Raydor. He came and went, and was out of their lives more than he was in it. She would never stop hoping that he would be a better father.

"No, it kind of isn't." Emily rested her chin in her hand and watched her mother. "Why did you do it? You never really told me that, mom. You've dodged the question every time that I asked. You said you were doing it for Anna, but why?"

"That's a question that I've asked myself a thousand times." Sharon lifted the kettle when it began to whistle. She poured the steaming water into their mugs set it back on the stove. "Sometimes I think that I should have convinced him to give her up for adoption," she spoke quietly so that Anna wouldn't overhear her. "Remove the heartache completely. Somehow it didn't really seem fair." Sharon wrapped the string of the tea bag around her finger and drew it slowly up and down. She watched the liquid slowly turning darker. "It wasn't fair to her or to you and Ricky."

"What about what's fair to you?" Emily did much the same with her tea, but her gaze hardly left her mother. "Ricky and I wouldn't have even known unless you told us. Anna wouldn't have known the difference."

"I know." Sharon shrugged. "The thing is, she's still family. Besides, I didn't want her to one day have to question why her real family didn't want her. That's what it would have boiled down to, Emily. I couldn't be that selfish. She's barely more than a baby. At least with us, while she's with strangers, she's with strangers that are family."

Emily's eyes sparkled. "Even if that means she's with the evil stepmother?"

"Ah ah!" Sharon grinned. "That adoption is final, I am the evil new mother." She lifted her tea in both hands and sipped slowly. "It has a less harmonious ring to it, but it is what it is." She leaned her hip against the counter. "I'm sorry baby, I wish I could make it better or different."

"No." Emily smiled warmly at her. "You are not responsible for dad's mistakes and bad behavior. I think you've done enough. He is the only person responsible for that. Sooner or later he'll have to learn to take responsibility for it all. You can't do it for him."

"Hm." Sharon walked around the bar and wrapped an arm around her daughter. "I am so glad that you're here," she said. "I missed you." She bent, and lay her head against her daughter's.

"Me too." Emily leaned into her and curled an arm around her waist. "Love you."

"More than you know," Sharon replied, while cupping her chin. "Now, we should do something about lunch. Anna," she called out to get the girl's attention. "Let's get started honey." When the little girl joined her, Sharon took her back into the kitchen and sat her on the counter. She found it no surprise at all when Anna announced that she wanted spaghetti for lunch.

Sharon decided to indulge the request. As she pulled out cans of sauce, she smirked. She would save leftovers for Andy. Feeding him the dreaded canned sauce would be a suitable enough punishment for having abandoned her with the boys, she decided. Later, she would get Anna to lay down with her for a nap, and then maybe they'd both feel better about having missed breakfast.

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

Sharon held to her plan to not tell Anna about their Disneyland plans until the morning of. When the day arrived and there was nothing to prevent their plans from moving ahead, she was glad that she had. There was simply no comparison to the look on Anna's face when they arrived at the entrance to the park and explained where they were going.

Andy picked them up early and the three of them went to breakfast together. Sharon's older children had other plans. Ricky and Emily had something of a ritual about going to the theme park, and they were sharing it with Rusty. The three adult children would spend the day together. They were doing it as a bonding experience. Sharon couldn't have been prouder of them for that, as well as the fact that they were letting her focus the day on Anna. It was so very sweet of them.

They met Nicole and her family just inside the entrance to the park. As they walked along main street, Sharon explained that her older children might be joining them throughout the day, but would be exploring on their own. For her part, Anna was just too excited by her surroundings to be shy around the new adults. She wanted to see everything at once, and Nicole's boys were much the same. Containing the energy of the three children was going to be the challenge of the day, it seemed. Soon, the three of them were lost in a conversation much too rapid for the adults to really follow, and acting as though they'd always known each other.

By noon, Andy wasn't entirely sure that the kids weren't running completely on adrenaline and not entirely human. Little robots sent from the future, perhaps, to remind him just how old he was getting. He was enjoying the boys, but it was a little odd, playing the role of the doting grandfather while holding the hand of a woman who was there with her daughter - even if she was adopted. He got over that pretty quickly, and chose to just enjoy it. It happened, quite possibly, the first time that Sharon turned her face into his shoulder to laugh while Anna bounced around in absolute childlike rapture.

Glimpses, he realized that was all that he really had of her before, in this role as mother that came so naturally that it was hard to believe that this child was not hers and that until only just a few weeks before she had been holding herself back. The moments he witnessed before, with Rusty or with Ricky were limited, fleeting. Only a glimpse of the woman that resided beneath the mask she wore in front of so many others.

It was a mild day, and she had worn jeans and a thin, sheer knit top of pale green over a matching camisole. It was more than just the way that it set off the color of her eyes, but the way in which the pale colors set off the happy glow and flush of her cheeks. He watched Anna run toward her after having her picture taken with some… character he wasn't familiar with, a princess of some kind. Andy laughed when she launched herself at Sharon and placed a hand against the small of back as she caught Anna, to keep her from being knocked back.

Anna was talking a mile a minute and he could only understand every third word. Andy just shook his head, while quietly smiling at her enthusiasm. He didn't imagine that Sharon understood her any better, but she said _Really_ and _Isn__'__t that nice? _And then she hummed, all of them canned responses, but her enjoyment was real. She only held Anna for a moment before the little girl was ready to be on her feet again. Then she was pulling Sharon through the crowd again. Andy followed at a more sedate pace. He caught sight of Nicole and Jake, over the heads of a few other people and gestured with his head that he was following the two. They all stayed together, more or less, throughout the day. Even the children had their own interests, and the boys might be interested in ballet, but they were definitely not interested in princesses.

Nicole nodded in return as she watched him stroll along behind Sharon and her daughter at a more sedate pace. Something had changed there, since the last time she spoke to her father about it. It wasn't overt, but there were subtle differences. The way they looked at one another, the arm that settled casually around her waist or the hand that rested against her hip instead of the small of her back. She wasn't the only one who had noticed it. She shared a look with Jake as her father moved off and smirked.

"Guess it's not so up in the air after all," he said with a grin.

"Doesn't look like it." Nicole took Michael's hand while he lifted Tommy onto his shoulders. They shared a look and Nicole laughed. "So I guess now there's no denying… Dad's got a girlfriend."

"Not this time," Jake agreed. "Not that we ever really bought that."

Nicole smirked. "Nope."

When they sat down for lunch later that afternoon Rusty, Emily, and Ricky joined them. They gathered at an outdoor table of one of the park restaurants, and after the introductions were made, Rusty bestowed on Anna the very large Grumpy the Dwarf stuffed toy that he was carrying. It was almost as big as she was. He smirked happily as he set it beside her. "There, now you have your very own," he stated.

It took only a single glance for Sharon and Andy to figure out the significance of the item. A bucket hat had replaced the regular costume piece atop its head. It was pale blue with an embroidering of mouse ears, but it was a bucket hat just the same. Coupled with that, Rusty had placed a name tag sticker on it. _Lieutenant Provenza_ was scrawled neatly in thick, black marker.

"Oh Rusty." Sharon shook her head and laughed quietly.

"What?" He was a mask of complete innocence. "It's perfect!"

"I think I agree." Andy leaned over the table with his phone to get a picture of it, and then another of Anna hugging it tightly. "You're carrying it around all day, kid," he decided. "I'm going to blow this up and put it on the Murder Board Monday," he told Sharon with a grin.

Sharon groaned quietly at the reaction she could see following that. "Just remember, my headache is _your _headache."

Her very pointed look had the kids snickering, including Nicole, and was enough to give Andy pause. His head inclined while he weighed that consequence. "Nah," he shook his head a moment later. "It's worth it."

A brow arched and she leaned closer to him. Her chin found its way into her hand. "I'm going to remind you that you said that," Sharon said in a low voice.

"You go right ahead sweetheart." He dropped a quick, nearly chaste kiss to her lips before he leaned back and grinned at his phone. "Actually, I'm sending that to Buzz and Tao right now. They'll take care of it..."

Sharon groaned and rolled her eyes at him. "You are horrible."

"Hey," Andy continued to smirk as he sent the text. "Your kid started it. Can I be blamed for appreciating a decent sense of humor."

"Oh..." Her eyes narrowed. "So then, it is _my kid__'__s_ fault that you obtain sick pleasure from tormenting your partner?"

Her voice dipped. It took on the slightly dangerous edge that warned he was getting perilously close to thin ice. Andy glanced up. He looked at her over the edge of his phone. "There is absolutely no way that I can answer this that doesn't get me in trouble, is there?"

Sharon slowly shook her head at him. "No," she said at length. "There really is not, _Lieutenant_."

Jake Dyer might not know the woman well, but he knew that tone. "Danger," he muttered to his father-in-law, "danger, abandon ship."

"Too late," Andy decided. "I'm trapped. Going down with that ship..."

"Oh!" Even Ricky winced. "You probably could have chosen better wording."

"The hole is getting deeper dad," Nicole laughed. "I'd stop now."

His lips pursed. Andy looked at Sharon, his gaze just as steady. Finally he arched a brow and leaned toward her. He whispered something that the others couldn't hear, and then pressed a kiss against the corner of her mouth.

Sharon looked away, but a smile started to curve her lips. "We'll see.." Was all she said in response.

"I don't want to know," Emily decided.

The entire exchange was lost on Anna, however, who simply cast a curious look at Sharon. "Why are you mad at Andy?"

Sharon's eyes were sparkling as she turned and bestowed a warm smile on the child. "Because he was very naughty," she said, in the softer tone she usually reserved for the child.

"Oh." Anna's eyes got wide. She glanced at him briefly before she continued. "Does he need a timeout?"

"Hm." Sharon leaned down so that her face was closer to Anna's. "You know," she said, liking the idea immensely, "I think he might." The others were laughing, but she kept her gaze and tone serious.

"Then he can think about what he did," Anna stated seriously and nodded. "And how he should improve his behavior the next time."

Sharon's lips trembled with the effort to suppress her smile. "That's exactly right, honey." Her voice trembled with barely contained laughter.

"I promise to do better next time," Andy drawled. "I won't get caught…"

With a snort, Sharon lost the battle with her laughter and started to giggle. "You always get caught. The harder you try, the bigger the mess!" She knew him only too well and had cleaned up some of those messes in the past.

Before her father could reply and make his hole even deeper, Nicole leaned forward in her seat. "What are everyone's plans for the holiday? Sharon, you mentioned last year that you normally spend it in Utah, skiing? Will you be going this year?"

"No." Sharon leaned back in her seat and reached out to run a hand over Anna's hair. The girl was in love with the stuffed toy that Rusty had brought her, even more now that he'd told her what the name tag said. "We'll be staying in the city. It's Anna's first Christmas with us and my family can be pretty raucous. I don't want to overwhelm her." It would also be the child's first Christmas without her mother. Sharon wasn't sure that Anna would be able to make the connection this year, she was still so very young, but in the event that she did… it was better to keep her insulated with those she knew best. "Emily and Ricky will be here until just after, so it will be the five of us. What about you?"

"We're actually driving north this year," She replied. "Jake's parents live just outside of San Francisco, and we're taking the boys up to see them."

"My dad teaches at Berkeley," Jake explained. "Normally they come down so we don't have to travel with the boys, but mom had knee surgery a few weeks ago. This year we're going to them."

"That will be fun," Sharon nodded. "It's beautiful up there during the holidays."

"Mom went to Berkeley," Ricky stated, "she's a big fan of the area."

"Says the Stanford boy," Emily made a face at him. "Traitor."

"They had the better computer science program," Ricky said, defending his choice. He pointed a finger at his sister. "Hey, mom told me to do what made me happy. At least _I_ didn't break her heart by moving to the other side of the _continent_."

Emily's brow arched. "_No_," she drawled, sounding very much like her mother. "Instead, you chose the school with the most frat parties, and _I_ did not break her heart, little brother. I followed my dreams, not a beer keg."

Anna frowned. "What's a beer keg?"

"Okay!" Sharon decided it was time to put an end to that conversation. "Now that you're all here, let's get something to eat and figure out what we're doing next."

"We're going to find Cinderella!" Anna bounced in her seat.

"But first," Emily leaned toward her. "You and I have a date with the awesome teacups!"

"Yeah!" Anna cheered loudly.

After lunch, the group disbanded again. Rusty and Ricky had specific attractions that they wanted to see, and Emily would be finding them later. She and Anna had a few plans that she intended to keep. They went in search of the magic teacups, and took the long way around to find them while their lunch settled.

While Emily took Anna and stood in line, Sharon and Andy moved to a bench with a view and sat while they waited. Nicole and Jake had taken their boys to check out Tomorrow Land. Spaceships were always a big winner with little boys, as Sharon recalled. Andy slipped an arm across the back of the bench, and turned his face into Sharon's hair for just a moment as she settled into his side.

"This all makes me feel so old," he said quietly.

She glanced up at him and found his dark eyes twinkling at her. "I know the feeling." Sharon shook her head. "She could be Emily's daughter, so easily."

Andy started to laugh. His hand played with the ends of her hair. "If anyone ever finds out how many times we've heard someone tell us that our granddaughter is so beautiful today, we'll never hear the end of it."

"Best we keep that one to ourselves," she slanted a look at him again and laughed. "Although it might have something to do with the fact that Nicole has taught the boys to call you granddad."

"Yeah." He couldn't feel bad about that. Hell if it made him feel old, but his heart swelled a bit at the same time. "Provenza was a grandfather thirty years ago, so I'll take it." He smirked.

Sharon snorted at the exaggeration. Her hand found his thigh and she gave it a gentle pat. "You keep reminding yourself that." Her head tilted and she smiled up at him. "With Nicole out of town, what are you planning to do for Christmas?" Her brows lifted speculatively. "If we don't end up working, of course."

"Of course." He smiled. That was always a possibility. "I don't know, probably what I normally do when I don't see the kids. Find a football game or something on TV, call my sister. I'll spend the day at home, it'll be okay."

"Hm." She hummed quietly while she thought of that. Sharon looked away for a moment. "You know, you could join us for dinner if you like…" She drew her bottom lip between her teeth before looking up at him again.

He leaned down and brushed a soft kiss across her mouth. "You don't have to do that. Enjoy your holiday with your kids," he rumbled. "I'll be okay, Sharon."

"I know that," she said. "But maybe I want you there too." Sharon turned into him and lay a hand against his chest. "If you really hate the idea, that's okay. I just don't want you to be alone, and I really would like it if you joined us."

He took her hand and drew it to his mouth. "Then I'd love to." Andy leaned down and kissed her again, and mindful of their surroundings, he kept it brief. They settled back a moment later and let their gaze return to the ride across the way, and watched her daughters as they enjoyed the day and the moment.

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

"I've got her." Andy drew a sleeping Anna out of her carseat and lifted her into his arms. It was late when they got home, at least for a child her age. It was nearing ten at night when he parked Sharon's car alongside his in the parking garage of her building. Anna was very much awake when they left the park, and chattering both of their ears off. Five minutes later, she was sound asleep in her seat, still hugging the Grumpy stuffy that Rusty had gotten her.

Sharon shook her head as she drew a bag of other goodies out of the car, along with her purse and rounded it to join him. They'd bought other mementos at the park, but Grumpy was by far her favorite. "Let's get her into bed, and then I think I want to find a corner and collapse in it."

Andy chuckled quietly. Anna was absolute dead weight in his arms as they made their way inside and to the elevator. She hardly moved at all, even as Sharon juggled her purse and the child's bag to find her keys and let them into the condo. When they finally made it inside, Andy carried Anna to her room with Sharon behind him. They got her settled, and then retreated to the living room.

The sofa was just too comfortable to resist. Andy dropped onto it and leaned back with a groan. His back was killing him. He let his head fall against the back of the sofa. "I may never move again."

"Hm." Sharon joined him. She peeled out of her shoes and drew her legs beneath her as she sank onto the sofa beside him. "I don't know how they do it," she said. Her older three had decided to go out after leaving the park. From the sound of their plans, she didn't expect to see them again before morning. "Even my hair is aching at this point." It had been worth it though, the day had gone splendidly.

"They're young." Andy reached over blindly and pulled her against him. When her head settled against his shoulder, he reached up and began to gently massage her scalp. "Wake them up early," he said with a grunt.

"I'm thinking about it." She wouldn't, of course, but it did sound good. Sharon draped an arm across his middle and lay her legs across his lap. She snuggled into his side with a quiet hum. "That's good," she said, of the fingers gently rubbing her scalp.

"Yeah." Andy toed out of his shoes and drew her more comfortably against him as he leaned sideways. They'd rest a minute, he thought, and then he'd tuck her into bed before he left for the night. His legs stretched out along the sofa and he sighed gratefully as his body relaxed into the sofa. He tugged one of the throw pillows beneath his head and leaned back again.

"Hm." Sharon tucked her face into his neck and settled comfortably against his chest. "Five minutes," she muttered. "Then we have to move."

"Five minutes," he agreed. With her gentle weight tucked against him, and her body stretched out along his, Andy reached up and resumed the massage of her scalp. Slowly his fingers worked their way down to her neck. "Better make it ten," he decided when she moaned quietly.

"Not a second more," she said.

They were still laying there when Rusty, Emily, and Ricky stumbled home at around two in the morning. "Shh!" Emily shushed the two boys the moment that she spotted the sleeping forms on the sofa. "Keep it down."

They crept quietly through the room to the hall. They decided it was the better part of valor to let them keep sleeping. Rusty pulled the soft throw off the back of one of the arm chairs in the living room and passed it to Emily, who was closest. "She gets cold," he said.

Emily nodded quietly and shook it out. She draped it over the pair and then joined the boys. The three of them left a lamp on in the outer room, but made sure all the locks were secured. Rusty peeked in on Anna, and since the couch was taken, Emily crashed out on the extra camp bed in Rusty's room with the boys. It wouldn't be a hardship, for just the one night.

It was nearing dawn before either of them stirred. Andy stretched and winced as his back protested having lay in the same spot all night. The weight holding him down drew his attention, however, and his face softened at the cause for it. So it seemed their ten minutes and gone overtime. Andy reached up and stroked her back slowly. A blanket he couldn't recall having had also appeared and was draped over them. One of her kids, he figured.

"Sharon," he called her name quietly. She stirred slowly and he turned his face into her hair, lips gentle against the top of her head. "Come on, let's put you in your own bed. It's a hell of a lot more comfortable than your couch."

"Mmhm." Her lashes fluttered, but didn't open. "Comfortable right here," she muttered, and burrowed into his side and the warmth of his body.

"Yeah, I know…" His hand swept her hair back from her face. He was tempted to go right back to sleep, but he'd pay for it later with an even stiffer back. "Come on," Andy sat up slowly, and smiled when she did the same. Her eyes blinked open and she gave him a sleepy smile.

"So much for that ten minutes." Sharon swept her hair back and smiled. She untangled herself from him and glanced at her watch. It was still very early. After a moment's consideration, Sharon held out a hand. They were both tired, and still half asleep. She wouldn't send him home in that state. She drew him with her down the hall, and checked on Anna before joining him in her room.

They changed quietly, and quickly. Andy down to his boxers while Sharon slipped into an old, comfortable t-shirt and a pair of shorts. The bed was far more comfortable than the couch had been; she pulled his arm around her and pressed back against him when he drew her against his chest. Sharon set her alarm and they both resolved that he'd be up and gone before any of her four kids stirred the next morning.

One day soon, Sharon thought, she'd be able to stop sneaking him out the front door. The subterfuge would no longer be necessary, and gladly so. She could get used to falling asleep with him wrapped around her, and it would be nice to not worry about how long, or little, they had to enjoy it.


	10. Chapter 10

Better or Worse

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it.

* * *

><p>The sound of her doorbell ringing at a quarter to noon on Christmas Day took Sharon by surprise. As she pulled it open, her puzzled look turned to one of surprise. "You're early." Andy was standing in front of her in a casual white button down and a pair of jeans. She was still in a large, comfortable sweater and a pair of leggings, with her hair pulled back and curling wildly. She hadn't expected him until later in the day… or she might have actually put on makeup.<p>

Andy grinned crookedly at her and stepped forward. "You're cute." He dropped a kiss on the top of her nose and edged past her into the apartment. "I'm not here for you."

"Oh." The puzzled expression was back. Sharon turned at her door and let it close behind her. "Then, no offense, why are you here?"

"He's here for me." Rusty looked up from where he was seated on the floor in front of a pink and blue racetrack. They made hot wheels for girls, who knew? He remembered loving these things as a kid, not that he ever had many toys growing up, but the hot wheels stuck out in his head as a big winner. When he spotted it while doing his Christmas shopping, he'd gotten it for Anna. She had of course insisted on him playing with her. He didn't mind.

With his hands in his pockets, Andy wandered closer to where the kids were playing, in the large open area between the balcony and the living room, where the tree had been set up. His head tilted and he chuckled quietly. "Rusty, that's an interesting outfit you've got there."

"Hey, don't knock it." There was a plastic tiara on his head and bright pink and purple plastic beaded necklaces around his neck. "I make this look good." Rusty stood up and smoothed down his jeans. "Anna, I've got to go. But I'll be back in a little while, okay?" As he spoke, he took off the tiara and placed it beside her, since she was already wearing one of her own. The necklaces he dropped around her neck.

"Okay," Anna sighed, and pouted just a bit. It didn't last long, however. She looked up at Andy and smiled. "Hi."

"Hi sweetheart," He smiled down at her. "I promise to bring princess Rusty back soon," he told her. "I've got to borrow him for a little while. Can you keep an eye on things around here?"

Her head tilted and her lips pursed while she thought about it. "Yup!" She gave a large nod, and almost topped her tiara.

"Good." Andy said. "You're in charge."

Rusty retrieved his hoodie and stopped beside Sharon. "The Lieutenant is taking me to see my mom," he explained quietly. "I wasn't sure I was going to go, and then I changed my mind." He paused for a moment and shifted uncomfortably where he stood. "That's okay, right?" He hadn't seen much of his mother since the adoption was final. She wasn't taking it well. It didn't help that Sharon had imposed the year long sentence on her, so it was all kind of unpleasant. Rusty was hoping she would come to terms with everything soon. Especially before she screwed it up and had to serve out the whole sentence.

"Of course." Sharon lay a hand on his arm. "Rusty, I was really more surprised that you hadn't said anything about seeing her before now. I just didn't want to push. I know you're in an awkward position." She wanted to pull him to her, but there was still only so much physical affection that he would allow. "I'll never stop you from seeing your mother, unless it poses a threat to you somehow."

"I know." Rusty pushed his hands into his pockets. "It's just… it's the holiday, and it's the first time you've had us all here together. I didn't want to make it weird. So I changed my mind and I wasn't going to go… and then I thought I should, but it was the holiday…" Rusty shrugged. "I almost couldn't, I waited too long to get my name on the list for the day, but I guess the Lieutenants made a couple of calls and got me in."

"Which is why he is with me." Andy joined them. "Provenza is with the family today," his kids and grandkids were convening at Liz's house. They had only just closed a case the previous day. It had looked very much like everyone's Christmas plans would be cancelled. Those who had been traveling had scrambled to make that happen at the last minute. Barring any serious emergencies or cases that couldn't be handled by Robbery-homicide, they'd earned the holiday off. They could still be called in, but Taylor was practically dancing at the chance to have them out of his budget until the New Year. Overtime _and_ holiday pay was expensive when coupled with their regular salaries.

Sharon's brow arched. "You pulled strings to get Rusty in to see his mother today?"

"Provenza did," Andy admitted with a grin. "I'm just the official police escort." He shrugged, dipped his head when she continued to stare at him. "We made a couple of calls, cashed in a couple of favors. It wasn't a big deal."

"Hm." She hummed quietly. There was more she might have said, but not in front of the kids. Instead, she chose to be silently touched by it. "Well I'm glad. Thank you for that." Rusty was still not comfortable coming to her about his mother, but at least he had the others. She appreciated that he didn't like putting her in the middle of that relationship.

"We'd better get going," Andy told the kid. "I'll have him back soon," he said to Sharon. He pointed at her and smirked. "You behave now. I know what you're like when you're left unattended. Anna will tell me if you've been naughty."

Her eyes narrowed playfully. "You think so?" Sharon walked with them as far as the door. "Andy, you could be underestimating your powers of persuasion if you think my daughter is going to give me up."

He smirked as he leaned in to kiss her. "Never underestimate the power of a princess doll," he said.

"Oh no." Sharon's eyes widened. "What did you do?"

"Who? Me?" He held his hands up and backed out of the apartment. "I didn't do anything. I just think something got dropped off at my house by mistake, that's all." Andy winked and caught the door, pulling it closed between them.

Sharon groaned. "Oh god." It was the twinkle in his eyes that gave it away. He'd done something. She turned and walked back toward her kitchen. He was going to end up spoiling that child. It would be a tossup between him and Rusty as to who would spoil her the most. Sharon spotted the dollhouse that was now taking up a corner of her living room and sighed. No, perhaps it would be a tossup between them and Emily. While she stood in the kitchen, cutting the crust off of Anna's sandwiches, she let her gaze circle the living room. The small purple bike that Ricky had gotten her was still over beside the tree. Perhaps they were all going to be guilty of it.

Hours later, Sharon stood on her balcony while she enjoyed the coolness of the evening. The sun had already sank beyond the horizon, but the sky was still colored in hues of scarlet and violet. She loved this view, the way the lights of the city began to sparkle as the day faded. Arms circled her from behind, where she stood against the balcony rail, and a smile slowly curved her lips as she was drawn backward. Her grown children had chased her out of her kitchen to put the finishing touches on dinner. Beyond the glass doors, if she looked inside, she would see Emily and Ricky moving around her kitchen while Rusty set the table.

He had been quiet when he returned a few hours before, but Rusty was always a little subdued after a visit with his mother. He would talk about it when he was ready, and she knew that would probably not come in front of Ricky and Emily. There were some things he wasn't ready to share with his siblings, who were still largely strangers to him. They were bonding, but with Rusty it was a process. Someday he would be ready. She wasn't going to rush him, and thankfully, she knew that the older two wouldn't either.

The lips that were brushing the curve of her jaw had her thoughts turning away from Rusty, however. She sighed softly and leaned back in his embrace. He had dropped Rusty off earlier, only to return a few hours later for dinner. He had definitely managed to find a princess doll for Anna that had her squealing in delight the moment she opened it. The life-size Princess Sofia was currently her favorite toy.

Sharon turned in his arms and slipped her own around his middle. "You called in favors to take Rusty to see his mother." It wasn't a question. She watched the sheepish look spread across his face and leaned up to kiss the tip of his chin. "Thank you."

"It wasn't a big deal." Andy shrugged, but his hands slid up her back. "The kid wanted to see her, it wasn't a hard request to fill. We do what we can." He reached up and caught a lock of hair as it blew across her face and tucked it behind her ear. She had tamed the curls since he saw her earlier in the afternoon. It now fell in soft waves around her shoulders. The oversized sweater was replaced by a fitted blouse and a pair of jeans. As his hand dropped again, he tugged at her collar. "Have I mentioned that I really like this color on you?" It was deep, vibrant crimson.

"Hm." She hummed quietly. "I think you might have, once or twice." Sharon arched a brow at him. "Andy," she drew his attention back to her and away from the blouse. "It wasn't that simple, and you gave up part of your day to do it. It was very thoughtful of you."

He sighed. "Sharon, it wasn't even my idea, alright? The kid went to Provenza and he had plans today. Besides, it's Christmas. The kid wanted to see his mom, so he saw her. Simple." He was glad that she was touched by it, but that wasn't the reason he had done it. "I did it for the kid, Sharon. I didn't do it for you."

"I know." Her smile warmed. She slid a hand behind his head and tugged him down. "That's why it means so much." She found her lips with his, and let the kiss linger gently, but was mindful of where they were and who could see them. Sharon smiled against his mouth and let her eyes open. Her thumb stroked the strong line of his jaw. "I love you."

It was spoken so quietly he almost didn't hear it. It might have been a trick of the breeze, but there was a softness to her eyes, an emotion he'd seen before that she was only now giving voice to. His hands moved into the thick curtain of her hair. He tipped her head back and studied her face. There was a gentle curving to her lips, and a light flush that was coloring her cheeks. Andy lowered his head and let his lips gently brush hers. "I love you."

She hummed quietly against his lips. "Yes." He had shown her in only a thousand different ways. Even before they had taken the final step toward a relationship. It was all still so very complicated, with their jobs and her family. He was pushing his way into her life, in that way of his. To the others he seemed to be so quietly accepting of everything, It had come down to a choice, however, a decision of whether or not he wanted her and how he was going to make that happen. Sharon leaned back and let her hands slide down his shoulders, to finally rest against his chest. "That's why I filed the paperwork before we packed up yesterday. When we go back things may be a little different. Someone else will handle your reviews." It was more than just following the rules, which was why she had held off for the last few weeks. She wanted them to be sure about this, and while it was still very early, it seemed as though they were. He wasn't a temporary fixture in her life. However this relationship continued to evolve, it would continue.

"You told Taylor." His brows lifted in response. "You didn't let me see the look on his face." Andy pouted playfully at that. "I wanted to rub it in a little."

"I know." Sharon smiled up at him. "You'll get your chance soon enough, I'm sure. Just keep in mind, if you get in trouble, I can't get you out of it. Don't worry, he took it well. He was a real trooper." Her lips pursed. "After he stopped laughing and realized that I wasn't joking."

"What's so funny about it?" Andy scowled. "Really, why do people keep thinking that I—"

Her hands moved up and down his chest, stroking gently before he could get too worked up. "It's not about you, Andy, believe me." Her eyes sparkled, and she shrugged. "I'm sure we can expect there to be plenty of sympathy tossed your way. Darth Raydor, remember?"

That only made him roll his eyes. "Yeah well, I dare 'em to say it. I still have some pull down in FID. That Elliot kid still worships you. I could still get out of trouble, I bet."

The crooked, smug grin made her laugh. "Oh, I'm sure you probably could. Let's not tempt fate anyway." Sharon leaned into him and let her arms slide around his waist again. "I just thought you should know, now that the biggest gossip in the LAPD has been informed."

"No kidding." Andy snorted. His fingers laced together behind her back. He dipped his head and kissed her again. "So does that mean we can actually _tell _Provenza so that he can start being his cheerful self?"

"Hm. I think that means you can tell whomever you like now." They would still have to be discreet, but there was no longer any reason to keep it a secret.

"Good." His head tilted. "You do know they all already _know_ right?"

"Oh Andy." Sharon laughed. "Of course they do. Julio also owes Mike fifty dollars on the matter, which he'll probably get back from Amy." Her eyes sparkled. "Honestly, when are you people going to figure out that there is _nothing_ that any of you can do that I don't know about."

"Oh, believe me when I tell you that we know." Andy drew her closer. "It's why we're glad that you're with us and not with _them _anymore. Although I should point out, I think Buzz is going to clean up from all of them."

"Oh well," she rolled her eyes. "Something to look forward to."

"Yeah." His hands settled across her hips. "Actually, I was sent out here to let you know that dinner is about ready. Damned if food is the last thing on my mind right now."

"Hm." Heat swept through her at the darkening of his eyes. "Well, if you're good, maybe you can save that thought for later."

"I'm always good, didn't you hear? Big fan of the rules here." He liked her in denim, the way it hugged her hips and legs. "What did you have in mind?"

"Nothing elaborate." Her hands slid up his back. "I was just thinking that my very grown children would be okay on their own for one night, and all three of them are perfectly capable of keeping an eye on their sister." A smile tugged at her lips, a brow lifted. "Unless you had other plans, of course."

"Nope, no plans here." Except to see how fast he could get her out the door. Andy grinned, leaving her children on the evening of a holiday wasn't like her. "They're kicking you out aren't they?"

Sharon snorted. "Emily packed a bag for me and I was told that I was to leave with you and not come back until sometime tomorrow, and if you don't take me up on it, Ricky is going to be incredibly disappointed in you." She rolled her eyes. "I don't know where they learned to be so bossy."

"Oh I bet," he laughed. "They want you to be happy. Nothing wrong with that."

"No, there really isn't." Sharon's smile softened. "I do adore them for it." She tipped her face up to kiss him again. "You make me very happy."

His response was interrupted by the opening of the door. Anna poked her head out. It was all she let cross the threshold, she knew that she wasn't allowed onto the balcony. "What's taking so long? We're hungry!"

Andy stepped back, a bit reluctantly, and pulled the door wider. "I know kiddo." He hefted Anna up and into his arms. "We got distracted by a grown up talk."

The little girl sighed. "You have a _lot_ of grown up talks. Must get boring."

It was all Andy could do to not laugh. "Something like that. Come on, kid. Let's go see what the others managed to do about dinner."

Sharon smiled as she followed them. Anna seemed to really like him, but she still wondered at letting her get attached, and confusing her so soon after her father's leaving. It seemed they had a mutual admiration society going on, however. Andy was always mindful of her, a surprise, given her parentage. Although in truth, Sharon supposed it probably shouldn't be. He didn't seem to mind any of her children, and Anna was hers now, only by choice rather than birth. As she watched him settle Anna in her highchair, she thought that, maybe it wouldn't hurt for her to have some kind of positive male role model in her life, someone who wasn't one of her brothers.

Dinner was a fairly casual affair. Sharon had been mindful of Andy when preparing it, and added a few vegetable dishes alongside the ham and its trimmings. With her princess doll still a big hit, Anna had insisted on Andy in the seat beside hers. The highchair was at the end of the table, and so Sharon was on his other side.

"So." Ricky was seated across from his mother. He leaned forward, elbows on the table to fix the two of them with a look. "I think we've been pretty patient so far, given what we walked into the other night."

Rusty snorted quietly and leaned back in his own seat. He exchanged a look with Emily, who seemed amused, but more cautious than her brother was. "You get the part where she's armed, right?"

Ricky smirked at him. "What? I'm just trying to figure out what all this is. I mean, one minute she's not dating, and the next there's this guy hanging around all the time. So is this like a holiday thing, or what? I mean, it's moving pretty quick. I think we can all agree it's been a pretty big year. Two new kids and a boyfriend, at least we don't have to worry about her showing up pregnant."

The minute the words left his mouth, Sharon and Andy looked at one another. She drew a breath while his brows lifted. She drew her bottom lip between her teeth and let her gaze drop. "This wasn't how I was going to tell them."

"Well it isn't like we'll be able to hide it, it's going to be pretty obvious soon," he rumbled quietly.

Ricky's jaw dropped. His face paled. "What?" He practically squeaked. "You have got to be kidding me. No way."

"Of course not," Andy snorted and began to laugh. "But that look, right there…" He pointed at his face, and the looks on Rusty and Emily's faces too. "That is…"

"Perfection," Sharon finished with a smirk. Her eyes glittered deviously. She leaned forward. "Darling, I love you, and I appreciate everything that you've all done and how wonderful you've been this last week, but this…" She gestured between herself and Andy, "this is between us, and not something that I am willing to discuss."

Rusty looked heavenward. "Told you," he muttered. He shot a look at Sharon and exhaled. "Please don't ever do that again." She managed to scare the hell out of him.

"Hm." She smiled sweetly at him. "Don't give me a reason to." She tilted her head and smiled at Andy. "Nicely played."

"You weren't so bad yourself." He leaned back and lifted his tea glass. "The instant vulnerability was a nice touch." The tremor of silent laughter that had gone through her, however, had given her away, but luckily, the kids hadn't noticed it.

"I thought so too." It also helped that she knew perfectly well that such a possibility did not exist. Sharon rested her chin in her hand. "Dessert?"

"Depends." He leaned toward her, dark eyes glittering. "What have you got?"

"Hm." Her lips curved slowly. "It is entirely possible that there is a black cherry and chocolate cheesecake that was made while you were being so very helpful this afternoon."

"You baked." His eyes lit with delight.

"I did." She smirked.

"Sold." He leaned back with a happy sigh.

Sharon laughed as she stood. "I didn't think I would get much argument out of you, for once." Her hand trailed across his shoulders as she passed his chair.

"Don't let it go to your head," he teased.

Ricky and Emily looked at each other and sighed. "She's _your_ mother," They both said.

When they looked at him, Rusty snorted. "Don't look at me, I was adopted."

"Sharon, I think this one is done for." Anna was yawning and rubbing her eyes where she sat, head starting to dip. Andy pushed his chair back and stood. When Emily started to get up, he waved her back. "I've got it."

Sharon set the cheesecake in the center of the table and joined him as he lifted Anna into his arms. "Yes, I think you're right." She chuckled quietly when Anna yawned and burrowed into his chest. "Here, I'll take her. You stay." She lifted the little girl out of his arms and settled her against her shoulder. "Come on, baby," she said quietly. "Let's go tuck you in." She lay her cheek against the top of Anna's head and moved away with her.

A knock at the door had Ricky standing. "I'll get it. Were we expecting anyone else?"

"I don't think so." Rusty shrugged. He stood as well, but moved into the kitchen to retrieve the dessert plates.

"Everyone we know is either here or in Park City," Emily said. She leaned across the table when Rusty returned and began slicing pieces of the cake and placing them on plates.

"Not unless mom has any other boyfriends she hasn't told us about." Ricky was grinning as he pulled the door open, but it quickly faded. A sense of dread filled him. "I don't think you're supposed to be here."

"Well now, that's a fine way to greet your father, don't you think?" Jack Raydor stood on the other side of the door holding a bag filled with wrapped packages. He slapped Ricky's shoulder and tried to move past him. "Where's your mother? I have presents for Anna."

Ricky blocked him. "I don't think she wants to see you, and Anna was well taken care of, thanks."

"You have got to be kidding me." Emily dropped the knife in her hand and strode across the apartment. "I think you've got a lot of nerve showing up here, Jackson."

"Emily!" Jack smiled a little awkwardly. His daughter had always been less forgiving than her brother. Too much of her mother in her. "Now listen, all of that is between your mother and me. I really don't think she'd want the two of you getting into the middle of this."

"No, I'm sure she wouldn't," Emily replied. She fixed him with a frosty look. "But seeing as she's putting Anna down to bed right now, she's a little too busy to intervene. I'm sure that what she would appreciate is you keeping your voice down and not waking a little girl who has had a very big day." Emily pointed a finger at him. "You don't get to do this. You don't get to put her through the same hell that you've put us through all these years." Her head tilted. Her blue eyes had gone pale, like ice. "What's the matter Jackson, guilt finally get to you? Let me guess, you picked up a few cheap toys at a Walgreens on your way over so you wouldn't show up empty handed."

"Now Emmy—" Jack shifted uncomfortably. That was exactly what he had done, but he didn't expect to be called on it.

At the table, Rusty cast a questioning look at the Lieutenant. "Do we get involved?"

"We do not." Andy stood up and walked into the kitchen to make coffee. It felt like it was going to be a long night. He rolled the sleeves of his shirt up and busied himself with it, since it was a better alternative to what he was thinking. His thoughts involved bruised knuckles and a confrontation that would probably have him in trouble with Sharon afterward.

The raised voices had drawn Sharon's notice. She came down the hall at a slow, cautious pace, listening as she neared. Emily was displeased about something, and the answering voice was distinctly male, and all too familiar. She drew a breath as she felt her own ire rise. She stopped at the end of the hall and folded her arms over her chest. Sharon stood there for a moment before she walked over and edged her children aside. "Emily, Ricky, do me a favor and start clearing the table, please. We'll have dessert afterward."

"Come on," Ricky nudged his sister. "Let mom handle it. She's always been really good at dealing with his crap."

Her lips pursed while she waited for them to do as she asked, and once left alone with Jack, Sharon stepped through the door and drew it closed behind her. Her eyes narrowed. "You can't do this. You can't just show up unannounced and expect to be welcome, especially after what you've done. The divorce is final, Jack. I received my copies of the papers last week. Anna is asleep, if you'd like to see her, then you need to call ahead and make arrangements for a visit."

"Sharon, look," He held up a hand. "You can't just keep me from—"

"I think I can." She took another step forward and her voice dropped another octave. "I think we both know perfectly well that I can. You left, Jack. You chose to abandon another child, one that you asked that I adopt. Unless you'd like to see the inside of a family courtroom, you will do exactly as I say. Otherwise we can see how much you enjoy paying child support for the next fifteen years." Sharon arched a brow at him. "You wanted me to raise this child and I am raising her. We are going to do this my way, and if you don't like that, you can contact my lawyer."

"What choice did you leave me, Sharon?" Jack lost the false cheer and glared at her. "You were sitting around pining after another man. You know, I tried to make this work, and you couldn't even meet me half way. Now you're going to dictate when and how I can see my own daughter, who you can barely look at, I might add."

In the absence of getting what he wanted, Jack always tried to pick a fight. Then, when he still didn't find satisfaction, he would leave. Sharon chose not to rise to the bait. Instead she held out her hand. "If you'd like Anna to have those things, I'll see that she gets them. Otherwise you can hang onto them until you've scheduled a visit. It's really up to you, Jack."

His eyes narrowed further. She'd hardly blinked at his mention of the other guy. Jack puffed up. "Fine. Have it your way Sharon. You usually do."

She shook her head at him and smiled sadly. "Don't blame me if you're unhappy with how things have worked out, Jack. There was more than one opportunity available for you to turn it around. You chose to leave. Again and again, and the truly unfortunate part is that I was just foolish enough to let you come back. I'm sorry, it's not an opportunity that you'll have again. I might have been slow to learn my lesson, but I've learned it. I won't stop you from seeing Anna, but Jack, we both know that you don't want her. If you want to learn from your mistakes, then do it. Don't repeat them. You wanted to be better, so _be_ better." Sharon sighed. "Emily and Ricky are angry now, but that won't always be the case. They were just starting to believe in you again and you've disappointed them, badly."

"So what are you suggesting?" Jack stared at her. "That I just… what? Forget she exists? Just walk off and not look back?"

It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him that he'd already done that. Sharon swallowed those words. "Jack, all that I am saying is that if you are not going to be part of her life, don't come and go the way that you have in the past. Better that you walk away than repeat those mistakes. It's something for you to think about, but a decision that only you can make." She was done with making excuses for him and waiting for the other shoe to drop. "I'll see that Anna gets this," she told him. Sharon reached behind her for the door and gave the knob a turn. She paused for only a moment before stepping back into the apartment. "And Jack, had I not just put her down to bed, I'd have let you see Anna tonight. Do not _ever_ accuse me of standing between you and your children. You did that well enough on your own."

Sharon left him standing in the hall and closed the door between them. She leaned back against it for just a moment and sighed heavily. Those little confrontations with Jack were never pleasant. Her gaze swept across the interior of the room and she found that Ricky and Emily had returned to the table. It had been cleared, with only the dessert remaining, along with a full carafe of coffee. She pushed away from the door and strode toward them, via the christmas tree to leave Jack's offering there for Anna.

"They beat us to it," Emily said, and nodded to where Andy and Rusty were steadily cleaning up the kitchen and loading the dishwasher.

"Wouldn't let us help," Ricky said.

Emily was slumped in her seat, and Ricky had his chin in his hand. Both of her eldest children were sulking. That was another familiar side effect of one of Jack's visits. "They can be stubborn," Sharon explained with a smile. She rounded the table and lay a hand against Ricky's back. When Emily leaned forward and toward her, she cupped her daughter's chin. "You are definitely mine."

"Heard all that?" Emily cringed. "Sorry?"

"No, I don't think that you are." Sharon curled an arm around her shoulders and drew her daughter close. "Which is more than okay. You're an adult. I trust you to say only that which you feel _needs_ to be said."

"You didn't let him in." Ricky sounded surprised. He looked up at her, dark eyes puzzled, and tried to work it out.

"No," she said. "This time I didn't. You were right about his coming and going unannounced. I won't stop him from seeing Anna," she explained to both of them, "but he'll do it at our convenience, and not his own. My days of facilitating your father's relationship with all of you are done. It's his turn. I've moved on." She felt eyes on her and lifted her gaze. Andy was watching her. She could see that he was agitated by Jack's surprise visit, but there was concern etched across his face. The kitchen, she knew, was his way of busying himself. She smiled at him, only for a moment, before she let her attention return to her children. "Have some coffee," she told them, "have some cake. Don't let him spoil your evening. Okay?"

It was her way of asking them to do it for her, Emily knew. She sighed quietly and curled an arm around her mother's waist. "I think we can do that. Chocolate makes everything better."

"Forget the coffee," Ricky muttered. "Break out the wine."

"Oh, I…" Sharon glanced up, her eyes found Andy again. When he only moved to the fridge and pulled out a chilled bottle of her favorite Moscato, she smiled gently at him. "Are you sure?"

"Never liked wine." Andy pulled down three glasses and carried them to the table. "Too boring."

Sharon chewed her bottom lip and decided she loved him a little more. "Thank you," She accepted the bottle from him, while he placed the glasses on the table. When he placed a corkscrew in her other hand, she decided that he might be a keeper.

Emily watched her mother open the bottle and start pouring. "If she gets tipsy and starts telling embarrassing stories, I'm blaming you," she told Ricky.

"Hey," He shrugged. "If she gets tipsy, we're telling the embarrassing stories."

"I can live with that." Emily lifted her wine glass and leaned back with it.

"It's good that you're both so cute," Sharon observed. She lifted her own glass and rounded the table to reclaim her empty seat. "Andy, stop cleaning my kitchen and have some cake."

"I'm almost done with your kitchen," He remarked with a grin. "I'll have some cake in a minute."

Sharon continued to watch him as he loaded the last plate into the dishwasher and closed it. Then he took a pot out of her drainer and dried it before putting it in the cupboard that Rusty indicated. "_Andrew_."

"_Sharon_." He smirked at her. He tossed the dishtowel onto the counter and strode toward her. "See, all done." Andy reached for the coffee and one of the cups he placed beside it and poured one for himself. Then he slipped back into the chair beside Sharon's.

"Thank you." She slid one of the dessert plates toward him, along with a fork.

"Anna go down?" He asked, pointedly ignoring that Jack had ever been there at all.

"Yes," Sharon leaned back in her seat. "Along with that ridiculously large doll. _Where_ did you find that thing?"

"Nicole." Andy chuckled. "She remembered Anna being crazy about Princess Sofia when we were at Disneyland. She spotted it while she was shopping for the boys. I told her to go ahead and get it."

"Remind me to thank her." Sharon groaned quietly. "Between all of us, we've managed to spoil that child."

Andy leaned over and nudged her shoulder with his. "She deserved it."

"Yes," she smiled softly. "I can't argue with that." It had been a good day, Jack's visit notwithstanding. Anna would never know that he'd been there, however.

"There's just one thing left to do," Rusty said. He leaned forward against the table and grinned at them. "Start getting ready for her birthday." It was only a couple of months away, at the end of February.

"Yeah." Emily grinned. "That dollhouse was last minute. I can do way better than that. I was thinking princess castle…"

"Oh god." Sharon moaned, she let her head fall to the table. "I'm going to need a bigger house."


	11. Chapter 11

Better or Worse

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it.

* * *

><p>After the holidays, life returned to normal. As much as she loved them both, Sharon was happy to have the silence that descended upon her home back after Emily and Ricky returned to their own cities. Jack didn't call, and Sharon hadn't really thought that he would. She was thankful that she hadn't let Anna know about his visit. The child needn't have that disappointment. He would turn up again, Sharon thought, the next time the guilt got to him. She would stand her ground again.<p>

It was oddly liberating, even after the divorce, to be able to look Jack in the eye and stand up for herself and her children.

With January more than upon them, Rusty was back in class and Anna was back in preschool, while Major Crimes was back at work. It was a new year, however, and a new life. That was a theme that she was currently going with. Sharon reflected on that as she lay awake, watching shadows dance across the walls of her bedroom. There was an arm draped across her waist, and a warm body laying beside her. He was quietly snoring and had been for a little while. Sharon lifted her head and turned it, where she lay on her stomach, so that she was gazing at him instead.

In the weeks since Christmas he had been spending more time at the apartment. She was still sneaking him out before Anna was awake, but they stopped pretending that on the evenings he had dinner with them that he wasn't staying the night, at least where Rusty was concerned. That was old news by this point.

Sharon smiled as she watched him sleep. He seemed to be following her home an awful lot lately. Not that she minded it. Actually, she had come to look forward to it. Even on nights when all he did was sleep beside her, as he had tonight. They'd gotten home late, and would be back in the office early to continue working on their current case. They were both much too tired to do anything but sleep, and now, a few hours later, she was wide awake. Her body had hit a point where it couldn't rest. Her mind simply wouldn't allow it, it was just too full.

She was starting to wonder if it wasn't time to start letting him join them for breakfast. He was spending an awful lot of time with Anna now too. The little girl seemed to be just as fond of him as he was of her. Andy didn't seem to mind the position that he was being placed in. She worried about it though, pushing him too far, expecting too much.

He told her that he loved her. Even when he didn't say the words, he showed her in a dozen different ways. Sharon drew a thin, shuddering breath. Anna was only just one of them. She drew her bottom lip between her teeth. He was the one to push her, when she needed it, to face her fears where loving Anna was concerned. He brought Anna spaghetti when he knew she'd had a bad night, and though those came fewer and farther between than they had when Anna first came to her, it still happened occasionally. That little girl was still dragging that ridiculously large doll around with her. She never went anywhere without it. Sharon was finally over feeling odd about driving around LA with it in her backseat. She didn't recall having a little girl being quite so… cute. Emily was more into dancing than she had been dolls, and that was something that Anna just wasn't duplicating. They'd given up on dance classes, she just wasn't interested. They tried tumbling, and Anna liked it, but she wasn't particularly excited about it either. They would be exploring t-ball in the spring, something that Andy was especially excited about.

Sharon pressed her face into the crook of her elbow when she was tempted to laugh. When she told him that she had signed Anna up for t-ball in the spring, his eyes lit up in such a way that she had laughed at him. Sharon was hoping for his sake that Anna would like it more than she had the dancing and tumbling. She had a feeling that might be the case. It really was a mutual admiration society where those two were concerned.

Their first fight had come as a result of that. Sharon had commented, only a week ago, that he needn't try so hard with Anna for her sake. She would still love him. Andy had taken offense to it. He wasn't doing it for anyone but Anna, and she should have known better. He was right about that, she should have. It just wasn't something that she was used to. Which was why she wondered now if she was really doing anyone any favors by keeping up the pretense.

Sharon sighed. She let her gaze wander to the lights of the city, seen through the window behind him. Was she the one that was trying too hard? This was all just so very confusing and complicated. She didn't have this problem when her other children were younger. Actually, she had a whole host of other problems, such as a drunk and absent husband who was gambling away every cent that they had, but dating with a young child in the house was definitely new.

She turned her face into her pillow and willed her brain to shut down. It wasn't like her to second guess herself quite so intensely. Now that the relationship was common knowledge, among their colleagues as well as their friends and family, it really was only a matter of time before she would need to start bringing Anna into it more. Although, she was rather involved already. Really, Sharon just wanted to sleep. If she wasn't thinking about this, she knew that her mind would be turning over the grisly images that were pinned to the murder board. She would be thinking about suspects and timelines. She would be replaying Doctor Morales's presentation of the autopsy. Sharon didn't exactly want to think about that either.

"Stop." Andy's sleepy voice rumbled through the room. "I can hear you thinking." His arm slid around her. He pulled her closer and tucked her against his body. Andy settled his face into the crook of her neck and let his lips brush her skin. His hand moved beneath the plain, white sleep shirt that she was wearing and settled against her stomach. "Turn it off," he told her.

"I'm sorry." She settled against him and sighed quietly. "Go back to sleep, Andy." His hand was warm against her skin, and his fingers were gentle as they moved in a lazy pattern, gently stroking.

"Not yet." He nuzzled her neck, nosed her hair aside and let his lips trail a path from her ear to her jaw. "Busy right now." His hand slid steadily higher until his thumb was brushing the underside of her breast. When she drew a sharp breath, his lips curved. "Turn it off," he said again. "Think about something else."

"That shouldn't be difficult." Already she was calculating how much sleep they might get if she let him keep moving in the direction he was going. She drew her bottom lip between her teeth again and let her eyes drift closed as his questing fingers sent little sparks of heat dancing down her spine. "You should really go back to sleep," she said again, voice hitching when he only continued to touch her.

"Yeah." He wasn't disagreeing. They were both damned tired, but now, there was something other than sleep that he wanted. It was more than the taste of her on his lips or the feel of her arching into his touch. He wanted her mind to relax, to shut down while her body took over. Andy rolled her onto her back and settled over her. His hands came up to frame her face. His thumbs were gentle as they stroked her cheeks. His lips lingered against hers, playful, nipping and sucking at her bottom lip.

Her hands caught his face when he started to draw away from her. She drew him back to her and lifted her head from the pillow beneath her. His hands were steadily sliding her shirt higher, while his fingers danced across her skin. Yes, he definitely had his ways of showing her how he felt about her, and that she was cared for. "Andy…" His name was a whisper on her lips.

"I know." He pressed her back down and moved slowly down her body. His mouth pressed against her stomach, just once, before he looked up at her. Andy caught her hands and pushed them over her head to grip the pillow. "Just let it go." He didn't know where her mind was, or what was bothering her, but he didn't need to. She would tell him when she was ready. Although he had a pretty good idea.

She could only barely make out his form in the darkness, but she felt rather than saw the smoldering of his gaze. As his mouth went to work on her, Sharon turned her face into her arm and moaned quietly. Already he had her full attention. Her fingers tightened around the material in her hands, and she drew her knees up along his sides. She arched into his touch again, and her last coherent thought was of just how much she loved him.

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

The next time that Andy woke it wasn't to the fidgeting and loud overthinking by the woman beside him. No, she was nestled into his side and sound asleep. This time, the bed was moving. Andy lifted his head and glanced across her. The bedroom door was open and light was filtering in from the hall. It was soft, hardly there at all, just the glow from the nightlight that Sharon kept in place for Anna. It was just in case the child woke in the middle of the night, as apparently, she had.

Anna was climbing up onto the bed on Sharon's other side. Andy glanced at the clock. They had only maybe half an hour before the alarm would go off and she would be walking him to the door. He figured it was only a matter of time before _this_ happened. It was inevitable, really, and exactly the reason that they always went to sleep clothed. He was rather glad of that now, with Anna staring back at him. When she sniffled, Andy frowned. He glanced down at Sharon. He didn't want to wake her. Not yet, not with just how little sleep she had actually gotten.

He rubbed a hand over his face and eased out from beneath her. She moaned quietly and burrowed into the warm spot that he left behind. Andy tucked the blanket around her as he slid from the bed. "Hey kiddo," he whispered quietly and rounded the bed to pluck Anna away. He carried her into the hall and pulled the door quietly closed. In the soft glow of the hall, he could see that she had been crying. "What's the matter sweetheart? Are you sick?" His hand settled against her forehead, but she felt cool to the touch.

"I had a bad dream." Anna's bottom lip puckered and began to tremble. She sniffled again. "I want my momma."

She lay her head against his shoulder and he felt the tremor that ran through her. "I know," he said quietly. "I bet she would want to be with you too."

Anna shook her head. "No," she said pitifully. "Not that momma. I want my now momma."

"Oh." Andy hadn't realized that Anna had started calling her that. His hand stroked her back and he carried her toward the living room instead of back to her bed. "Yes, I know honey. Mom's sleeping right now, maybe you can tell me about it and let her rest a little while longer."

She sniffled again, and when he sat down on the couch with her, Anna snuggled close. "Dinosaurs ate my puppy."

Andy looked heavenward. He'd forgotten the ridiculously scary places that a child's mind could go. He also resolved to remind Rusty that _Jurassic Park_ was not an appropriate movie to be watching when Anna was around. "That's pretty scary," he said. "Good thing there aren't any dinosaurs around anymore, huh?"

"I guess." Anna sighed. "I don't like 'em. They're mean." She sniffed again and looked up at him. "How come you're here? Did you have a sleepover?"

That was a question that he was hoping wouldn't come. Andy reached for the remote and turned the television on. He searched until he found a channel that was playing cartoons. He kept the volume low and settled back on the sofa while he considered his answer. Andy drew his feet up onto the coffee table and crossed his ankles. "Yeah, something like that." He decided that was true enough and safe enough for this setting. Andy reached for the throw blanket on the back of the sofa and tugged it down over them.

Anna yawned widely. She wiggled around until she was comfortable and lay her head against his shoulder. Her eyes moved to the television. "Can we have eggs for breakfast?"

"Yeah, we can do that." Andy tipped his head against the back of the sofa and let his eyes close. Sharon was going to kill him. It was worth it. He settled back against the cushions and listened, rather than watched the movie that was playing. He stroked the hair of the small head nestled against him and sighed. It wasn't long at all before she was still and quiet, and he was sure, asleep again. Definitely worth it, he thought again.

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

Sharon woke to her alarm and an empty bed. The space beside her was cool to the touch. She lifted her head and looked around the room. There was no sign of him. She rolled from the bed and drew a robe around her body. Her eyes blinked as she turned on the lamp. His clothes were still draped across the padded bench at the foot of her bed. He had gone to bed in a t-shirt and pajama pants, a staple that seemed to have found its way into her laundry. She smiled at that. She didn't mind finding his things mixed in with hers.

She left the bedroom and made her way quietly down the hall. The soft glow of the television lit the room. Beyond the balcony doors, light was beginning to filter across the sky. It was lit in hues of gray and blue. Sharon moved closer to the sofa. Andy was leaning back on it, snoring quietly. She moved around the edge of the sofa and stopped. There was a dark head tucked against his neck. He had Anna tucked into the crook of his arm, nestled close and sound asleep. Sharon moved quietly closer and sank carefully into the cushions on his other side.

She reached out and pushed a lock of dark hair away from Anna's face. One of her little hands was curled in his t-shirt, as though she were afraid that he would disappear. Sharon drew her bottom lip between her teeth and rested her elbow against the back of the sofa. Her head found its way into her hand. She drew her legs beneath her and reached for the edge of the blanket. She inched carefully closer and beneath it. When she lay her hand against his stomach, he stirred.

His head lifted, his eyes blinked open. "Hey." Sharon smiled at him. Her hand stroked upward to rest against his chest. She leaned toward him and her lips brushed the curve of his jaw. "You seem to be stealing the hearts of all the women in this family."

"I can't help it." His arm snaked out and curled around her. He drew her closer and into his side. "They all think I'm irresistible." Andy drew a breath and let it out slowly. He fought the urge to yawn. He slanted a look at her, found her smiling at him again. "Most of them anyway."

"Hm." She chuckled quietly and wriggled closer. "Your ego isn't in danger of taking any hits anytime soon, it seems." Sharon lay her head against his shoulder. "What happened?"

"Dinosaurs ate her puppy." Andy shook his head. "Bad dream. She came looking for you. She woke me up trying to climb into the bed." He shrugged, then glanced down to make sure he hadn't jostled Anna. "I didn't want to wake you," he said, pitching his voice lower. A memory had him looking at her again. "She wanted her mom, not that one, she was asking for you."

Her lips curved into a smile. "Yes." Sharon's eyes lit up. "She started that a few days ago. I think it was a little confusing for her when Emily and Ricky where here. Rusty uses my name, but they don't, and then there are all of her friends at preschool and daycare…" She trailed off with a shrug. "I didn't correct her. It's what she's comfortable with."

"Yeah." He arched a brow at her. "Thing is, it kind of helps that you _are_ her mom now. Not just legally." He reached up and swept a stray lock of hair away from her face. He tucked it behind her ear.

"It does," she agreed with a smile. Sharon turned and settled against him again. "I like it."

"You like it." He grinned.

"_I like it_," she said at length. She drew his arm around her and laced their fingers together. "I was thinking," she began.

"I thought I fixed that already." Andy's laughter rumbled quietly in his chest as he turned his face into her hair.

Sharon rolled her eyes at him. "Before that." A flush spread across her cheeks at the memory. "Technically you should be heading out the door about now." She glanced up at him. "Maybe you could stay a little while longer…"

"What did you have in mind?" He nosed her hair aside and placed a kiss beneath her ear. "I hope it's breakfast. I promised Anna eggs." He paused before adding, "Right after she asked me if we had a sleepover."

She giggled quietly. "Bless her innocence." Sharon turned on the sofa and lay her bent knees against his thigh. She curled against him and reached across to stroke Anna's hair. Her lips pursed and she sighed. "At the risk of starting another argument…" Sharon considered her words carefully. "Andy, you don't have to—"

"Then don't start one." He met her gaze. Andy shook his head slowly. "I'm not, Jack. Don't compare us." The histories were similar enough, he knew. He drank too much, he worked too hard, and he made plenty of mistakes. He never walked away from his children. When she leaned away from him, Andy drew her back. "You're thinking too hard again. Stop. Just let it go, Sharon."

She shook her head and drew away from him again. Sharon stood up and walked into the kitchen. She busied herself with the coffee maker and pulling down mugs. She wasn't surprised when he joined her, and looked over to see Anna still asleep on the sofa. "If I could let it go I would," she told him. "This isn't about just letting myself accept the changes in my life."

His hand circled her wrist. Andy drew her toward him until they stood inches apart. "I thought we agreed that you weren't going to start another argument?" He shook his head. Andy tugged her with him toward the end of the bar. There, he took a seat on one of the stools and pulled her between his legs. "What is your hang up? You know, it might help if you actually told me."

Her lips pressed together. Sharon exhaled quietly. "I don't want to confuse her. Sooner or later she's going to begin to make correlations about your presence and our relationship, and I don't want to…" She tugged her arms out of his hands and folded them against her chest. His hands settled at her hips instead. "I feel like everything has moved way too fast. Jack was here, and then he wasn't, and now you're here, and I can't help wondering if I should slow this down before it gets out of control. But at the same time, I want you here."

"We spent a year doing slow," Andy reminded her, "while you came to terms with what you wanted to do about your marriage. He dumped this on you and he walked out, and now your life is moving forward again. I get it, Sharon. Do you think this is how I pictured we'd be doing this? There aren't exactly any guidebooks for what to do when your middle-aged girlfriend adopts her ex-husband's love child. You know, I'm just doing the best I can here. Believe me, I've got no idea what that means. I'm just trying to keep my partner from shooting me for screwing it up again."

She ducked her head and chuckled quietly. "I know." Sharon tossed her hair back and looked up, eyes pointed at the ceiling. "I don't know what I'm doing either. I didn't exactly get an instruction manual for this situation either. I'm so used to doing damage control when I hear _Hey Sharon, what had happened was__…_ That I think I just let instinct take over." She didn't want to rehash it. It had been a horrible few months and she had missed him terribly. "When I signed those adoption papers, I thought I'd end up doing this alone at some point, but I never dreamed that you'd be here. I don't have a single contingency plan for this."

"Good." Andy smirked at her. "That means you aren't set on any specific outcome. It generally works in my favor if I've got room to negotiate." He tugged her closer. His hands slid beneath the robe to slide up the backs of her thighs. "I figured by now we'd be talking about shipping the kid off to some dorm so we could do all kinds of unspeakably naughty things in every room of my bungalow. After I moved you in, of course."

"Of course." She slipped her arms around his shoulders and pressed her lips together to keep from smiling. "Hmm." Sharon thought about it. "There's a problem with that."

"Yeah, the dollhouse is never gonna fit." He nodded to the structure that was still taking up a corner of her living room. "And it clashes with my furniture. Obviously, I've had to rethink the plan. Now, what I'm thinking is, we can ditch the dollhouse and pay for years of therapy…"

"Mmhm." The corners of her mouth began to twitch. Sharon arched a brow at him. "Or?" She drew the syllable out. Her eyes sparkled with amusement, while she wondered where he was going with this.

"Or," he continued, "we keep the dollhouse, I get new furniture, and your shoes have to go. We need room, you understand."

"Indeed." Her teeth sank into her bottom lip. His hands were warm against the backs of her thighs. Sharon's hands gripped his shoulders. "I sense another idea…"

"Well, that's never going to work," Andy told her. "You love those shoes. And Anna really loves that dollhouse, so I've got a feeling that neither is going anywhere. That leaves us pretty much stuck with a single alternative. The dollhouse stays where it's at, we curb the unspeakably naughty activities, the bungalow has to go, and you marry me."

She laughed out loud. Sharon pressed the back of her hand against her mouth to stifle the giggles. When he only stared steadily back at her, Sharon stopped laughing. Her smile faltered while her eyes widened. "You're not joking." She felt her stomach drop and her chest clench.

Sharon shoved back from him. Andy held steady. He stood and lifted her. He sat her on the counter across from them and stood between her legs. "You think I'd joke about that?" He stared down at her. His heart was beating a few hundred miles a minute, but now that it was out there, he was going to stand by it. "The way I see it, we keep going like we are, and either way, she's going to end up confused. Now I could move in here, but you're not going to go for that. So let's play a game of follow the rules." His hands settled against the counter on either side of her. Andy leaned close. "You don't want to confuse the kiddo, and you're worried about how it looks. So put your money where your mouth is Raydor. Solve the problem."

Her mouth had gone dry. She continued to stare at him. Finally she blinked. Sharon leaned back on the counter and her back bumped against the cupboard. "I…" Her mouth opened but there was no sound beyond that one. She watched his brow raise, saw the sparkle of challenge in his eyes. "Have you…" All of the air left her lungs in a rush. "Have you lost your mind?"

"Probably." He drew her closer to the edge of the countertop. "That seems to be the general consensus, although, there are just as many people who think you've lost yours. What the hell, let's throw 'em for a loop."

When his brows bobbed she thought he might actually be screwing with her, but somehow, she really doubted that was the case. "I'm genuinely worried about your sanity," She said. His hands slid beneath her robe again and she decided that he was just playing dirty. "Is this your idea of a negotiation?"

"Depends. Is it working?" His hands skirted along her thighs to rest against her hips. "I think it depends on whether or not you thought it was going to happen eventually anyway. Or maybe the rumors are true and you really are just using me for my body." He frowned. "Or am I just using you—who can keep up. It's narcotics. They like to talk, mostly to hear themselves. Sharon, you're killing me. It's either answer the question or the dollhouse has got to go, because we both know you're never giving up any of those shoes, and the kiddo really loves that dollhouse."

She slowly shook her head at him. "You're actually going to use my kid to get me to agree to the most ridiculously insane, completely unbelievable idea that I have ever heard. What are you?"

Andy smirked at her. He took the opening when it was presented to him. "Ridiculously insane and completely crazy about you."

Sharon rolled her yes at him. "You've got the crazy part right." She drew her bottom lip between her teeth. "You're really not joking about this," she said softly.

"Nope." He shrugged. "It was going to wait. I figured we'd get there eventually, but you're turning yourself inside out about this whole thing and what's good for Anna or not. So the idea is out of the bag sooner than I figured it would be." Andy straightened. He drew his hands from beneath the robe and took her much smaller hands in his. "For the record, everything can stay the way it is right now, and I'm not going anywhere. When I told you that I was in this, I meant it. I love you."

She drew another thin, shaking breath. "You saw this lasting that long?" Before he could answer, she curled her legs around his hips and exhaled slowly. "You are, without a doubt, completely insane." A tremor ran down her spine. "The dollhouse has to stay," she agreed. "I'm already putting one child through therapy. I'd rather not be responsible for a second." She looked down, studied their joined hands. "My shoes had best remain in my closet if you know what's best for you."

"Yeah?" he asked thickly. "What about the rest?" His thumbs swept over the backs of her hands. "I think there was more to it than just your shoes and avoiding the therapy."

"I agree, we'll have to curb the unspeakably naughty activities." Her fingers tightened around his. "Quoting my own rulebook at me, more or less, was a nice a touch." Sharon's lips pursed. "You get points for that."

"I thought I might." Andy tilted his head at her. "Come on, Sharon." His eyes glittered. "Where's your sense of occasion?"

She laughed, and this time, she didn't stifle it. "You need your head examined, Andy Flynn."

"Not the first time you've said that," he said. "It's the first time you've said it while half naked…" His lips pursed. "I knew I was doing something wrong in all those disciplinary meetings. I should have gotten you naked years ago. I thought about it often enough."

"Oh my god." She moaned. "Promise me that we'll make up something suitably romantic and never tell anyone what an absolute farce this was?"

Andy held his breath. "Depends. Is that a yes?"

"Well," she said slowly. "I do like having you around."

"Yeah." He leaned down and angled his mouth over hers. "So you've said."

"Andy…" She drew back before he could get started. "Unspeakably naughty things, remember?" Sharon gave a pointed look toward the sofa where Anna was still asleep.

"Right." He sighed and stepped back. "Curbing those. Dammit. Now I know I'm insane."

Sharon shook her head at him. "Are we ever going to do anything normal?"

"You know something." He pulled her off the counter and into the circle of his arms. "We both had normal. It didn't work out so great. Maybe all we need this time is to just be us. Craziness and all."

Sharon cupped his chin and leaned up, kissing him quickly. "Next time, lead in with that. It was actually pretty perfect."

He grunted. "Yeah, except for the part where there isn't going to be a next time. Got you now."

She laughed as she slid her arms around him. She tucked her face into his neck. "You're nuts," she said again.

"Hey, you're the whack job that said yes," he pointed out with a smirk. His arms wrapped around her. He let out a breath he hadn't realized he was still holding. For something that just slipped out, it turned out rather well. Even if they were both completely off their nuts.

Andy found himself fighting the urge to laugh. His partner was going to kill him. Yeah, Sharon was right, they'd make up something suitably fluffy and sell it to the world.


	12. Chapter 12

Better or Worse

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it.

* * *

><p>"Have you lost your damned mind!"<p>

It was barked at her, shouted really, from the entrance to the break room. It probably hadn't been intended to be quite so loud, but the room was small and noise carried well within it. Sharon jumped. Tea sloshed over the rim of her cup and onto her hand. She hissed quietly and reached for a napkin in the nearby dispenser. As she mopped up the hot liquid, she cast a glance behind her.

Lieutenant Provenza's face was red. He was fuming. She honestly expected steam to begin shooting out of his ears any moment now. His brown eyes were nearly black with the emotion. As he took a step toward her, his finger shaking ominously, Sharon almost wanted to flee the other direction. In all their years he had never been quite _this_ worked up at her. She blinked owlishly at him. It was enough to be concerning.

"I think," she said carefully, "that you're going to need to help me out, Lieutenant. I'm not sure which instance you're referring to." Her voice pitched low, in deference to the small room, but she also hoped that her tone would alert him to the fact that she only _almost _wanted to flee. "Is this a more broad analysis of my sanity, or have I done something specific that has you questioning my mental state?"

His arm was flung out. He gestured, open-palmed, at the door. Meanwhile, his mouth opened but little sound came out beyond the occasional squeak. He just couldn't seem to get the words out. The veins in his neck were beginning to protrude. "_You,_" was all he managed to force out between clenched teeth.

Sharon's brows lifted. It was almost comical, except she was fairly sure that it really wasn't. "Yes?" She asked at length, drawing the syllable out.

His eyes narrowed. "You have done a lot of things over the years," he managed to grit out. "But this time…" Provenza's fists clenched tightly. He was certain he'd never been more furious at a single other person in… well, a long time. The last ex-wife most likely. "I expect _him_ to be out of his mind, that's a given. You're supposed to have some common sense, if nothing else! God knows he's lost all of his. I mean really!" Provenza pointed at her again. He shook his finger at her. "You got _married_?" It was just so preposterous that he could hardly even get the words out.

The laughter was instant. The giggles couldn't be stopped. Sharon pressed her fingers to her lips. "Oh god no." She chortled happily and shook her head. "Is _that_ what this is all about?" She lifted her teacup and leaned back against the counter to smile at him. "Let me guess, Anna?" It was hard to hold the laughter back, Sharon wanted to break out into a round of giggles every time she thought back to the ridiculous and completely insane moment that was the actual proposal. It had only been a few days, not even a week yet. They weren't telling anyone, at least not until they'd told their kids. Anna was last on that list, due to the comprehension level there. Sharon shook her head. She smiled fondly at him. "Do you believe everything that children tell you?"

He was quietly skeptical. The fact that she was laughing at him still had him scowling darkly. The lieutenant put his hands on his hips. "You didn't get married?" His head tilted at her. "Anna told me that she was getting a new daddy."

"Of course not." Sharon rolled her eyes at him. She pushed away from the counter and walked toward the door. "We'd never dream of doing something that insane…" At the door, Sharon looked back at him. "At least without you. Anna completely misunderstood." She smiled sweetly at him. "We're getting married on Thursday. You're invited of course." Her eyes glittered playfully. "I'm just not interested in the whole engagement thing, really, that's for kids. Could you imagine us trying to plan a wedding, at our age? Utterly ridiculous if you ask me." Sharon tilted her head at him. "I am hoping you can tag along when he makes his ring choice, I mean, you've seen what he wears. I don't really wear a lot of jewelry and…" She trailed off. He was red again. His mouth was open, but this time he couldn't even make the odd squeaking sounds. "Lieutenant, are you alright? You're starting to worry me."

His hands moved into his hair. "You really have lost your mind!" Provenza turned, almost blindly, and slumped into the first chair that he reached. He leaned forward against the table, head in his hands and groaned loudly. "She's off her nut."

Sharon pushed away from the door and walked back over to sit across from him. She crossed her legs and held her teacup in both hands. There was an indulgent smile on her face. Yes, she was rather sure he was correct. They were both off their nut. It was getting out of control, really. "Lieutenant," she spoke quietly, warmly.

He glanced up at her. "You were supposed to break up, be miserable. Walk around acting like a complete bitch about it while he was surly, hot-tempered, and out of control. Then you'd get over it, we'd toss a young blond at him, and things would eventually stop being uncomfortably awkward and go back to normal. You're not supposed to _marry_ him!" Provenza's hands dropped. "What are you even thinking?"

"Hm." She sipped her tea while her eyes sparkled at him from over the rim. "I'm not even sure that we are." Sharon lowered the cup to the table and kept it cradled between her hands. She leaned forward a bit, straightening a little under his gaze. "I think I could answer that question, but you don't really want me to."

"Oh, I think you do." He shook his head at her. "I need to know that one of you has your head screwed on, if not straight, then at least _on_!" Provenza couldn't believe it. It was the craziest thing his partner had ever done, and he'd witnessed some pretty crazy things over the years - been apart of most of them!

Sharon chuckled quietly. She leaned forward and rested her elbows on the table. She turned the teacup in her and and studied it. "I'm not sure that I can really explain it in a way that makes it sound less insane, or that I really should." Her lips curved. "Suffice it to say, some decisions just don't require a whole lot in the way of thought."

"That is painfully obvious." He glared at her. "Some things, you just shouldn't jump into," Provenza warned her. "Believe me, I've been there. A few times."

She giggled again. "Yes, I guess you have." Sharon hummed and looked away from him. "I don't have any words for you. None that are going to put your mind at ease. I understand that he's your partner, and that this effects all of you in some way, but it's also my personal life." Sharon shrugged. "I'm not going to explain it. That isn't what _we_ do," she reminded him.

His eyes narrowed. "I loathe you," the Lieutenant told her, although it lacked true heat or actual meaning.

He didn't really, and for that reason, Sharon smiled brightly. "I know." She stood up with her tea. "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

"I don't think it's much of a secret," he drawled sarcastically. Provenza sniffed. He rolled his eyes at her. "Why so soon," he asked, before she could reach the door again.

"The kids." Sharon leaned against it. That much she would share with him. "Emily is going to be touring this spring. The Company is taking their spring production on the road. Ricky is going to Europe next month, and will be gone until April. Rusty is thinking of joining him during spring break in March." She shrugged. "Nicole and Jake will be traveling for most of February, so the timing was really very iffy. Neither of us is interested in anything elaborate. We're just seeing a friend of mine over at the courthouse and the only appointment he had available was for Thursday afternoon. If we get it done this week, the kids can join us over the weekend."

"Wow," he said dryly. "That's romantic." The Lieutenant shook his head at her. "I bet you even penciled it in on your calendar too. That really bodes well for the future."

"You know something," she drawled. "If it were the act that was important, I might agree with you. It's not. Not even remotely. You should know that. _How_ it happens isn't important, only that it does. I've done the elaborate three day affair with all the trimmings. That worked out so well in the end. This time, we're doing things our way. It works for us. If you can't trust anything else, Lieutenant, at least trust that." Sharon pushed her way out of the room and left him staring after her. She was tempted to laugh again. At least everyone was in agreement. They were nuts.

When Sharon entered the Murder Room, she found Anna sitting on Andy's desk, watching while he worked. Her gaze quickly swept the room. The others didn't seem to be overly out of sorts over the little cat that her daughter had let out of the bag. They did look at her, and their expressions were a mixture of surprise and amusement.

"Hi honey." Her smile brightened when she caught Anna's attention. She curled an arm around the child and bent to kiss the top of her head.

"I think I made Lieutenant Provenza mad at me." Anna pouted at her.

"Oh, no sweetie." Sharon laughed. "Lieutenant Provenza is mad at the world." That drew a few chuckles. Beside her, Andy snorted quietly.

"Rusty just dropped her off," Andy said. "I'm taking her down to daycare and this is for you." He held up a file. "Phone records for Dallas Jensen. Tao is pulling the financials now." He stood up and decided to leave his jacket draped across the back of his chair. He lifted Anna into his arms and pulled her bag over his shoulder.

"Thank you." She took the file in her free hand and turned her attention to Anna again. "You I will be seeing soon. Be good." When the child leaned toward her, Sharon laughed and pressed a kiss to her cheek. When Andy smirked at her, and it looked like he might ask for one too, her eyes narrowed.

Andy grinned. "I'll be back in a few minutes. Unless I get sucked into story time again. They love me down there."

"Yeah, sure they do." Julio snickered. "It's that juvenile mentality, huh Lieutenant?"

Sharon snickered. "Okay, everyone back to work. These cases don't solve themselves. Hurry back, Lieutenant," she told Flynn. "Mike is going to need help with those financials." He did so hate that.

His eyes narrowed. Andy shook his head as he turned away. "Yeah, I can't tell you how much that thrills me."

"Hm." Sharon turned toward her office. "Bye baby," she called to Anna.

"Bye momma." Anna turned and waved at her from over Andy's shoulder as she was carried away.

They waited until the Captain was in her office and Flynn was gone, only then did Tao and Julio dissolve into laughter. "Did you see the look on his face?" Julio was pointing at Provenza's still empty desk.

"I thought his head was going to pop." Tao snickered.

Amy rolled her eyes at them. She kept her eyes on the report that she was typing up. "_Boys,_" she muttered under her breath. She thought it was romantic.

Andy carried Anna down the hall toward the third floor daycare. Ideally, Rusty would have taken her home when he picked her up at preschool, but his class schedule was preventing that this semester. The location of the daycare was convenient. Rusty could still ferry her to and from preschool, but the downside was that the little girl spent most of her day stuck in the daycare center. Sharon called it good socialization, since she was around other children her age and older. Andy thought that was just her way of trying to make herself feel better about it, since she didn't care for it anymore than he did.

That had him shaking his head. Provenza could be entirely correct. They could both be out of their damned minds. Actually, he was fairly sure that they were. Barely a week from proposal to wedding date, and the damned question was spur of the moment. She didn't even have a damned ring, but they were moving forward with it.

They had a thing about decisions, he supposed. Once they made one, it was full steam ahead. He glanced at Anna again. She was chattering about princesses and puppies, and he didn't exactly follow it, but he was nodding at regular intervals and that kept her happy.

She wasn't even his. She just happened to belong to the woman that he was in love with. It was kind of idiotic really, but kids had a way of getting to people, and this one didn't have anyone else.

Yeah, maybe he'd lost his mind. He was about to step into a role that wasn't his and he was kind of looking forward to it. A second chance, some would call it that. He thought of it more as being there for Sharon. She could do the single parent thing, that wasn't new for her. She could rock the hell out of it, Andy just didn't think she should have to. They were together, they were going to _be_ together, so why the hell not?

Andy hefted Anna is his arms and reached out to use his ID badge to key open the door that led into the daycare center. He doubted seriously that they could find a more secure facility. Andy pulled the door open and carried Anna inside. Kerry, the daycare supervisor that was on shift in the afternoon greeted them with a smile. He made a mental note to tell Sharon that he had dated her… years ago, briefly. Actually, come to think of it, dated was a very strong word.

"Hey Kerry," He placed Anna on her feet and let the bag slip off his shoulder. "I'm dropping off." As he reached for the clipboard on the desk near the entrance to sign Anna in, the kid was already running off to greet her friends. "Hey kid," he called after her. "What about me?"

"Bye Andy!" She tossed a wave his way and kept going.

Andy shook his head and laughed. He finished signing Anna in and tossed the clipboard back onto the desk. He left her bag with Kerry. "Someone will pick her up later, probably Rusty."

"We'll take care of her," Kerry said. "If we need one of you, we'll call up." Anna Raydor had come a long way since first being signed in to the daycare months ago. Now her tantrums and crying fits were few and far between.

"Alright." Andy watched the little girl for a moment. He shook his head again and started out the door. "See ya kid." Anna never even noticed him, she was completely absorbed in playing with the other children.

Andy made his way back to the elevator and rode it to the ninth floor. He leaned against the back wall as it made it's journey upward. His arms were folded over his chest. Two o'clock Thursday, his mind was back to that. It was the time the appointment was set for with Sharon's friend Judge Groves. They could have gone over to City Hall to do it with the JP, but that would have required standing in line for hours, and there was no guarantee they'd actually see a judge before possibly being called away.

He drummed his fingers against the rail that bordered the wall of the elevator and tipped his head back. Sharon's idea was better, he thought. They'd be in and out of the good judge's office and it would be done. That was the important part. As they'd discussed, it wasn't the act itself that mattered, it was what came afterward.

He'd be lying if he didn't admit that scared the hell out of him. Neither of them had what he'd call a brilliant track record. Add that to how they were speeding toward this decision, well it could be a recipe for disaster. Or it could just be a matter of knowing where they were going and skipping the long, drawn out road trip to arrive at the destination. They weren't kids anymore. Age had its advantages, or was that another lie they were telling themselves?

Andy decided he didn't care. The doors of the elevator opened onto the ninth floor and he stepped through them. He wanted this. He wanted _her_.

The smile that was spread across his face froze when he met Jack leaving the Murder Room. Andy's brows drew together in a scowl. He stepped aside and let the other man pass, while he wondered what the hell he was looking for now?

"Flynn." Jack glared at him as he passed.

A brow arched. Andy's dark eyes followed him as he passed. "Jack." He turned and watched him stride down the hall. He stopped in front of the elevator and stabbed at the buttons. Andy shoved his hands into his pockets and waited, watching as he got into the elevator. A moment later he turned and made his way back into the murder room.

The mood was far more subdued than it had been before. His gaze swept the room quickly. Buzz was looking disturbed. Amy kept sending worried looks in the direction of Sharon's office, and Julio was silently fuming. Mike looked like he was weighing the pros and cons of getting involved or not, and Provenza… Andy studied his partner. The older Lieutenant was seated at his desk, quietly drumming his fingers on the surface. There was a troubled expression on his face. It was not the same incredulous look he wore earlier.

Andy stopped beside his partner's desk and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Do I want to know?" He arched a brow at him and jerked his head back toward the door.

"I think we're way past asking _that_ question." Provenza leaned back in his seat. He nodded at the Captain's office, and though it pained him to do it… "You get a pass today," he said. "Get in there."

His frown deepened. Andy glanced at her office. The blinds were closed. "Do I get a hint before I go into the dragon's cave?"

"Let's just say," Provenza drawled. "Your timing, might not be so bad after all."

Andy's lips pursed. That wasn't what he'd call a hint. He drew a breath and let it out slowly. "Yeah, alright." He walked over and knocked on the door as he pushed it open. He slipped inside and pushed it closed behind him. Sharon was seated at her desk. Her head was in her hands and her shoulders were slumped. They had a rule about bringing their relationship into the workplace. Not a big surprise, the woman had rules about everything, right down to whether or not his feet were allowed on the coffee table. He stopped in front of her desk, although he would have liked to have moved around it. There was something in the way she was sitting that had dread filling him. His stomach clenched. "Sharon?"

Her hands dropped slowly. She had known it was him from the way he knocked. Always the same cadence to the sound, which always came at the same instant that the door opened. Sharon lifted her head and looked up at him. Her glasses were gone, laying on her desk. Her teeth scraped at her bottom lip. She lifted the document that was laying on the desk in front of her and held it out. "I underestimated him," she said, voice catching.

The paper shook in her hand. Andy walked around the desk. The look in her eyes pulled at him. It was defeat and fear, and pain… a look he'd not seen in months, not since they'd been facing the very real threat of losing Rusty to the Witness Protection program. He took the document from her, but slipped his other hand beneath her hair and lay it against the back of her neck. That she leaned into his hand was telling. Even when he tried to push the boundaries of her rules, Sharon wouldn't let him. She always pushed back. Her eyes were bright, and when she pressed her lips together, he knew it was to stop the trembling. "What did he do?" he asked.

She exhaled shakily. "He's coming after Anna." She blinked at him, as though still not quite believing it. "Jack was here to serve me with those," she indicated the papers in his hand. "He's suing me for custody of her. He can't just take her, the adoption was legal and binding, and I have custodial possession, but he's taking me to court to get her." Sharon's gaze moved slowly to his face. "He's claiming that she's in an unfit living environment. He's citing Rusty's past… he's…" Sharon stood up and pushed around him. She paced the interior of the office and shook her head. Her hands moved into her hair and she tucked it behind her ears. "He's upset with me. Jack doesn't want Anna. He's coming at me through my kids, and if threatening to take Anna wasn't enough, he's using Rusty to do it."

Andy stared at her for a moment. He didn't quite believe that Jack would have the audacity to try it. While she paced, he read through the document in his hand. It was as Sharon had said. He was serving her with his intention to seek full custody of the minor child Anna Raydor. "That son of a bitch." Andy tossed the papers onto her desk. "Sharon he can't win."

"Can't he?" She stopped pacing and whirled to stare at him. "Think about it, Andy. She's not mine. Yes, I adopted her, and that does give me _some _legal right, but at the end of the day Anna isn't really mine. She's his." Her arms folded against her chest. "Her primary babysitter is a young man who spent more than a year living on the street as a hustler, who initially lied to police about his involvement with the Phillip Stroh case, and then later withheld the information that he was receiving threatening letters in an attempt to prevent him from testifying. It doesn't exactly look very convincing on paper." She reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose. "This is going to crush him."

"Yeah." Andy sat on the edge of her desk, facing her. "He's crazy about that kid. Sharon, none of that matters. Rusty was underage, he was just a kid himself. Jack can use what he wants, but in the end you're right. The bastard doesn't want her. He has no interest in being a father. He's doing this to hurt you, and to try and prove that he can. You're divorced, the only bargaining chip he's got left is Anna." When she started to pace again, Andy reached out and snagged her arm. "Come here." He pulled her over to him. He settled her between his legs and let his arms loosely circle her waist. Considering the conversation, he thought he could get away with it this once. "Look, I'd like nothing more than to go hunt the son of a bitch down right now shoot him where it hurts. I'd do it too, but then I'd be in jail and we'd miss our appointment on Thursday."

"You could shoot him on Friday instead." She let herself be held, but only for a moment. She needed it. Sharon was just so unbelievably angry that she needed that calming influence. How odd that thought was? Andy the calming influence. It should really be the other way around, it should be his temper that she was working on cooling off. Her hands found his shoulders and in the bunching of the muscles beneath her hands, she knew that he wasn't as unaffected as he was pretending to be. Sharon studied him closer. He was furious. She saw it in the lighter gold flecks of his brown eyes. He wasn't kidding about wanting to shoot her ex-husband. "I can't not tell Rusty about this," she said quietly.

"Nope." His hands framed her waist, and against the silk of her blouse, his thumbs stroked gently against her sides. "It's not the first time Jack's tried to use Rusty's past to get at you. He did it with Ricky. You know, Sharon, as much as we hate the idea, it's not going to be the last time someone tries to use that against him. It's out there, as much as we tried to prevent it, and to protect him from it, it's out there. People are going to use it. They only win when Rusty lets them. There's nothing you can do about that. You want to, hell, we all do, but that's a battle the kid is going to have to fight for himself."

"I know." Sharon sighed. She drew her bottom lip between her teeth again and worried it. "I hate this. I really hate that he is doing this now. I honestly thought he'd never try it. I never dreamed that Jack would try to take her."

"No one did." Andy shrugged. "I doubt he even thought about it until recently. Like you said, he's doing it to get at you. If he wanted her, he never would have left. He did, for months, and that's the card that you play. Jack has a history of walking out on his kids. He's never paid a dime of child support. There's not a judge on this continent that is going to let that man have that little girl."

"You wouldn't think so." Her head tilted. Sharon stared beyond him while she thought it through. "Rusty's juvenile record is sealed. The hustling was part of that, so was the investigation into the letters. Jack can't use that in a legal case. I can have it tossed out. In the end, all he's left with is the fact that Anna isn't mine."

Andy sighed. It left his chest in a rush that sounded ominously like a growl. "I wish you'd stop saying that." He stood up, straightening until he was standing over her. "Okay, fine, you didn't give birth to her. Sharon, lately, when she asks for her mother, it's you that she's wanting. Yeah, she does still ask for her biological mother, but you are all she's got now. She's yours. In all the ways that matter. In all the same ways that Rusty is yours."

"I know that." She lay her hands on his arms. "Andy…" She smiled up at him. Here was the temper that she had expected earlier. "Of course she's mine, I didn't mean it that way. I was speaking in the more literal sense. I love that little girl." She could say it now, with none of the hesitation that she felt in the beginning. "I'm not going to let Jack have her. He doesn't get to do this. He can't walk back in now and decide that he wants to play daddy. He had his chance." Sharon took a step back, she put a more respectable distance between them. "At best, with his history, all he can hope for is visitation. He's gone too far this time."

"There you are." Andy took a step toward her. He let his hand brush hers as he moved back in front of her desk. "What do you want to do about it?" He shoved his hands into his pockets. They were still itching to be planted in Jack Raydor's face. Or wrapped around his neck. Either would suffice, he thought.

"I've already called down to daycare. I've informed them that she is not to be picked up by anyone but you, Rusty or myself, unless otherwise notified. I specifically took Jack off the list, not that I think he'd try that, but I was wrong before. I'll call my lawyer, and we'll go from there." Sharon moved behind her desk again. Her eyes dropped to the papers she was served with. "I'll talk to Rusty tonight."

"Alright." He sighed. "Are you sure we can't just shoot him?"

"Hm." Her lips curved. "Unfortunately, California law does frown on physically injuring another human being. Even when that person is mostly _not_ human and happens to be your ex-husband. I think we'll have to pass this time."

"Damn." His shoulders slumped. "One of these days though…" He was going to lose the hold he had on his temper and his fist was going to get what it was wanting. He'd get to hear Jack's nose crunching beneath his knuckles.

"I'll pretend that I didn't hear that," Sharon smiled indulgently at him.

"You do that." Andy's lips pursed. His brows drew together as he studied her. "So, then… do you want to hold off with the other? You know, Thursday at two o'clock could be postponed."

Her brows lifted. "I… do you?" Sharon blinked. She hadn't realized that he might choose to… delay certain plans in light of Jack's latest blow at her.

"Hell no." Andy shrugged. "I'm there. I might even be on time for once, but if you'd rather wait… we can." He met her gaze and held it. "There's no reason to do everything at once. I'm not going anywhere."

"Well," she said slowly. "I do appreciate that, but the appointment is made. I'd hate to inconvenience my friend the Judge, who was already kind enough to juggle his day for us. There's also the fact that I really dislike the idea of letting Jack further disrupt any part of my life. Especially this part." Sharon's lips curved into a smile. "Nice try, Lieutenant."

"Hey," He held his hands up. "Lady, you're stuck with me. Just my way of making sure you get taken care of too." Andy's head inclined. "You going to be okay?"

"Hm." She shrugged. "I don't really have any choice do I?" Sharon lowered herself behind the desk again. "Jack makes a mess and I clean it up. This time, he has to clean it up himself. I'm no longer legally required to help him." She drew a breath and let it out slowly. "I'll be okay. For now. This isn't really the place to… well, maybe we can talk about it more later?"

"You got it." He backed up toward the door. "I'll head back out before they send in a search party, but I'll be around. You know… in case you need me."

She snorted. "Find a new pickup line."

Andy chuckled as he reached for the door. "Why? That one worked out well enough."

Sharon rolled her eyes as he left her alone. She leaned back in her seat with a hum and let her gaze move to the papers again. Sharon lifted the document and read through it a second time, now that she wasn't reeling from it. As she read, she circled specific passages and made notes for her lawyer.

Jack was seriously going to rue the day.


	13. Chapter 13

Better or Worse

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it.

* * *

><p>"How can he even <em>do <em>that?"

The initial explosion that came from Rusty was not unexpected. Sharon had spent the better part of the last half hour watching him pace while he expressed his feelings on the matter of Jack and his accusations. "Rusty, he can't," she began calmly. She had learned over the course of the last few years that it was always best to let Rusty get the emotions out into the open, and once expelled, then he would be more willing to discuss it calmly. Sharon smiled sadly as he pushed his hands into his hair. It was probably the dozenth time that he'd done that, it was beginning to stand on end. The rigid set of his shoulders, and the shaking in his hands, that coupled with the pain and confusion in his eyes... Sharon was beginning to rethink her stance on Andy's opinion of how to deal with Jack.

With a sigh, she folded her hands together and continued to watch her son pace the length of the living room. She waited until they'd gotten home to sit him down and explain what her ex-husband had done, and what it would mean for all of them. Andy had taken Anna for her. They were stopping for dinner and to do a few other meaningless errands so that Anna wouldn't be home for this part. It gave Rusty the freedom to express himself however he needed.

"But all that happened a long time ago now," he continued, still pacing. "It has _nothing_ to do with now! I don't do that anymore. I don't even understand why it's important. I would _never _hurt Anna, how can he-"

"Okay." Sharon stood and caught his arm as he made another circuit of the room. "Come here." She drew him to the sofa with her and maneuvered him onto it. Then she sat beside him. She held both his arms. "Rusty, no one believes that," she said gently. "Jack doesn't even believe it. This is not about you at all. You are, quite unfortunately, just in his line of fire." Sharon rubbed his arms and sighed. "He's doing this because he's angry at _me_. Just like he did this last summer. I specifically told Jack that I wasn't ready for you to know about the adoption yet. He brought it up with you anyway, he was hoping that it would unsettle you enough, or that you would disagree enough, that I would drop the idea before it had any affect on _him_. I was already thinking about divorce, Rusty, I've thought about it a dozen times over the years. I was simply giving Jack one last chance to prove to me that he was someone that I could count on, and he failed. Miserably. As if that wasn't enough, he brought Ricky into it." She offered him a sad, somewhat rueful smile. This was not something they'd discussed, but perhaps they should have. She should have sat him down long before now and resolved all of those issues. She didn't, she tried too hard to insulate him, just as she had done with her other children where Jack was concerned. It was time to stop repeating that pattern, she decided. "You were right, when you pointed out the issues that Ricky was having with the adoption. I didn't want to see it, and when I did, I didn't want to believe it. Ricky let Jack get into his head, and that is something that Jack is very good at. You have ended up in the middle of this, and I am so unbelievably sorry about that, Rusty." She cupped his chin when he tried to look away from her. "No one believes that your past has anything to do with _now_. Not in the sense that Jack is trying to portray. If anything, it's made you stronger."

Rusty averted his gaze, but he nodded. He rubbed his palms against his jeans and swallowed hard. "Could he..." His stomach pitched and rolled alarmingly. Rusty's jaw clenched. "Could Jack really take Anna away from you?"

"No." Sharon shrugged delicately. "At least I don't think that he can. I don't even believe that he really wants her." She released him and sat back. Sharon folded her hands in her lap. "I spoke with my lawyer about it this afternoon and sent over a copy of the papers with my own notes and how I wanted to counter the suit. I don't want you to worry about that, Rusty. It's going to be taken care of."

"How can I _not_ worry about it, Sharon?" He stared at her, a bit incredulous. Even now she wanted to take all of it on herself. Rusty shook his head at her. "What are you going to do?"

Sharon sighed. She folded her lips together. She had known that he wouldn't let it go so easily. As much as she didn't want him caught in the middle, Jack had already placed him there. "I'm going to fight. My lawyer agrees, your juvenile record is sealed. Jack cannot use it in a legal action against me, and that he's using the fact that he is aware of it through his marriage to me and his adoption of you, could be an ethics violation. I spoke with Gavin about that this afternoon. That's his specialty; since it was a large part of our case against Phillip Stroh and you were involved in the police action to catch Wade Weller, and he's using it now to come after me personally... _after_ our marriage has ended, Gavin is going to... do what he does and go after Jack professionally for threatening a police officer." Sharon glanced away, her eyes clouded with regret. "If anything, I'm hoping that it will make Jack back off and rethink his actions. If not, then he'll have to pay the consequences for those actions. So, I have Gavin handling one end of it, and the lawyer that handled the divorce is taking care of the custody issue. I think it's going to be okay, Rusty. At best all Jack can hope for is visitation. He'll get slapped with child support, and that is the _last_ thing that he wants."

Rusty shifted uncomfortably on the sofa. "What about Lieutenant Flynn?" He shrugged at the surprised look he gave her. "I mean, you guys are doing that thing this week. Where is he in all this?"

"Hm." A small smile tugged at her lips. "By that thing you mean getting married?" Sharon's head inclined and she looked away again. "That's still happening. I haven't spoken to Ricky or Emily about any of this yet, I will when they get here this weekend. As for Andy..." She stressed his name, since Rusty had been asked to start calling him that, given all that was changing. "He's on board. We haven't discussed all of the details of everything I went over with Gavin this afternoon, but we will. And actually..." She smirked. "Jack is in for a bit of a surprise. After Thursday, I will have remarried, and that will make this an even more stable home than it was before, as far as the court is concerned." She waved a hand. "The law is odd."

"Yeah?" Rusty snorted. "No kidding."

She leaned back against the sofa cushions and folded her arms. "It's going to work out, Rusty." She smiled warmly at him. "I'm not going to allow anything else."

"You know, Sharon..." He shook his head. "There are some things that even you can't fix. You know that, right?" As much as he loved her and as hard as she tried, she couldn't sweep away all of the bad. She did always try, though. That was why he believed her when she said it would be okay. Even when it wasn't, it was still somehow _better_ than it had been before.

"I know." She reached out and touched his arm. She gave it a gentle squeeze. "That doesn't mean that we give up."

"Yeah," he rolled his eyes at her. "I know. Sometimes, you're kind of predictable."

"Hm." She hummed. "We'll have to work on that, won't we?"

The glitter in her eyes had him groaning. "No, it's good. Really." Rusty leaned back against the sofa and propped his head up in his hand. "I do have one question."

He'd gone all serious again. Sharon turned toward him and nodded. "Go ahead."

"When is he moving in?" Rusty smirked at her. "I mean, come on, Sharon. Seriously? It's Tuesday. You're getting married in two days and you're still sending the poor guy home at five in the morning to get ready for work. You do get that's not exactly normal? This whole thing is crazy, but _that_ is just nuts!"

Her brow arched. Sharon returned his gaze. "I'll agree, that is a little inconvenient." Her lips pursed. "The thing is, you and I had agreement that there would be a thirty day warning for any changes to current living arrangements. I'm just trying to respect that."

The delivery was almost flawless, however, her mouth began to twitch. When she snorted a laugh, Rusty looked heavenward. "I could tell people how crazy you are, and no one would believe me," he smiled at her, the look filled with affection.

"Oh, I think they might." She covered her face. "I have no idea," Sharon laughed again. "For the first time in my life there are no plans or logistics, it's just..." She waved a hand and shrugged. "Full steam ahead."

Rusty thought about it for a moment. He considered everything he knew, and everything that he _thought _he knew about Sharon. The whole thing was just weird and a little unlike her. Okay, he amended, a lot. "Can I ask why?" When she gave him a curious look, he explained, "you're not really acting like you."

"Ah." She thought about it. "I suppose that I'm not." Her other children had asked too, and Sharon had deflected. She studied Rusty for a moment. He wasn't pushing her for an answer, but he was genuinely curious, and she thought, maybe a little concerned too. Sharon turned on the sofa and drew her legs beneath her. She propped her head in her hand and considered what she might be willing to share with him. It wasn't her habit to discuss certain parts of her personal life, even with her children. "I was very young when I met Jack. Not much older than you are now. We had a lot of dreams, and we made a lot of plans. Very few of them worked out the way that I thought they would. Later, I made other plans, and those didn't work out so well either. What I have learned is that we can plan, and we can dream, but life happens. Sometimes it's pleasant, and other times it isn't. Sometimes things work out the way they should or are meant to, but just as often they don't. That doesn't mean that we stop dreaming, and I don't think that means we should stop planning, but this time..." She smiled, it was gentle and just a bit wistful. "I'm just letting life happen. I am standing out of its way. When Jack came back several months ago, I made a choice that impacted more than just myself. I thought it was the right thing to do, and at the same time, I almost destroyed something very important and precious to me. My _friend_ let me do it, because he thought he was doing what I needed him to do. Were we right? Were we wrong? I don't know, and it's too late now to really figure that out. A funny thing happened, though. Life reasserted itself into all of the plans that I thought were important and right. Maybe I am acting a little unlike myself, or maybe I'm realizing that... I can't fix everything, no matter how hard I try... and there are somethings that don't _need_ to be fixed." She reached across the back of the couch and let her fingers brush his arm. "Remember that, when you start thinking about your life. What doesn't work out isn't always the end of the line. Sometimes it's just a detour. Or it could be a new beginning."

"I will." He smiled back at her. Rusty felt better for having heard it from her, rather than just guessing. He knew she wasn't comfortable discussing these things, and it meant more that she had. It was a little weird, but her gaze shifted when she talked about Flynn, and lit in a way he hadn't really noticed before. Or maybe he just wasn't looking before now. He got it now, all of the things that he was ignoring before. He never completely bought the _not dating _thing before, but it was Sharon, and he trusted her. He didn't have to worry about who she was spending time with. Especially when it was someone else that he trusted. Rusty shook his head and grinned crookedly at her. "Just for the record, you totally get that no one thinks you're just friends anymore, right?"

Sharon laughed. "I think I got it." Her eyes sparkled. "The thing is, Rusty. We are. That's something else that I want you to remember. You're going to fall in love one day, and it will probably even happen more than once. When it does, just keep in mind that you should be friends too. That's where it needs to start, and if it's going to last, any relationship needs that solid foundation to build on." Her brow arched. There was a gleam in her eyes when she added. "So yes, my very good _friend_ needs to figure out when he's moving in. It was all his idea, I can't plan everything." There was a knock at the door that had her head inclining. That would be Andy back with Anna. Sharon pushed herself up from the sofa. "I should probably give him a key too."

Rusty turned his face into his hand and snorted. "You might want to reconsider that not planning thing. At least a little."

"Absolutely not." Sharon grinned. "Keeps him on his toes." She pulled the door open, and just as she'd thought, there was Andy laden down with Anna, her bag, their dinner, and apparently a garment bag. "I think now would be a good time to mention you don't have to knock anymore."

"Cute." Andy looked between the two of them, and finally arched a brow at Sharon. "Everything okay?"

"It is." She held out her arms for Anna and pulled the child to her. Sharon turned away with her and carried the little girl back to the sofa. "I missed you today."

"I missed you too." Anna lay her head against her shoulder and sighed. "Andy wouldn't let me have a puppy," she pouted. "Tell him I can have one."

Sharon's brows lifted. She glanced at him. "He wouldn't?" There was approval in her gaze, but she gave him a questioning look as well.

"They were doing an adoption drive at the pet store down the block from the cafe," Andy explained. He dropped his garment bag on the back of a chair, and Anna's bag into the seat. Then he walked into the kitchen with their dinner. After leaving the office, he'd gone home to grab a few things, it was just a little ridiculous that he didn't have more than a single change of clothes at the condo. Afterward, he and Anna had stopped to pick up dinner. "I believe my exact words were, it's not up to me, ask your mother."

Sharon rolled her eyes at his smirk. "Of course you did. And so it starts," she teased. She tipped Anna's chin up and sought the little girl's gaze. "Puppies are a really big responsibility, and they need a lot of room to run and play. We don't really have a place for that here. I just don't think it's a very good idea."

"Yeah." Rusty got up and moved into the kitchen to inspect the dinner situation. "It might chew your shoes."

Anna gasped. "My shoes?"

Sharon cut a look at the teenager. "Yes. Sometimes puppies like to chew things. Like chessboards." Her gaze found Anna again and she smiled. "Maybe we can discuss it again in a few years, when you're a little older. Okay?"

The little girl sighed, clearly not liking the answer she was being given. "Okay," she pouted.

"That's my girl." Sharon cupped her face and kissed the top of her head. "Go wash up for dinner. Rusty will help you." She set her on the floor and turned her toward the hall. "Go on."

"Right behind you pip." Rusty pulled his wallet out of his back pocket. He took a card out of it, which he slipped to the Lieutenant. "I think you need this more than I do now." Rusty gave his shoulder a pat, and then he followed Anna down the hall.

Andy frowned as he turned it over in his hand. He barked a laugh at the name that was printed on it. He showed it to Sharon when she joined him. "Doctor Joe. I'm not sure, but I think Rusty is trying to tell me something."

"Hm." Sharon joined him at the counter and peeked into the bag he'd brought. "He's worried about you."

"Nah," Andy leaned his hip against the counter. "I think it's more like, welcome to the family, oh by the way, she's insane."

Sharon laughed. "Well, that too." Her nose wrinkled and she poked the bag. "You got burgers."

Andy chuckled. She was cute when she sulked, which wasn't often. "Yeah, well, the kid likes 'em." He regarded her carefully. "How is he?"

"Understandably upset." Sharon shrugged. "He's going to be okay. The one thing we've all learned, time and again, is that Rusty is amazingly resilient."

"Yeah," Andy agreed. "Get's it from his mother." He leaned over and kissed her upturned lips. "Keep looking, I got you a salad." He winked at her and went to retrieve his garment bag so that his suits could be put away before they wrinkled.

Sharon hummed, and smiled when she found two salads, one for each of them. "I'm surprised that's all you brought," she said, indicating the single bag. "At some point, you might actually want to move in."

"I will." Andy grinned back at her. "When you give me a key."

She laughed. Maybe Rusty was right. "Hang on to that card. I think we're going to need it."

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

It was later in the evening and dinner had long since finished when Andy realized that Sharon had never returned from taking Anna to bed. He closed the book that he had been paging through and made his way down the hall to seek her out. A brief glance into Anna's room found the child already sound asleep, and her room cast in the soft glow of the sparkling stars of her night light. Andy eased away from the room and across the hall to Sharon's, which he supposed, was theirs now.

The sound of the shower running drew his attention. His head inclined and he listened. She had left the bathroom door open a few inches, usually an invitation, but as he listened, Andy realized he was hearing more than running water. He pushed quietly into the room. Through the misted over glass of the shower he could see Sharon, head bent and shoulders slumped. They shook with the tears that she was trying so hard to keep muffled. Andy's jaw clenched. He was wanting to go with his first instinct again, the one which would have ended with his knuckles bruised and Jack's nose broken. He pushed the feeling aside, however, and quickly slipped out of the t-shirt and jeans that he changed into prior to dinner.

When the shower door was pulled open, Sharon looked up. There was a slightly startled expression in her red-rimmed eyes. She pressed the back of her hand against her mouth and nose, while another tremor moved through her. Her hand dropped as he joined her. She stepped back to make room for him, and as his hands slipped into the thick, sodden weight of her hair, she drew her bottom lip between her teeth. She pressed her face against his chest as another wave of grief swept over her. "This is why I didn't want to love her," she whispered.

"I know," he said quietly. He gathered her close. It hurt to see her break, even just a little. She had known that loving that child would give Jack the power to hurt her. She had held off as long a she could, as long as her heart would allow. She wouldn't regret it, Andy knew, but it had hurt her. "What can I do?" He hated feeling helpless, but in this, he knew that he needed to follow her lead.

Sharon shook her head. She wrapped her arms around him and held on tightly. "This," she whispered. "Just this."

"This I can do," he rumbled. "This I can _always_ do."

She did not expect that it would bring on another wave of tears, but it did. She drew a thin, shuddering breath and lifted her face. Her fingers were light against the curve of his jaw. She had almost denied them this, and there was a certain amount of grief in that. How could she have turned her back on this, on them, when it had always felt so right. Even at its most complicated, she could not deny or ignore the feeling that settled inside her at knowing that she had this man to love her.

She never expected this. She had definitely not gone looking for it. It didn't happen over night. It began gradually enough, it was exactly as she had told Rusty earlier. They were friends, and then, without her knowing when or how, she began to realize that he was coming to mean more to her. Her heart would beat just a little faster at his touch, and warmth would fill her at his smile. He would look at her in a way that she no longer thought possible, he would be her sounding board, he would have her back, and just as often, he was willing to put himself in front of her when he believed that she was wrong.

How could she not love him? Even when she was walking away from him, he was at her side. In his own way he supported her, even when it hurt him to do so.

Her heart broke a little, at what they had almost lost. All for the sake of a child that she hadn't wanted to let into her heart, and now could not imagine a day without. He pushed her, even then, even when there was little of them left but a shadow, because he had known it would shatter her more if she hadn't at least tried. Because he knew that she was only refusing to acknowledge what had already happened. She wondered how he could know her so well, and so easily, when there was no reason at all in the world that they should work. Except that they did. Somehow, together, so much of what they faced seemed easier to bear and more possible to confront. It was so odd, and yet it felt so right.

Sharon's face lifted, even as she drew him back. The tile was cool and damp against her back. His name was a whisper on her lips. "I need you." She needed to feel more than the weight of the disappointment that was closing in on her, more than the grief and fear that held her heart clenched so tightly in their grasp. She needed him to make her believe again, that anything was possible.

"You have me," he promised her. He met her kiss. There was a desperation it, it was more than the salt of her tears that he could taste on her lips. It was a need that she so rarely expressed, a weakness that she let few see. She turned herself over to him and he drew her closer, held her tighter, and allowed her to break while he put the pieces back together.

Long after they'd left the shower, he continued to hold her. Her hair was a riotous mess of damp and drying curls that tickled his cheek as she lay curled against his side, her head tucked against the crook of his neck. She had claimed his t-shirt, and Andy decided he liked it better on her. One of her legs was curled around his and as her foot stroked his calf, he marveled that her feet were always cold. His hand stroked through her hair, fingers playing in the thick mass. When his fingers brushed her neck, she sighed, and he felt the light press of her lips against the curve of his jaw.

"Does moving in here bother you?" The question drew a surprised look from him. Sharon had been thinking about it for several quiet minutes before finally voicing it. She was wondering at his reticence to bring more than just a few suits, despite the fact that she made sure there was room in her closet. She lifted her head and propped it in her hand. Her other hand, which had been drawing lazy circles against the plain white t-shirt he wore, stilled, and she let it rest against his chest. "I bought this place with Jack. I'd understand if you were reluctant."

"No." His hand moved down her back. Andy watched her eyes, no longer dulled with hurt and grief, now they were questioning, speculative, as they searched him for answers. "You bought it for you, and Rusty, and Anna. Does it bother you?" He moved his other arm behind his head and shifted it, so that he could see her face better. "We can slow it down, Sharon. This doesn't all have to happen at once. Given everything that's happened, if that's what you need to do, then that's what we'll do."

A smile curved her lips. "That's not why I was asking." She moved over him, and let her body stretch out along his. Sharon folded her arms against his chest and rested her head on them, so that she lay atop him. "I can understand where it might feel a little odd moving in now, given why I'm living here. I think what I'm trying to say, and very badly it seems, is that we don't have to do that. I'm not married to this place. We could find something together."

He swept her hair back from her face and tucked a wildly curling lock behind her ear. "Thing is," he rumbled quietly, "doesn't really matter to me where we're living, as long as we're both there." Andy traced the curve of her face with his index finger. It didn't surprise him, really, that she was once again thinking of someone other than herself. It was simply who she was. Even when he knew that she was hurting, she could put it aside. As she was now, for him. Her smile made his heart flutter, emotion warmed him through. "You evaded the question, though." Andy smiled at her. "Do you want to wait?"

"I thought my avoidance was its own answer." She tipped her face closer, kissed the tip of his chin. "I don't want to wait. I want this." She turned her head, hummed quietly as she lay it against his chest. "This, you and me, for as long as we can have it." There were no guarantees in life, especially in their line of work. "I was never supposed to love you. It just happened. I'm not letting go of it now. If that means that people think we're a little crazy, then so be it. Perhaps we are. I don't want to waste a minute more of my life with you on plans or doubts, or second thoughts. I just want to live it."

The hand that had started stroking her hair again stopped, Andy tugged at her, drew her up until their faces were inches apart. "Then I guess we've got a date." His hand cupped her face, his thumb swept across her bottom lip. "Thursday, two o'clock. You and me, and your good friend the judge."

"You and me," she murmured. None of their kids would be there, since it would be the weekend before her two eldest or his son could join them. She had only met his son, Charlie, the once, on the night of the ballet. She found she didn't quite mind that it would only be the two of them. They had plans to get together with the six kids over the weekend, but this was for them, and that was how she liked it. "It's a date," she said, and let her lips brush his.

"Bout time," he rumbled. "Never had to work so hard to get a woman to go out with me before." His hand stroked through her hair again. The sound of her laughter was a balm to him after seeing her break earlier. "I love you," he told her. "I want this too. I'm not going anywhere, Sharon. I'm going to be right here, even if it means waiting a while. Here, my place, wherever. You want to move, we'll move. Or we can stay right here." Andy shrugged. "I go where you go, lady."

"Hm." She kissed him again, let it linger. "I do like the sound of that." Sharon settled against him again, head pillowed against his chest, where she could listen to the steady beat of his heart. "Then let's see what happens. We'll just start from Thursday and go from there." She turned her face into his chest and pressed a kiss there. "I love you, the rest, we can just let fall into place."

In the meantime, there was a custody battle looming ahead. She was going to fight to keep her daughter, and he wasn't going to let her do it alone. Jackson Raydor was about to learn what many others, suspects and witnesses, who had come against them had learned. He might be able to chip away at her alone, but they were stronger together, and damned near unbeatable.


	14. Chapter 14

Better or Worse

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it.

* * *

><p>To the casual onlooker there was nothing at all that was odd or out of the ordinary about a lawyer and a police detective chatting in a courthouse lobby. Jack Raydor certainly felt no qualms in approaching his ex-wife as she stood with that lawyer friend of hers, Gavin Baker. "Now what do we have here?" He was still feeling rather smug and pleased with himself following his meeting with her earlier in the week. "Come to step on the civil rights of some other poor, unfortunate fool that was stupid enough to take one of your deals, Sharon?"<p>

She didn't answer. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction, and she definitely wasn't going to let him ruin this day for her. Instead, Sharon's head inclined while she smiled, a bit too sweetly, at him. It was Gavin that responded. He looked over the rims of his glasses and down his nose at Jack. "They're only unfortunate when they have you for a lawyer."

"Still letting Baker fight your battles for you, Sharon?" Jack shook his head at her. "That's not going to help you in court. I don't remember him being all that versed in family law."

Her brow arched. She looked past Jack, however. A smile slowly curved her lips. Andy had returned from where he'd gone to walk with Provenza as far as the side exit. They had surprised them, his partner and her friend. Although in hindsight, Sharon realized that it probably shouldn't be a surprise at all.

"_If you__'__re going to do something idiotic,_" Provenza had told his partner, "_you__'__re not doing it without me!_"

Gavin wasn't quite so dramatic about it. "_I__'__m just here to make sure you wore the right shoes, sweetie_."

It was, quite possibly, the sweetest thing that either of them had ever done. Not that she would tell _them_ that, of course.

Provenza was headed back to headquarters now, and Sharon had stayed behind to talk to Gavin while Andy walked with him to the exit. She knew that Provenza was trying to talk him into convincing her to _not_ come back to the office that afternoon. She was considering it.

Now, however, Andy stood behind her ex-husband and he wore a look that could only be described as a plea. There was something that he very much wanted to do, and he wouldn't, not unless she agreed. Her eyes crinkled at the corners when she smiled at him. Her gaze moved back to Jack, she didn't want to miss a minute.

Andy almost smirked. He reached out and tapped the shorter, stalkier man on his shoulder. When Jack looked back at him, he took a step forward, and loomed over the other man. "You know, Raydor, I can't figure out if you're just stupid or really that self-involved. Doesn't really matter, and I don't really care. Thing is, either way, I'd appreciate it if you'd get the hell away from my wife."

The wide-eyed, dumbfounded look on his face was worth every second of the confrontation. When he looked at her, Sharon only smiled serenely. Her gaze lifted to Andy, and it was to him that she spoke. "I want to pick Anna up at Daycare, and then I think we should take your partner's advice. There's nothing there that won't wait until tomorrow, I think we can afford to make it an afternoon." As she spoke, her thumb swept over the unfamiliar weight of the ring on her left hand. He surprised her with it. It was a simple, elegant band. She didn't wear much jewelry, something he'd obviously paid attention to.

"Yeah." Andy brushed past Jack and moved to stand beside her. "I was hoping you'd come around to that. It's rare I get to spend so much time with my two best girls." If he was laying it on a little thick for Jack's benefit, well, the other man didn't need to know that. The answering sparkle in Sharon's eyes told him that she didn't mind. His hand brushed her arm. "Ready to go?"

"I am." She lay a hand on his arm and turned. "Gavin, I'll call you in a few days. We'll finish discussing that other matter."

"No problem sweetie." He fluttered his fingers at her in a wave. "Go, have fun. Be naughty." To Andy, he smirked. "I'd have punched him. That was better. I'm beginning to admire your flare for the dramatic." Gavin turned and his smile faded. "Jackson. It's never a pleasure."

He continued to stare at them, mouth slightly agape. "You married _him_?"

"Yes I did." Sharon smiled up at the man that was now her husband. "We should go." If she stayed even a moment later, she'd forget her resolve to ignore Jack and possibly make more of a scene than was needed.

"Come on." His hand moved to her back and he guided her past the other man. Andy walked alongside her, and waited until they stepped through the main exit at the front of the courthouse before he looked down at her. "Okay?"

"I am." She leaned into him as they walked. "Seeing him today was unfortunate, but only I can allow it to affect me. So I am choosing not to." Sharon's eyes glittered happily. "I can't say it wasn't just a little fortuitous, it did save you from having to hunt him down so that you could do that."

"Yeah." Andy grinned. "That was better than punching him in the face." He looked at his watch. "Not bad for having been married half an hour."

She pressed a hand to her mouth as she laughed. "You are horrible."

"Yeah." He slipped an arm around her and drew her close. "Guess you're kind of stuck with me now, though."

"Someone has to keep an eye on you." She leaned into his side, content to allow the embrace as they were off duty and, they had only been married for half an hour. She felt the rumble of his laughter and smiled in response. "Rusty will be in class until four, and then he has a lab until six," she reminded him. "I wouldn't mind staying in tonight. The kids' flights arrive tomorrow night and we've had takeout every night this week. Unless you made other plans?"

"We're not making any plans, remember?" He grinned teasingly at her. "We were going to go back to work, so I figured we'd talk about it later. Staying in sounds great to me." Andy dug out his phone when it began to vibrate in his pocket. He looked over and noticed Sharon doing the same. "On second thought…"

"Good thing we're not making plans." She shook her head and sighed. "So much for making an afternoon of it. Looks like we're going back to work." Sharon swept her thumb across the screen of her phone. "Yes, Lieutenant, what have you got?"

Provenza's voice filled her ear. "Body dump up in Griffith Park. The team is rolling out. The MO matches a couple of cases that Robbery-Homicide has been working. It's being turned over to us. I'd say we can handle it, but our illustrious Assistant Chief may want you present on this one."

"Yes, I think you may be correct." Sharon smiled ruefully at Andy. She imagined he was getting the same update from the text he was reading. "It's not a problem, Lieutenant. We'll meet you there. Have Lieutenant Tao send the exact location, and we'll join you soon."

"Nothing says congrats on getting hitched like a fresh body dump," He snarked. "The location is on its way."

Sharon shook her head as he hung up. "There are times I wonder if he's always been this cheerful."

"You must be talking about Sanchez." Andy smirked. "The words Provenza and cheerful should never be used in the same context." He tucked his phone back into his pocket and arched a brow at her. "So, just another day at the office huh?"

"Hm." She shrugged. "Welcome to our life?"

"I'll take it." He took her elbow and guided her to where they'd left her the car. It was parked two blocks from the main exit. Andy drove while Sharon sent a text to Rusty, letting him know they would probably be working late, and asking him to pick up Anna after his lab.

When they arrived on scene, the pair strode toward where the rest of their team had gathered near the body. It had already been predicted, and thus was no surprise when they found Taylor was also present. Since she had only just arrived and had nothing to give him, Sharon ignored his presence for the moment. Provenza stepped away from the group that consisted of their team and the coroner's assistant to join her. He had her attention immediately, but at the edge of her line of sight she watched Andy join Sanchez and Tao. The former nudged him with a grin while the latter just shook his head and filled him in on what little information they currently had. A small smile curved her lips when he walked around and knelt on Kendall's other side, already diving in with little distraction.

Beside her, Sharon felt another approach. She glanced up and found Chief Taylor waiting patiently while the Lieutenant completed his briefing. When he had, she turned to the Chief. "I understand we're picking this up from Robbery-Homicide, I trust we can expect to have all of their notes and case files delivered quickly?"

"That is already being handled," The chief stated. Her attention was already back on her team, and his brow arched. "I understand congratulations are in order, Captain."

Sharon glanced at her watch. It had now been an hour and ten minutes. News traveled quickly. "I believe so. The necessary forms are on my desk waiting for signatures." She arched a brow at him. "HR will have them this afternoon."

He grunted quietly in response. "Just promise me I won't have to start calling you _Captain Flynn_ and the rest will be fine."

It drew a sharp look from her. "I don't know." Sharon hummed quietly. "It might have a rather nice ring to it." Because it would annoy him, she flashed a pleasant smile and stepped away to join the rest of her people. She would really never understand why some people felt the need to be so unnecessarily boorish.

"Hey Buzz," Andy was holding back to edge of the tarp that the body had been wrapped in. "Did you get these?" With his gloved hand, he pointed out the two ligature marks around the victim's wrist. "Looks postmortem."

"Yeah," Kendall agreed, moving aside slightly when Buzz leaned over to get a better camera view. "So are these," he pointed out the marks on the victim's legs. "She was bound, after she was dead."

"Same MO as the other two." Andy stood from where he knelt. "Any idea when we'll get that information?"

"Robbery-Homicide has already received instruction," Sharon stated. "I'd like someone to go back to the Murder Room and meet them..." Her gaze swept the group. Andy looked only too eager to do it. "Detective Sanchez, Detective Sykes, please handle that for us." Andy shook his head and gave her a knowing smirk, but she only tilted her head at him. "Lieutenant, I'd like you to speak with the young man who found the body."

"Yes ma'am." Andy rounded the body and peeled off his gloves as he went. He shook his head as he walked away. He couldn't completely prevent the small grin that appeared. Welcome to their life. Seemed pretty normal so far.

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

"It was right in front of their faces. How did they miss it?" Mike dropped the file in his hand on his desk and shook his head. They'd just discovered that in each of the locations where a body was found, there was a connection between the individuals who had called it in. It was an immediate red flag for each of them.

"It's Robbery-Homicide," Flynn snorted. "You have to ask?" He took another slice of cheese pizza out of the box and moved back to his desk. "Surprises me they can tie their shoes in the morning."

Sykes leaned forward in her seat to grin at him. "Lieutenant, didn't you use to be Robbery-Homicide?"

"Yeah Flynn," his partner smirked happily. "What division were you in before you came here."

"Hey," Andy pointed at him. "I got out while the getting was good."

"Okay, be all that as it may," Sharon interrupted them, "we know it now. Let's bring our helpful citizens in and see if we can start finding stronger connections between them. I also want to do a more in-depth look at our victims, see if they were connected in some way that our friends in Robbery-Homicide overlooked."

"She means blatantly missed," Provenza drawled. "Stupidly stumbled past, idiotically-"

"Yes, thank you Lieutenant for the translation," Sharon stated. She stood from the edge of the desk that she had been leaning against when she spied Rusty hovering near the entrance to the Murder Room. She waved him inside and walked over to meet him. "Hey. I think we're going to be here most of the night. If you'd like, you can bring Anna up after you pick her up and have dinner here."

"Uh, yeah..." Rusty shifted uncomfortably. "That's going to be a problem." He swallowed hard past the sudden dryness in his throat. Rusty rubbed his hands against his jeans. "Uh, Sharon... Anna wasn't in Daycare. I was kind of hoping she was here..." His stomach clenched, and then rolled pitifully. "Jack signed her out already."

Sharon felt her heart drop. Air rushed out of her lungs in a ragged gasp. "_What_?" It was the sound, thick and raw, surprise tinged with a hint of desperation, that had every head in the room turning. There was a sudden rushing in her ears, loud, drowning out the other sounds in the room. Sharon stepped back from Rusty and turned, while her hands went to the pockets of her jacket to seek out her phone. Her fingers were cold and felt slightly numb when they finally closed around it. They had told him they were picking up Anna, but the rollout would have made the news, given the nature of the case. Sharon drew a breath and let it out slowly while she dialed, and stepped into her office to make that call. She would not allow herself to fully respond until she had spoken to Jack. If he was attempting to teach her a lesson, then it was an act he would regret, that much she could promise him.

He didn't answer. The call didn't go to voicemail either. Instead, it vibrated in her hand. Sharon lowered it. The response was a text, obviously an automatic response. Her breath hissed between her teeth as she read it. "The interesting thing about family law is that without a custody agreement, your badge doesn't mean a thing. I'll see you in court."

Rusty was left standing alone. The attention of the others was split, moving between him and Sharon. Finally he looked at Flynn, who was frowning in the direction that Sharon had gone, a curious expression in his eyes. Rusty drew a breath. "Jack took Anna. Donna, down in Daycare said that she couldn't stop him. Legally, she couldn't do anything."

"Son of a bitch!" Flynn tossed his plate onto his desk and marched into the office. The door slammed behind him, and a second later, the blinds were closed.

Provenza pointed at Julio. "Get on the phone. Call down to traffic, have them run his car. I want him pulled over."

"You can't do that." Mike interrupted even as Sanchez was picking up his phone. "It's not a kidnapping, it's a custodial disagreement. We can't bring him in." When the two men glared at him, the Lieutenant shrugged. He looked miserable about it, but the law was the law.

"So nothing happens?" Rusty shoved his hands into his pockets. He looked at each of them. "He just picks her up at daycare and no one can make him bring her back?"

"Unfortunately no," Buzz said. He walked over to stand next to the boy. "As far as the law is concerned, Anna's father has every right to pick her up and take her home with him. If there's no formal custody arrangement, then he hasn't broken any laws or court orders."

"That's so stupid," Rusty scowled.

"This time," Buzz shrugged, "I would have to agree."

"Then what do we do?" Sykes looked around the room. "We can't just sit here and do nothing. Right?"

"We can have him pulled over," Julio muttered, "And let the uniforms who do it put him cuffs and haul him in."

Provenza ran a hand over his hair. "No." He didn't like it. His eyes narrowed. "No, Mike is right. We can't do that. _Legally_ he hasn't done anything wrong. I think this time we're going to have to just sit and wait, let the courts handle it." He glanced at Rusty. The kid looked miserable. "Which I agree, it's damned stupid." The lieutenant sighed. So much for the celebratory mood they'd all been in. He guessed they wouldn't be having cake later after all. Flynn was right, _son of a bitch_.

Her phone was already pressed against her ear when Andy entered the office. She hadn't made it farther than the chairs in front of the desk, and was leaning against the back of one while she spoke. She looked up and around at the sound of the door. Her eyes were wide, but upon seeing him, she relaxed a small degree. Sharon turned again, and when his hands settled on her shoulders, she leaned back against him. Just once more she would let herself forget _where_ they were and take the solace that was offered.

"I understand all of that, Maddie." There was a tremor in her voice. "Believe me, if I didn't, I'd have already put a want out for him. I want to know what we can do _now_. He took her out of daycare without so much as a notification, we didn't even know that she was missing until Rusty arrived to pick her up." She would having words with the daycare supervisor too. Sharon had specifically removed Jack's name from the list, even if they couldn't legally prevent him from taking Anna, it had at least warranted a courtesy call. With her free hand, she reached up to rub her forehead, already a headache was beginning to build behind her eyes. The lips she felt press against the back of her head made her eyes burn. Sharon's teeth scraped her bottom lip.

Madison Campbell had been handling almost all of Sharon's legal work for most of the last twenty years. She was more than slightly acquainted with the history that was Jack and Sharon, more than because she and Sharon had been college roommates. She had been there for the beginning of it. She had seen the good, the bad, and the incredibly ugly. "There's nothing that I can do tonight," she said gently. "There isn't a judge in this town that I can pull away from his dinner because Sharon has been inconvenienced by Jack." Madison sighed. "I know that sounds harsh, but it's the truth. I don't like the Jackass either, but we have no grounds for an emergency placement order. There is no evidence that Anna is in any danger with him. At best, because this is a custodial dispute, if I tried to play that card she'd end up in foster care while it was settled. I know that's not what you want."

"No, it isn't." Her teeth ground together. The little dig at her relationship, or past relationship to be more exact, with her ex-husband had not gone unnoticed. No, Madison had never cared for Jack. Even when they were all friends, she was not overly fond of him. She was only too happy to handle the divorce. Less happy to handle the adoption. "I'm not going to wait a month while you file all the appropriate briefs. I want this handled. Sooner, not later," she ordered.

"Don't trot out the Darth for me, sweetheart. I remember when you used to blush to the roots of your hair and couldn't say more than three words if you thought someone was looking right at you." Madison snorted. "It's not going to take a month. I'll start making some calls first thing in the morning. With any luck, you'll have her home sometime tomorrow, but there is a very real possibility that this could take some time. It depends on how far Jack is willing to go and what lesson it is that he thinks he's teaching you."

Sharon sighed. Hands squeezed her shoulders. She lay her free hand over one of his. Andy was silent and solid behind her, but she could feel the tension that was coiling through him. That it hadn't snapped yet was something of a miracle, she thought. "He's angry. Jack has never handled rejection well, forget that _he_ was the one that left. I got married today and he knows about it. He's punishing me. He doesn't want her. If I thought for even a minute that Jack wanted to actually grow up and be a father to this child that _he_ created, of course I'd never prevent that. Right now he's not thinking of her at all." Her jaw clenched again. Sharon drew a breath and let it out slowly. "Madison, if we can do it, I want his rights severed this time. That he is willing to put a child in the middle of our problems… no," She glanced at Andy behind her. "I'm done. He's burned the last bridge we had."

"Strictly speaking, I may not have grounds for that," the lawyer replied. "I'll do what I can. If anything, I'll get you sole custody. That he pulled this stunt the same day you got remarried isn't going to do him any favors when we go to court. Sit tight kiddo, I'll work my magic, it just won't be tonight. This is family law, we don't get to play in the same sandbox as you. There are times when I truly wish that we did. Other times, that really works in our favor. Just don't do anything stupid like try to have him arrested and I'll do the rest." Madison paused. "Unless you have grounds to have him arrested?"

Sharon exhaled loudly. "Oh, don't I wish." She let her head hang. "Unfortunately, while Jack may be the most unreliable person on the planet, he hasn't done anything illegal that I know of."

"Then your hands are tied." Madison said, and not without a little sympathy. "Stay tuned. You'll hear from me in the morning."

No, it wasn't what she wanted to hear. Not even remotely. Sharon pinched the bridge of her nose. "Alright. Thank you, Madison."

"Don't thank me yet," she drawled. "You haven't seen the bill yet."

Sharon groaned as the other woman hung up. She turned and let her head drop against the very strong, very solid chest that was waiting for her. "There's nothing we can do," she said quietly. "He hasn't broken any laws."

Andy's hands came up to slide into her hair. "I know." He wished to hell that he didn't. His head bowed and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. His teeth ground together while the muscles between his shoulder blades clenched painfully. "This is on me. I made an ass out of him today."

"No." She lifted her head. "Jack made an ass of himself." Sharon wrapped her hands around his wrists and gripped them tightly. "Andy…" The misery in his dark eyes made her breath catch. "It's me, Andy. With Jack it is always going to boil down to the fact that I stopped needing him. I stopped wanting him, and in the end, I stopped loving him." Her eyes closed and she let go of one more ragged sigh. When she opened them again, the moisture she was only just holding back made them gleam a bit too brightly. "The last night that we were together, Jack realized that there was never going to be anything between us but Anna and our other children. I was trying very hard to bridge that gap, but there was just nothing left. It's not an easy realization to make. Even when it's a crap marriage it's hard to acknowledge that it's really over. What I didn't expect was that he would walk out and leave Anna behind. He did. Now I've moved on and so has she, and he's going to make _me_ pay for that."

He pulled her closer and let his arms circle her. Her pain was a tangible thing. She was letting him hold her and that made him ache all the more. When she folded against him and another tremor ran through her, Andy turned his face into her hair. "We'll get her back," he promised. "Maybe not tonight, but it _will_ happen."

She drew back and lifted her eyes to his face. "She doesn't have her doll, or her bear, or her blanket. She's going to be in an unfamiliar environment. She is going to wake up frightened tonight, and—"

"Don't." Andy watched her bite down on her bottom lip again. It was already a little bruised from the punishment it had taken. "He isn't a complete stranger to her," Andy said, although it pained him to do it. "As far as Anna is concerned she's with her daddy, and she hasn't seen him in a while. She'll be over the moon about that, enough maybe that she'll sleep through the night. Tomorrow we'll start trying to get her back, and with any luck, maybe you'll even be able to appeal to Jack's good sense." _If he had any_, Andy thought. He didn't really believe a word that he said, but he thought she needed to hear it. Just saying the words made his throat ache and bitterness settle in his stomach like lead. It made him just a little nauseous, but Andy reached up and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and added, "She's not missing, Sharon. We know where she is. She's safe."

They lived in a world where that wasn't always the reality that parents were faced with. Sharon could remember a case, not so long ago, that hadn't ended quite so well. A possible custody dispute that was anything but, and two little coffins for a grieving mother. She closed her eyes against the memory and nodded. He was right. They knew where Anna was, and she was safe, so far as they knew. Another tremor ran down her spine. Her hands stroked his forearms. "I know that you're right. I should be grateful for that, and I am. I just don't like it."

"You don't have to." Andy shrugged. "That's just the best I've got." He was better at having something to do, a door to kick in, a face to knock around. It was harder not having a plan of action. It was that helpless feeling, knowing she was hurting and that there was nothing he could do to make it better. "You know, Sharon, if you want to take the kid and get out of here, we've got this. We're going to bring the witnesses in and question them, and there's still a lot of leg work to be done. We don't really need you here for that, we've got it pretty covered."

"Hm." A small smile tugged at her lips. "No." She drew a breath and let it out slowly. "I'll just worry, and not have anything to focus on. At least here I'll be busy. No," she said again. "It's okay. I'll stay. I'll get Rusty to stay, he can camp out in his cubicle until we're ready to leave." The tension hadn't left him yet. Her hands moved to his chest. "For the record, your best, works very well. Andy…" There was more that she wanted to say. So much more. Her head tilted and she smiled fondly. "I know this isn't easy for you either. I'm sorry that you're caught in the middle."

"I'm not." His hands dropped to her arms, stroked them gently. "I'm right where I want to be. I go where you go, remember?" He took her hands and held them. His thumb swept over the cool smoothness of the ring that now adorned her finger. "We're in this together. The good and the bad."

"Yes." Sharon decided that, just this once, she could let them slide over the line of propriety. She'd blame it on the events of the day. She tipped her face up and let her lips brush his. The kiss was soft, and it was brief. She hummed quietly and let her fingertips brush his cheek. "Thank you… for being here." Her eyes shone brightly up at him, moisture pooled again. "When I needed you."

"Always." He kissed her brow. "I'd better go." Andy sighed. It was the last thing that he wanted to do, but there was still a case to be worked, and he should send Rusty in. The kid would be beside himself by now. "Okay?"

"No." Sharon drew away from him. "It will be." It was just going to take time. She looked beyond him, to the door and sighed. "Will you send Rusty in?"

"You got it." Andy stepped back. He stopped at the door and looked at her again. "You know, it's hard to find a new pickup line when you keep using that one."

Sharon chuckled, the sound was full of more mirth than she felt. "I guess it's something we'll just have to work on." Her brow arched. "Back to work, Lieutenant."

"Yes, Captain." He stepped through the door and pulled it closed behind him. All eyes were immediately on him. "Rusty," he jerked his head behind him. Andy walked over to his desk and picked up the case file he had been working on before the kid arrived. He waited for the teenager to step into the office before he sighed. "Lawyer is on it," he told the others. "In the meantime…"

Life wouldn't stop because it was getting a little difficult. All they could do was push through it, keep doing their best… and pray that the rest would work out.


	15. Chapter 15

Better or Worse

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it.

* * *

><p>"Momma!"<p>

For the last three hours the child had been crying for nothing else. It all started out well enough. After he picked her up, Jack had taken Anna and they had gotten something to eat. He only had the little one bedroom apartment, but he figured they'd manage for a couple of days. Anna was happy enough to play after dinner. When it was time for bed, she started asking for Sharon.

Jack wasn't surprised, he figured that would happen sooner or later. He pacified the kid, told her they'd see her soon. Which was true enough, he didn't expect that Sharon would sit on this and they'd be in court, probably within the week. After he put her down to bed, Jack thought he was home free. It couldn't be all that hard, right?

That was until Anna woke up crying. He thought she'd be over all that by now. That apparently wasn't the case. She wasn't settling down as easy as he recalled, but then, it usually took Sharon to get her to do that. It wasn't something that Jack wanted to admit. He tried all the tricks. He walked with her, told stories, showed her pictures. He even told her about her real mother. Nothing worked. Anna cried harder.

"I want my momma!"

The crying had gotten louder and more intense as the night wore on. Now she was choking on it, gagging on her tears as she sobbed. She kicked and she slapped, lost in a full blown tantrum. As her voice reached a particularly high shriek that made him cringe, Jack ran a hand through his hair. "Goddamnit Anna! She's not your momma, and she's not here! Cut it out!"

Big blue eyes, red-rimmed and tear filled got wide. She stared at him. For the space of just a few heartbeats she was completely silent, mouth slightly ajar. Slowly her face began to crumble. She leaned over, face in her hands and began crying anew. The sobs racked her little body, and breaths came in great hiccuping gasps. "Momma…" She mewed pitifully.

"Hell." Jack picked up one of the throw pillows from his shabby little couch and tossed it across the small living room. "Okay, alright." He reached over and picked her up. He felt wretched at that. "Shh…" He bounced her and rubbed her back. "I know. Dad's a jerk. It's okay, baby, I didn't mean it."

Anna sniffled and sobbed again. "Momma angels too?"

That drew Jack's pacing up short. He stopped, a hand on her hair and looked down at the child. "No." He frowned. "No, she's not with the angels too. She's just not here."

"Can we see her?" She continued to cry. "I want my momma."

Jack sighed. "Yeah," he shook his head. "Yeah, we can go see her." This was not how he planned for this to go. He didn't expect to have to admit defeat after only a few hours. He shook his head and sighed again, a little bitterly. "Let's go see if we can find her." He carried her around the apartment and gathered her things. Anna was going back to her mother.

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

It was late by the time they got home. Almost midnight. They'd gone as far as they could in a single night, but Sharon hadn't been ready to leave yet. Andy understood that. If it hadn't been for Rusty yawning as he read through one of his text books he didn't think he ever would have gotten her out of there. She didn't want to send Rusty home alone, and that was the card that Andy played, quite shamelessly, to get her to leave. Okay, he got his partner to play it and now he owed Provenza one, but Sharon left and that was what mattered.

Now she was standing inside the door to Anna's room, leaning against the frame. Her heels were gone, and her arms were wrapped tightly around her body. There was no hesitation when he slipped his arms around her and drew her back against his chest. His chin dipped and rested against her shoulder. Andy's hands slid across her stomach, and when hers covered them, he turned his face into her neck. "I know you don't want to, but you should sleep." He didn't much want to either, but staying up all night and running themselves ragged wouldn't do anyone any good, least of all Anna.

"I will." Sharon pulled his arms more tightly around her and leaned into his embrace. "This isn't how I imagined we'd be spending this night." Her eyes closed and she let out a shaky breath. "How selfish is that?"

Her voice hitched. He felt it in the answering tightening of his heart. "It's not. I didn't exactly picture this either. It's pretty normal, I think." His lips brushed the curve of her jaw where it met her ear. "I was going to talk you into the tub after putting the kids to bed, thank anyone who would listen that you were crazy enough to go through with getting married today."

Moisture stung her eyes. Sharon leaned her head against his and drew a ragged breath. "And now?" She asked quietly, voice low, and unusually small.

"I just want to put you to bed. I've been doing the thanking since I put that ring on your finger." He pressed a kiss into her hair. "Come on," Andy tugged her away from the door. "Let's shut it down for the night. Try to anyway," he amended, doubting she'd really sleep.

"Hm." She turned into him as they moved away, but Sharon looked back. The room with it's lavender walls and colorful prints was cheerful, and just a bit hopeful. She didn't want to move away from that, but she let herself be tugged across the hall. She walked into her own room with its beige walls and earth tones and sighed quietly. When Andy kissed the back of her head she managed a small smile. Sharon walked to the dresser and tugged one of his t-shirts out of a drawer. He still needed to move in properly. He only had a precious few items there, and among them the t-shirt was her favorite.

Andy took both their guns from the dresser and placed them in the lockbox. He put it in the top of the closet while she changed. It was habit now. He almost hesitated as he drew his hand back. Anna wasn't there for it to be an issue. His eyes closed and his jaw clenched. He shook his head and drew away from the closet. Andy toed off his shoes and shucked off his clothes. He slipped into a pair of flannel pajama pants and a plain white t-shirt, then dropped onto the bed beside his wife.

She watched his mouth curve, the smile small, but there. Sharon's head tilted at the slightly incredulous look on his face. "What?" She reached out and touched his arm, fingers light.

He grunted quietly. "It's been a long time since I thought the word_ wife_ in relation to anyone. It's going to take some getting used to." Andy looked at her and shrugged. "Weird thought to be having right now."

"No." Sharon crawled over and into his lap. "Not really." Her arms moved around his neck and she settled against his chest, body curled against him. "It's still very new. It's going to take some getting used to. I wasn't exactly expecting to be using it again either. If I didn't mention it earlier… I love you."

"I think you might have." His hands stroked her back. "Never hurts to hear it again." He reached up and swept her hair back. "You know, despite how the day turned out. I don't have any regrets about how it started."

"Neither do I." Her lips were gentle, light against his. Sharon went easily when he drew her down. She settled against his chest, head pillowed against his shoulder. "When we get her back, I promise I'll make this up to you."

A scowl drew his brows together. Andy looked down at her. "Sharon, there's nothing to make up. I love you." He tipped her chin up so that he was looking in her eyes. "You know, I love that kid too. She's pretty great. We're going to get her back," he said, stressing it. "This, you and me, right here… it's enough. I know what I've got."

Sharon gave him a watery smile. She raised up and gripped his chin. She kissed him, and let it linger only a moment. "So do I," she whispered. She hummed quietly and tucked her face into his neck as she burrowed closer. "I get to come home every night with my best friend. That's something I wouldn't trade."

His hand slid into her hair to grip the back of her head. "Neither would I." He dropped a kiss against her brow and rested his head against hers.

The knocking took them by surprise. They weren't accustomed to getting visitors in the middle of the night. Sharon had sent Rusty to bed, so unless the kid had spoken to Ricky at some point earlier in the night, they weren't expecting anyone. "I'll get it. I'm betting your boys have been conspiring against you again." Andy slid out from beneath her and dropped a kiss on her mouth before rolling off the bed.

"They didn't cut you into it?" Sharon raised up on her elbows. "I'm going to need to talk to them. They're still so young. They have so much to learn. It's not a real conspiracy unless all my guys are conspiring against me."

"I'm going to remember that," Andy snorted. "The first time you're pissed because we did it." He pointed at her. "Go to sleep."

Sharon snorted. She rolled from the bed and reached for her robe. Honestly, he was forgetting just how _well_ she took orders. She thought a reminder might be in order once life settled down for them again. "If that's Ricky, I may need to calm him down," she said.

Andy shook his head. "Stubborn." He made his way down the hall. Rusty poked his head out his door. "Go back to bed, kid. We've got it."

"Who is it?" Rusty rubbed a hand over his hair and made it stand on end.

"Your brother most likely." Sharon walked past him. "Go back to bed, honey. It's fine."

Andy flipped the lock and tugged at the door. He drew a breath at the sight beyond it. He took a step back. "Jack." The man had looked better. He was rumpled, tired, but it wasn't really him that Andy paid attention to. Anna's face was tear-stained and blotchy. Her ponytail was askew, and he could see that she had rubbed her eyes to the point of being bruised. His jaw clamped shut. It looked like she'd been through hell in a matter of only a few hours.

The sound of the name drew Sharon to his side. She could care less that her robe had fallen open and that she wore only a t-shirt beneath it. She held out her arms at the same moment that Anna threw herself forward. "Momma!"

"Hi baby." She turned away from both men and carried her child deeper into the apartment, lest her father try to take her away again. Sharon gripped the back of her head and held her tightly. She pressed her face into Anna's hair and inhaled deeply. The little girl was crying and trembling in her arms. "Shh," she crooned gently. "It's okay, I'm right here."

"You went away and I couldn't find you." Anna buried her face in her neck and locked her little arms around her neck.

"You found me now," Sharon assured her. There was part of her that wanted to sob in relief. But she turned slightly, and glared hotly at the man who'd caused such grief in a child so small. Never before had she felt such a need to express violence to another human being. She had come close, the night she listened to Sharon Beck proposition her son to sell himself for her bail money. But Rusty could defend himself. He could look at his mother and say no. The child in her arms was small, defenseless, and she had already lost so much.

Jack bowed his head. He let the bag slide off his arm and dropped it just inside the door. "She kept crying for you," he said. "I wasn't going to let her cry all night."

Sharon couldn't speak. She couldn't even look at him for a second longer. She turned away from him. Her gaze met Andy's. In his eyes she saw the same darkness that she felt, the same anger. Sharon pressed her lips against her daughter's hair and moved away with her. "Let's go find Sofia," she murmured.

The little voice had cut right through him. Andy watched his wife carry her daughter down the hall, near to tears herself. He breathed out slowly as they disappeared, and counted silently. When he heard a door close, he turned. His dark eyes flashed, nearly black. He caught the front of Jack's shirt and pressed him against the wall, nearest the door. His arm pressed across his neck and he leaned in, towering over the other man. His voice rumbled, low and threatening, while his lip curled in a snarl. "You're going to listen, and you're going to heed every word you son of a bitch. I don't know what game you think you're playing, but its over. You're going to walk away." When he felt the push back, Andy pressed harder. His knuckles itched to be buried in the man's face, but he held back. "You're going to stay the hell away from both of them, and maybe, someday, when Sharon decides you're worth remembering, she'll give you a call. Until then you don't call her. You don't look at her. You don't come near her. Ricky and Emily, that's up to them. Anna's too young to know better, I'm making it for her." Andy let him go and stepped back. He held the door.

Jack reached up and rubbed his neck. He stumbled as he was let go. "You can't do that," he said weakly, miserably. "Sharon doesn't like people making her decisions for her."

"You really are a moron. She made the decision herself when she walked away and left you with me." Andy grabbed his arm and shoved him out the door. "Remember what I said. Or just maybe I'll decide to mess up that pretty face. My wife doesn't like it when I fight, but it'd be worth a night or two on the couch." Andy flung the door closed. It wasn't nearly as satisfying as punching him would have been, but he'd take it. He took a moment to run a hand through his hair. Then he exhaled quietly. When Andy turned, he spied Rusty standing at the end of the hall, watching him. "Uh…"

"I'd have hit him," Rusty shrugged. "So she's back?"

"She's back." Andy walked toward him. He lay a hand on his shoulder. "Go on back to bed. She's had a rough night, but she'll be okay."

Rusty winced. "She had one of her dreams. Probably one of her fits. God that sucks. Sharon's the only one who can settle her down after one of them."

"Yeah, it really does." Andy shrugged. "At least he had the good sense to bring her home."

"If that's what you'd call it." Rusty moved into his room. "Let me know if I can do anything."

"Sleep," Andy instructed. "That's what you can do. It'll be fine kid." He stood in the hall and waited for Rusty's door to close. When it had, he continued on. The light in Anna's room was still off. That didn't surprise him. Andy pushed into the room that belonged to the two of them now. He let the door close behind him, but stood near it for a moment.

Sharon was laying across the bed with Anna curled against her chest. She was stroking her hair with one hand, in the other there was a washcloth. Slowly, carefully, she was wiping away all of the evidence of Anna's tears. They were both speaking quietly, nonsense mostly, about the doll and Anna's room, and anything else that the child brought up that she felt was relevant to the moment.

Her robe was gone, dropped carelessly to the floor beside the bed. Andy walked over and scooped it up. He tossed it onto the padded bench at the foot of the bed. Then he lowered himself onto the mattress alongside them. Andy stretched out behind Anna and propped his head in his hand. "Hey." He tapped her shoulder. When she looked up at him, eyes still a bit haunted, he really wished that he had punched the son of a bitch in the face. It wouldn't fix it, though, so he tried to push that away. "Mind if I hang out too?"

Anna shook her head and scooted closer to Sharon to make more room. "Where did you go?"

To her, she wasn't the one who had been missing. It was all of the people in her life that had suddenly been gone. It was how Anna equated to loss. She'd lost her mother and then she had gone to live somewhere else. Andy's nose wrinkled. "I had to work. I gotta catch the bad guys."

She continued to watch him, eyes wide. "Dirtbags."

He almost wanted to cry himself, and noticed that Sharon had glanced away. He watched her sweep away a single tear. Andy nodded. "Yeah, you got it kid." He pushed a damp lock of hair away from her forehead. "Where did you go?"

Anna sniffled. "I was at my daddy's." She shook her head. "I didn't like it." She rolled toward Sharon and snuggled close. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her doll. "He was mean, he yelled at me." She rubbed her face in the front of Sharon's t-shirt. "Can I stay here?"

"Yes." Sharon thought she might want to shoot him. She pressed her lips against the top of Anna's head and curled her arms around her. "Oh baby, you're not going anywhere, okay? This is where you live. With me and Rusty, and Andy."

Anna tipped her head back. Her eyes peeked out again. "Andy too?"

"That's right." Andy answered. "Your mom took pity on an old guy. We got married today." His hand smoothed over her hair. "Did she show you the pretty ring?" When Anna shook her head, as he knew she would, he reached for Sharon's hand and drew it into her line of sight. "What do you think?"

"Ooh." Anna reached out to touch it. "It's pretty." She yawned widely and turned her face back into Sharon's chest. Her eyes drooped. "Is he my new daddy now?"

"Hm." Sharon tugged the hair band free of the child's baby soft dark hair and combed her fingers through it. "That's a little more complicated, Anna. Your daddy is still your daddy," as much as she hated the thought currently.

"Mmhm," Anna blinked sleepily. "But my momma is still my momma and you're my momma too," she reasoned. She sighed as she snuggled in and closed her eyes. "He can be my now daddy," she decided.

From across Anna's form, Sharon arched a brow at him. Andy shrugged. "Sounds good to me." He reached across and tucked a lock of dark hair behind his wife's ear. He could handle that, if it made them both happy.

"Hm." Sharon hummed. She turned her face into his hand. Anna was slowly relaxing against her. When he leaned toward her, she lifted her face to his. Once again she was laying in her bed with a man that was her husband and a child nestled between them. This time, when she was kissed, her lips curved. She settled down with the child in her arms. Fleeing was the furthest thing from her mind. This time it didn't feel hollow or forced. There wasn't an emptiness inside her. Instead she thought it felt pretty damned perfect.

It was a child she hadn't wanted, and a man she never imagined herself wanting. All the plans she had made, and yet life happened instead. The only fault she could find in it were the tears she had wiped away from the face that was nestled close to her heart. That, at least, was something that she thought she could fix. It was the only thing that she wanted to fix. The rest… she would take it.


	16. Chapter 16

Better or Worse

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it.

* * *

><p>"What are you thinking? You've been awfully quiet." A quiet trickle joined the soft rumble of his voice as he squeezed water from a sponge to trail down her arm. Andy was seated in the bathtub with his wife reclining against his chest. Her hair was twisted into a loose and messy bun, damp tendrils curled against her neck. Her skin was flushed from the heat of the water. Andy pressed a kiss to her shoulder.<p>

It had been a good day, he thought. They had postponed their plans with the children. With everything that happened with Jack and Anna, Sharon hadn't wanted to overwhelm the little girl or the very disappointed son and daughter that her first marriage had produced. So they had waited. They pushed back the official celebration of their marriage until the following weekend. It was a good idea. Andy was opposed to it at first. He didn't want Sharon to deny herself something he knew she was looking forward to. In the end, it was the right thing to do.

They used that week wisely. Sharon spoke to her lawyer again that Friday. They spent the better part of the next week ironing out the details. In the end, an agreement was reached with Jack Raydor. He would not sign away his parental rights to Anna; and Sharon wouldn't push him to, despite her initial thoughts on the matter, not for Anna or for him. She did it for the sake of her other children and the cohesion of a family that she was still trying to hold together, even if she didn't consider Jack to be family any longer. What they settled on was sole custody of Anna going to Sharon _and_ her husband. Jack would be allowed visitation, but only when requested in advance and only at the convenience of Anna's daily routine. There would be no more unannounced visits, no unscheduled pick-ups.

If anything happened to Sharon, Anna would remain with her stepfather. She would stay with Andy unless he was otherwise incapable of caring for her, and then she would go to Emily. That was her daughter's idea. Emily offered to take her sister if the day ever arrived that a new guardian was needed. Her career wasn't more important than family; she promised her mother she would make it work. Andy saw a good deal of Sharon in that girl, he believed she would make it happen. He hoped like hell that day would never come, but life was unpredictable and they had no guarantees.

Where Jack was concerned, Sharon would probably never forgive him. She would sure as hell never trust him again. As she had said, he'd burned the last bridge they had. Whatever relationship that remained with his children, Sharon was no longer facilitating it, but she wasn't standing in the way of it either.

It finally gave her some closure, the custody agreement with Jack. She could breathe a little easier now. Anna didn't seem to realize that anything had happened. She'd had a scary night, and her daddy had yelled at her. That was the sum total of the experience for her, and it was quickly fading. She wasn't asking about Jack anymore. She was too young for them to really say for sure, but it looked like he might have burned a bridge there too. Children were resilient. Sharon knew that she would bounce back soon.

"Nothing. Everything." She finally replied, her voice was soft in the quiet room. There was only the rustle of the water when she moved. She slid her foot along his calf and sighed. Her heart was still aching in some ways, from the decisions that had been made that week and the reasons behind all of it. "I was thinking about where all of this started and how it ended up," Sharon admitted. "How odd it is, that we can envision one thing, and yet something else may develop." Her fingers stroked the length of his arm as it lay curled around her waist, from wrist to elbow, the touch light.

He made a low sound, similar to one of her hums. His lips brushed her shoulder. He let the sponge drop and lifted his hand to trace the spattering of freckles that colored her pale skin. "Sure as hell isn't what I imagined." He knew that she wasn't necessarily talking about them. She had been a little introspective this week. That was understandable. She was trying to reconcile what she knew with what had been.

"No, it really isn't." She turned her face and rested her forehead against the curve of his jaw. A smile curved her lips. "If anyone told me, when we met, that we'd be sitting here now… I'd have sent them for a psych eval." She felt the laughter rumble in his chest, it warmed her, more even than the steam rising from the water that surrounded them. "It was a good day, wasn't it?"

Of all of their children, only Nicole and Rusty had seen the evolution of their relationship and only at a distance. It wasn't only their lives that they were blending, it was an entire family, two sets of grown children. At least, that was where they were starting. It's where their attention was focused. They both had siblings, and there were her very surprised and cautiously optimistic parents for him to meet. It would come in time. There was no rush, despite how quickly everything seemed to have progressed.

The most important factor was the children. The day had been spent with them. It was a casual gathering, one that Nicole had gladly hosted. The weather was mild enough to allow for the use of her large backyard. The three children, her boys and Anna had spent the day playing. Whatever disappointment that Emily and Ricky still felt at their father was put aside for the day. They were all, with the exception of Rusty and Anna, roughly the same age. Grown adults with lives of their own, and if not completely accepting of a sudden marriage, at least respectful of it. His son was still so cautious of him, but he came. He smiled and he laughed, and he told stories of his father - those that he could remember. Likewise Sharon had Emily and Ricky, more than willing to share their own stories.

It was a start. They couldn't expect that there wouldn't be bumps along the way. As they found their way, so too would the children.

"Yeah," Andy took her hand, stroked the delicate fingers. "It was a pretty good day. They think we're nuts. It's good. At least we know they're paying attention."

Sharon chuckled quietly. "I don't know, I think your son has you pegged."

Charlie looked a lot like his father, right down to the lopsided grin. When he had simply shook his head at Andy and said "_You married your boss? Way to go dad._" Sharon could have almost been looking at a much younger version of her husband. The cocky one that used to spend a lot of time in her office.

"Wish he'd quit telling everyone my secrets." Andy sighed. "If everyone figures out I married my boss to stay out of trouble, I'm screwed."

"Oh Andy…" She clucked her tongue at him. "You're still screwed. I don't handle your discipline anymore." Sharon gave his knee a light, playful pat.

"Yeah. Maybe I should have called Doctor Joe when Rusty suggested it…" When she elbowed him, he kissed the side of her head. "It was a very good day, Sharon," he said, turning serious again. "The kids are okay, all of them. Even Anna."

"Hmm." She smiled. "Yes. We should get together with Nicole and the boys more often. It's good that she has more children around nearer her age. Especially family." Inevitably, thinking of Anna and her place in the family had her thoughts turning to Jack again. That would fade in time. That hurt was still too fresh. "He will eventually want to see her," Sharon said quietly. "He's never going to be completely out of our lives. Even if it weren't for Anna—"

"There's still Emily and Ricky," Andy responded. "I know. He's their father too, and as much of a bastard as we think he is… that's not a fact that we can reverse or should." He sighed. "Hell, don't ask me. I still want to knock the hell out of the son of a bitch. Thing is, I wasn't always a decent dad either. My ex cut me out of Nicole and Charlie's life because of it. I had to work hard, damned hard, to find my way back in."

"In the end, I think it hurt them more." Sharon shook her head. "I wish that I _knew_ that I was doing the right thing." She felt his lips at her shoulder again and let her eyes close. "I've forgiven him so much over the years. This time I can't, I won't." His arms wrapped around her again and she lay hers atop them. "I know, I'm sorry. I sound like a broken record. I should put it out of my mind."

"He hurt you," Andy said. His voice rumbled quietly against her ear. "He knows that your weakness is your kids. It's why he always plays on it. It's not even really about him. You're always going to try to do what you think is best for them, even at the expense of yourself. It's who you are. It's why you held on to Rusty so tightly, even when you were in danger too. It's why you took Anna in, so that Emily and Ricky wouldn't need to. It's why you tried to reconcile with a man you were no longer in love with, so that a child that wasn't yours would have a shot at a family, even a slightly dysfunctional one. You're disappointed in him." Andy tipped her head up and looked down into her eyes. "That's okay."

"When did you get to be so patient and understanding?" Her brows lifted. "Who are you and where is the Andy Flynn that kicks down doors and drives me insane with the amount of paperwork that it produces?"

He snorted a laugh. "Patient? I'd still kick the hell out of him if I had a chance. I'm just trying to stay off the couch." He lowered a light kiss to her lips. "Look, I've had more chances than I probably deserved over the years. So I get it. I've been there, and my family is just as dysfunctional. None of us are perfect, Sharon. You're doing the best you can, and that's all that anyone can ask. When Emily and Ricky look back on their lives, they see that you've tried. They know that you love them. When Anna looks back, that's what she's going to see too. I don't know what else you can do. You've made sure that she is taken care of, and that she will always be taken care of. Sooner or later, you're going to have to forgive yourself."

Sharon groaned. She tucked her head against his neck and sighed. "There are times when I hate that you can read me so well." She was just as disappointed in herself as she was in Jack. That was the crux of it all. "I enabled his behavior all those years. There were times when it was just easier to give in than it was to deal with him. Ultimately, all of this comes back to me."

"I don't think so." He picked up the sponge again, went back to sliding along her body. "He's a grown man. No one was responsible for his actions but himself. You played your part, and we all make mistakes. The difference is, you tried to do better." Andy grinned. "Isn't that what you're always telling me about my past? It goes both ways, you know."

She smiled. "You're using my pep talks against me now. I think you've gotten arrogant. I should send you to a training seminar of some kind. That's always worked in the past."

"You could try," Andy smirked. "End of the day, I'm still comin' home to you, sweetheart. Besides, you're not the keeper of the evil seminars anymore."

"Yes, but I still know people," she drawled. Sharon sat up and turned in his arms. She slid her arms around him as she settled, straddling his lap. It wasn't entirely comfortable, but the water had started to cool, so they wouldn't be spending much longer in the tub anyway. "I have been thinking…" She drew her bottom lip between her teeth. Her eyes sparkled when his brows lifted. She could see him bracing himself. "Nicole can't be expected to host all of our family events."

"No," he said carefully. "She really can't be." Andy's brows drew together. "What do you have in mind?" It frightened him, sometimes, the way her mind worked.

"We talked about staying here or not," she continued. "I know that we're perfectly content here, but it is a little small when we take into account pulling everyone together. At some point it's going to be a nightmare, there will be your kids, my kids, their kids…" Sharon shook her head. "What if we looked at a few houses…"

"A house?" Andy stared at her. "I thought you didn't want a house." His head tilted. "Rusty said you were pretty adamant about that when you got this place." His hands slid up her back. "You know, I'm sure we'd figure something out. We could make this place work for us."

"I know." She smiled at him. "But there isn't really a lot of time or opportunity to take Anna to the park, and she did enjoy herself today, didn't she?" Sharon ducked her head for a moment and sighed. "You're right, I had a house, and I sold it. I paid college tuition, and debts, and invested well. It was the home that my children were raised in, and it was a place that Jack and I were once happy in. I didn't want another house. I didn't want to move backward. I don't think _we_ would be, Andy. It would be a place for Anna to grow up, and if we're lucky, someday it would be a nice place to be while we raise our grandchildren." Her eyes were bright as she watched him piece together what she was saying. "That wasn't a dream that I wanted with him. I wouldn't mind chasing it with you."

He slid his hand into her hair, let his thumb stroke the curve of her cheek. "We could think about getting Anna that puppy." Andy tugged her down, kissed her gently. "There would be plenty of room for Rusty, and the others could visit whenever they wanted."

"Even Charlie," she said gently. "As often as they wanted." She smiled against his lips. "Yes, we could _think about_ getting Anna that puppy. We could think about doing a lot of things. It would be nice, wouldn't it? Even just to look…" Just to dream, imagine what might be.

"It would be," he agreed. Andy kissed her again. "We can look. It's fine by me. Like I said, I go where you go. Won't you miss your view?" He grinned at her, knowing how much she loved her high rise life.

"So we'll get a house in the hills." Sharon shifted against him. "I'll still have my view." She slid her hands along his shoulders. "It doesn't have to happen right away. There's time."

"Yeah." He curled an arm around her waist and sat forward. "We could even talk about it later." He watched her eyes darken. Andy sat her away from him. He rose easily and stepped out of the tub. He held out a towel and smiled when she stepped into it. His arms wrapped around her and she was drawn flush against him. When she tipped her face up, he angled his mouth over hers. A soft knock at the bathroom door had him laughing. "A lot later."

"Momma?"

Sharon moaned quietly and let her head drop against his chest. They had put Anna down to bed, but three times in the last week she had come looking for them, only to spend the rest of the night nestled between them. "At least she's knocking. Emily had to learn that lesson the hard way." She sighed quietly and stepped away from him. Sharon walked to the door and eased it open. "Five minutes, Anna. Let me get dressed."

The little girl pouted. "I can't find Andy."

His head appeared over Sharon's, after he pulled a towel around his waist. "We'll be out in a minute. Go find your doll."

Anna's nose wrinkled. "Boys and girls don't take baths together. That's gross!"

"Exactly." Andy reached out and turned the little girl. "You just keep thinking that. Now scoot."

Sharon giggled softly. "You know, they do eventually grow up and stop thinking boys are gross, right?"

"Third time is the charm, that one is going to the convent." Andy waited for Anna to be gone before he stepped out to find a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. "It stands to reason, between the two of us, we'll get it right this time."

"Hm." Sharon slipped into a comfortable, cotton night gown. "You know, my father thought the exact same thing and look at me now."

"Thank god for that." Andy walked past her and his hand bounced playfully off her bottom. It earned him an arched brow, to which he only grinned. "Don't look at me like that. I can appreciate that your father was wrong. But it is my testosterone given right to think I'm going to shoot any boy who comes near her in the face."

Sharon rolled her eyes at him. She walked over and opened their bedroom door and called Anna back in. "Funny how Jake looks amazingly unscarred. I've never known your aim to be so bad before."

"Well, you know how it is." Andy dropped onto the bed with a smirk. "The recoil on those beanbag guns is horrible."

She groaned. "Your quest for a new pickup line fails again." Anna trotted past her toward the bed and Sharon pushed the door closed again. "I'm beginning to worry about you. I'm afraid you're starting to let yourself go."

"There could be some truth in that." He held back the blankets as Anna crawled into the bed. When Sharon joined them, he winked at her. "I mean, I've already got you. Why do I have to keep trying so hard?"

She lay down with a sigh. "I didn't even get a honeymoon and already the romance is gone." Sharon settled on her side and drew Anna against her chest.

Andy got comfortable on his back, a hand tucked behind his head. "Oh, it's not gone. It's on hold for about…" He glanced at Anna then at the clock. "About the next forty-five minutes." Or however long it would take the little girl to fall asleep.

"Mmhm." They said that every time Anna climbed into bed with them. Somehow they always failed to put her back in her own. Sharon arched a brow at him. "I think we'll see how that works out."

"Yeah," He flashed a crooked grin at her. "It's not looking too bad so far." He nodded to Anna who was already dozing off.

"You know, from where I'm laying," She smiled up at him. "It's not looking bad at all."

Andy leaned over Anna, careful not to jostle her. He pressed a kiss to his wife's mouth. "No, it really isn't." He moved onto his side and draped his arm across the pair of them. "What do think?" He propped his head in his hand. "Welcome to our life?"

Her lips pursed. They had grown children, siblings, parents, and ex-spouses to keep them on their toes. There were their jobs, their team, and a never ending influx of cases to keep them busy. Sharon lifted her head and propped it in her hand, mimicking his pose. She had this child that needed to be loved, and this man who was more than willing to do so. At the end of it all, they had each other.

"You know," she said. "I think I'll take it." Better or worse, it was more than just the vow they'd made a week ago. It was a reality that they had already experienced. Apart, they were left aching and adrift. They were stronger together, something they were finding to be more true everyday. Life was going to happen, in ways they liked and in others that they wouldn't. Facing it together, that was so much better.

~_FIN_


End file.
